i've been waiting to write this post because i wasn't quite sure what i wanted to say. my heart is bursting full and i just want to crack it open and spill it out on the page. unfortunately, my doctor doesn't recommend that, so i'm left to try and find words instead- buckle up...
in my life there have been moments when i knew i was getting a glimpse of heaven. they don't happen very often, but every once and a while God pulls back the curtain and gives me a teeny tiny taste of forever. i'm always left with such a sweet flavor on my lips. last week was one of those moments for me. who knew that when i was packing for summer camp, i was actually packing for a week firmly in the embrace of my Abba.
i knew this was going to be a special camp for me because it's the last one. it was my last week with my wonderful, messy, loud, over-enthusiastic, compassionate, little monsters. as the bus pulled into the parking lot i flashed back to three years earlier when i took my first group of students to camp. i thought about how we had 6 kids with us and how they had no idea what they were in for. this year we had a little over 30 kids and they couldn't wait to get started.
forest home gets it right every year. but man, this year they were firing on all cylinders. every inch of camp was wonderful. let it be known that God was in all of it. He was in the cheers during the games. He smiled with pride as the students dispersed into quiet time. Our Savior radiated his pleasure during worship and the talks. the things that make up the week are always great, but they aren't why i take my students there. we drag our sleeping bags up to forest home because of the rafik's and the vicki's and the nate's and the andrew's. we fund raise so that we can put our kids in the same room as the joel's and the ashley's and the mallory's. we answer many parent questions and make sure we have all our medical forms because it is absolutely necessary that our students get to meet the aaron's and syd's.
i was acutely aware that this was going to be my swan song. in part because my students wouldn't let me forget it. their favorite game of the week was "make chelsea cry"- which is sweet if you know them. and each day i woke up counting down our last moments together. my biggest fear was that in my time at RLC i made only an earthly impact. my biggest worry was that my kiddos never really met Jesus. because without Jesus i might as well just be working for an after school program. and each morning i would drag myself up to counselor coffee and wonder if the beautiful faces still asleep in their bunks were dreaming of the only thing that really matters.
the last day of camp we had church debrief and i got to listen to my campers share about their week. i sat there dumbfounded as they described feeling the holy spirit for the first time or as they talked about the questions they asked God during quiet time. i just sat there, tears rolling down my face as they expressed the love that was growing in their hearts for God and it was in those moments that i knew i had done what God sent me to RLC to do: i got out of the way and let Him love my students. when it was my turn i only had the words to thank them- my students, here are some of the things i said:
thank you for teaching me to be brave. thank you for teaching me to love fiercely and without condition. you have shown me what it means to believe in miracles. it is because of you that i learned what a real belly laugh is. you have taught me that sometimes it is more important to do doughnuts in the church parking lot while blasting justin beiber than it is to have bible study. you made me stronger, tenacious, free and helped me loosen up. you shine so brightly and i know you're going to change the world. so thank you for teaching me so much more than i ever taught you.
i wish i could have had "leader debrief" so that i could have said some important things to the other group of people i love so much. but since "leader debrief" doesn't exist, here are my last thank you's to the "grown-ups" (notice that is in quotes) who walked with me last week. so listen up peter and creekside staff because this is aimed at you:
thank you for your patience. thank you for loving my students, even when they make that incredibly hard to do. thank you for teaching me you don't always need a plan. you have taught me what it means to lead. you have taught me how to live my life gracefully. you have shown me that i can walk the tightrope between 'friend' and 'leader'. you have kept my secrets and shared my giggles. but more than anything you helped me carry a weight. you have let me lean on you when i am about to fall over. i am so full of love for you. i am overflowing with thankfulness for the blessing you all are in my life.
so this chapter of my life ends. as of july 29th i will no longer be the student ministries director at resurrection lutheran church. it was a chapter full of twists and turns, tears and fears. i can't imagine the next chapter being nearly as great. but i turn to it with anticipation. stay tuned...
