He Bought Her a Wall...

When I turned thirteen years old a new TV show started beaming itself into my house once a week. Now, as a newly minted seventh grader I wasn't allowed to watch Dawson's Creek and yet in my first true act of teenage rebellion I managed to figure out a way to spend an hour once a week with Dawson, Joey, Pacey, and Jen. There are a lot of reasons why I hold this particular story story close to my heart and I could devote many, many blog posts to those reasons, but for today I think I'll simply write about one...

I am not a traditionally romantic girl. I do not get moon-eyed over pink holidays or spend my time daydreaming about beach strolls. And when it comes to love stories I prefer heroines who can save themselves to damsels in distress who need someone to swoop in. In fact, now that I'm writing about it, I really hate "swooping" in almost all its forms. I don't "ship" things (side note: I just learned what "shipping" is from my eighth grade students. For those in the dark, I encourage the use of google) and I don't get swept up in epic romances... except this one epic romance...

When Dawson's Creek first aired it was clear that the main focus would be on Dawson. It was his creek- his life that the show revolved around. But it took all of twenty minutes in the pilot for anyone with half a soul to notice the quiet brown-haired girl playing his best friend; Joey Potter: shy, passionate, artistic, and so incredibly insecure. It was clear that the writers of the show were as swept up with Joey as the rest of us watching at home and the story lines started bending towards her. One of those story lines happened to involve the world's greatest hockey player and my favorite Canadian: Joshua Jackson (aka Pacey).

In season three the writers did something wholly unexpected: they paired the female lead with the goofy sidekick. The storyline begins with Pacey and Joey spending more time together and becoming closer friends. They learn about what makes the other one tick and it isn't long before Pacey realizes that he loves this girl. These bullet points alone aren't what tied my teenage heart to this love story. I think what I loved was how tangible it felt. There was no running through airports or public declarations of affection. Joey didn't need a makeover and Pacey wasn't looking to change her. In fact, Pacey loved Joey as she was. He simply wanted to be someone who always encouraged her and was there for her. He wanted her to be exactly who she was meant to be. He wanted her to be great because he saw greatness in her. He believed in her when she couldn't see herself clearly. He trusted her. He respected her. His love wasn't loud or overbearing or a spectacle- it was quiet and selfless and consistent.

This is my favorite scene of these two. When I watched this moment on TV at the age of 16, I thought to myself, "Now that is romance." It doesn't matter how much time passes, whenever I catch a rerun or happen upon this youtube clip I still get the wind knocked out of me. This may be my one true girly indulgence.

You may be wondering, dear reader, why I am devoting precious blog space to a TV show that aired it's last episode before most of my students were even born. Well, I don't owe you an explanation, but here's one...

Last week I listened as a couple of my amazing Jr. High students talked about love. They spent about an hour dissecting the texts they'd received from boys and analyzing what in the world those few messages were really saying. My whole person ached as they came to the conclusion that until they lost more weight or learned something about video games or became "interesting" they were simply unloveable. They decided that their chests were too small, their thighs were too big, and they couldn't make their selfies look like Kim Kardashian's. Their little hearts longed to be seen and known and cherished. But they assumed that they weren't enough as they are.

I've been thinking about that conversation for a week now and I have many things to say about it. But for today, I simply want to say this: it took my 31 years on this planet to learn that real love has more tenacity than is painted for us in movies. Love isn't found on a scale or in a mirror. Love isn't defined by how many retweets you get or how often boys chase you. Pure, beautiful love is renting a girl a wall because she longs to be an artist and you want them to be exactly who they were created to be. Seeing someone, knowing them, cherishing them reveals itself not in using that wall as a bargaining chip to "win" that girl's heart, but in simply offering the gesture because you know it will make them smile.

My sweet girls (and boys) take the time to learn who you are. Take the time to love yourself, trust yourself, respect yourself and then when your Pacey comes along you'll be able to offer them something valuable- a whole person.