from as early as i can remember one of my absolute favorite parts of summer has been ACTS tour. i remember i used to wait on pins all year for it. when i was really little most of my excitment came from thinking there was no one cooler than amy cox (now klug). she used to baby sit me and i freely admit i wanted to be her. as i sat in the audience and watched her sing with the choir, i would think about the day i would get to sing too. i couldn't wait to throw on an ulgy jean jumpsuit and get to belt out my best steven curtis chapman. another reason i so loved ACTS was because of dave and kathy. they were more than just youth directors. they were more than simple choir directors. dave and kathy were these people who loved me. not because they were family and had to, not because it was their job, but because they genuinely loved me. that is such a gift. i couldn't wait to join the choir and participate fully in ministry with them.
over the years ACTS has passed through many fingers. it has changed directors and directions. in some ways the program that i work with today looks vastly different from the one i first fell in love with. and although with each change ACTS has grown and become newly beautiful it will never be as powerful as it once was. wait, wait, don't freak out. i'm not saying it's not powerful. i'm saying that it's not as powerful for me! when i was little i sat in a pew and watched as people i idolized sang out to God. ACTS was big. in a lot of ways it represented beautiful possibility for me. now that i am grown and singing in the choir, i find the program seems much smaller to me. i no longer look out at the choir and imagine possibility (now i mostly look out on the choir and sigh as i think about my 'to do' list).
this year ACTS once again has two new directors: sarah sisco and... ME. it's insane to think about. in so many ways i can't wait for tour. i have real vision and am excited to execute that. but a little tiny part of me wishes that i could go back in time and watch as kathy directs. i wish i could go back to dreaming about the day when i would be as old as amy. i want to go back to riding roller coasters with dave. because even though my life is full and wonderful, it has seen a lot of pain. and the dreams dreamed by the little girl in the pew were untouched by that pain. maybe i'll never get to go back, but i do hope that by moving forward i will be continuing on a rich and wonderful tradition of hoping, dreaming, and believing.
