divine romance...

This year the song that has changed me the most is Divine Romance by Phil Wickham. I don't really want to take the time now to explain what the lyrics have meant to me or how they have kept me standing when all I want to do is lay down. I just want to write them here and hope that they will have a chance to speak to you.

The Fullness of your Grace is here with me.

The Richness of your Beauty's all I see.

The Brightness of your Glory has arrived.

In your Presence God, I'm completely satisfied.

For you I sing, I dance

Rejoice in this Divine Romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A Deep, Deep Flood; an ocean flows from you.

Of Deep, Deep Love, yeah its filling up the room.

Your Innocent Blood has washed my guilty life.

In your Presence God, I'm completely satisfied.

christmas...

i love christmas. it's my absolute favorite time of the year for all the reasons you can imagine. i love when the weather turns cold and i can pull out my ugg boots. i love that all the stores play holiday music and hang up completely exagerated decorations. there's something about this time of year that makes me feel more hopeful- makes me believe in magic.

this morning i've been sitting at my desk preparing a message on advent. ironically this morning when i got into work a friend of mine had posted a blog on that very subject. it got me thinking.... there's so much in this world that we wait for. we wait for education and true love and financial stability and babies and birthdays and we even wait in line just about everywhere we go. lots and lots of waiting. i'm not usually a fan of waiting but this time of year i can't wait to wait.

go read luke 17:11-19. go on. go right now.

jesus heals ten lepers. changes their lives completely. and then as he sends them towards new life he stays on the road and waits. maybe he knew one would come back. maybe he used his super-awesome divinity powers and knew that his waiting would be rewarded. or perhaps he tapped into his limited humanity and just hoped the waiting would be worth it. as we step into advent there's so many different ways that we're waiting. and i know as you watch the world around you flaunt it's brokenness its so easy to reject that sense of anticipation. but do me a favor: just for the next few weeks let the cynic in you take a back seat and embrace the waiting. trust the magic of christmas. remember that a baby was born and he changed everything and let's not keep him waiting on the road for us.

Why I Love Sally...

Sally "Day 100" is coming up and so in preperation here are 100 reasons why I love you.

1. Because you are always genuine.
2. coloring skills
3. your curiosity
4. your eyelashes
5. how much you love sam from west wing
6. cake skills
7. that you keep the wrapping paper
8. willingness to fight
9. devotion to justice
10. how you roll your eyes at me when you're frustrated
11. how much you want colleen to succeed.
12. how much you want to be vulnerable
13. sense of compassion
14. your rock word
15. you want a dog
16. you really listen
17. an amazing memory
18. you've made such progress with the lady
19. you don't give up easily
20. you want to know that aaron is ok
21. you pray for the people you love
22. your patience
23. your desire to do big things with your life
24. your work ethic
25. your attention to detail
26. your desire to be bones
27. your tie-dye shirts
28. our contract
29. your intensely accurate perceptions of people
30. the way you and sydney laugh
31. your silliness
32. your willingness to trust me
33. your mom walks with kerry
34. that you text me everyday
35. your strength
36. how graceful you are
37. the way you let your friends in even when its hard
38. your willingness to share on acts
39. your sense of humor
40. your crazy stories
41. the pictures you draw in church
42. your ability to forgive
43. your wacky belief that toby's a real person and your desire to give him a hug
44. how hard you work at school
45. your crazy adventures with jen
46. how much you eat cereal
47. how specific you are
48. your chelsea archeology
49. your ocd-ness
50. the way you say, "ok chelsea" with a big sigh
51. that you watch one tree hill with your mom
52. that you have a special drawer
53. the way you can make any regular old occasion special
54. that you're willing to try new food (i.e. thai and green temple) even though ultimately you end up hating them
55. that you want good things for your friends
56. that you made daniel-opoly
57. that you commit 100% to whatever you're doing
58. that you have high expectations of those around you
59. you're sweet, fragile spirit
60. that you went to great lengths to hide your facebook
61. that you hate birds
62. your tenacity
63. that you call yourself pigey
64. that you want a bright and glorious future
65. your smile
66. your hugs
67. the weird look that comes over you when you're deep in observing someone
68. that you appreciate others
69. that you remember to tell people that they're wonderful
70. your generosity
71. that you don't let failure stop you from trying again
72. your fascination with rolly-pollys
73. that you take people at face value
74. your desire to have better and more honest relationships
75. that you're vulnerable enough to draw the tree picture and then trusting enough to give it to me
76. that you let God use music and media to speak to you
77. that crazy worried look you get
78. that you keep a gps with sophie
79. that your heart is so big and full of love
80. that you took the time to plan my party
81. even though this is a rare one: when you wear dresses
82. our game
83. how much you love jen
84. how protective you are of the people you love
85. your logic
86. your weird love of dik-diks
87. that you appreciate all the hard work matt does
88. that you notice the little things
89. that you never get sick of my stupid stories
90. the weird way you fold laundry
91. that you love charades with julia and katelin
92. what a great dish washer you are
93. that your constantly trying to better yourself
94. your shoes
95. that you're so crafty
96. how commited you are to your journals
97. that even though you're crazy with cleaning, your room is a mess
98. your imagination
99. your desire to help others
100. sally, the 100th reason i love you is that i know you will make it to day 100. i know that you are doing great and i am so proud of you.

meeting tommy...

i have been meaning to write this post but life, as it inevitably does, has been getting in the way. but today my load at work is light and my heart is full with thoughts... just to warn you it's going to be a long one.

1997- when i started 7th grade i remember only one thing. amy cox told me that if any of the girls in the youth group were mean to me she'd beat them up. i laughed and asked if that included emily (her sister who was in 6th grade) and she said especially emily.

1999- dave and kathy burchiel's house, first bible study of my high school career.

i walked in the door to a house i had visited millions of times with dragons in my stomach. yes many people say butterflies, but i had dragons. when i was 15 years old i was incredibly insecure (hahaha who am i kidding, that little weakness still crops up) and i was so nervous that i was going to be hanging out with the high schoolers. at the time the only other incoming freshman was tyler hellinga and he had a built-in support system with his brother and brian nenno. i remember that for the first ten minutes i just sat quietly on the couch and tried to figure out what my next move was going to be. i refused to be the "sits quietly on the couch" girl. i was completely convinced that i would spend all of high school wishing i could turn invisible. then in walked my unlikely her0: jeff klug. jeff came in and sat down by me. he asked me a couple questions and we moved into comfortable conversation. he didn't have to. he had plenty of friends in the room, but he took the time to make sure that i felt safe. that i felt like i had a place. now that i work with high schoolers i see what an incredible act of selfless love this was. i am hard-pressed to find seniors who are as compassionate and Christlike.

my friend and long time hero ended up married to just about the most wonderful woman in the world: AMY COX. hahaha, now if you know me at all you know that i believe the jonas brothers aren't nearly the rock stars that the cox family is. so i was so happy to find out that two of my favorite people had decided to build a life together. and as i watched their wedding i couldn't think of anything that could disrupt the beautiful life they were guarenteed.

but something happened that changed their world forever. jeff and amy lost a beautiful and cherished daughter. in june of 2008 jeff and amy delivered and lost leah. and i'm not going to be arrogant enough to assume i know how that must have felt, how that still must feel. but i will say that i have never in my life been as angry at God as i was on that day. i couldn't think of a better couple to love a child. i couldn't think of another baby as desired as leah. and i couldn't for the life of me understand why or how or what had happened. the loss of leah was for me a last straw in a long string of mistakes God had made. i had been struggling with my trust for the Lord and what happened to jeff and amy pushed me over the edge. i decided i was done. i decided that of course God existed but he clearly couldn't love us very much and i felt my heart harden towards him.

the loss of leah marked a change in my friends. i saw amy and jeff a few months later at family camp and they both looked exhausted. it seemed they were carrying this heavy load. all i wanted was to say or do something to lighten it for them. but of course what could be said? what could be done? as amy and i sat down for one of our yearly catch-up chats we both just cried and spoke of loss. but throughout our conversation i was struck by something: amy had never looked more beautiful. i tried to figure out what it was, because pine valley is not known for cultivating beauty. the more we talked the more i realized what it was: amy was clinging desperately to God. her heart was in pieces all around her and she was just trying to put one foot in front of the other, but throughout that process she was holding onto our Savior. it was that brief glimpse i got into amy's heart that began to melt some of the anger i had built into my heart towards God.

so all of those words lead to the amazing miracle that was october 18th. this summer amy and jeff adopted a little boy: tommy. on october 18th amy came to california with her beauitful boy and we got to meet the little man. and i could say here that tommy is sweet and handsome and charming (because of course its all true) but i want to say something else. tommy is magic. life is full of so much pain that i think i was letting that pain be all there was in my life. but when i saw amy, face shinning and eyes all sparkly with her boy. hers. completely and totally awash in a blessing from God i realized that my Abba loves. he loves us enough to wait while i finish spewing my venom. he loves amy and jeff to just hold them as their lives shattered. and he loves tommy enough to watch over him until jeff and amy could go pick up their child. tommy is this walking miracle. and the only way i can express that is to say: tommy is magic.

meeting tommy reminded me that God is good. gosh my soul needed reminding of that. you see the amy i saw a few weeks ago still carried the scars of loss but then i thought of someone else who carries scars. jesus carries scars because of his total love for me. amy carries scars because of her complete devotion to leah. and in both cases there is rebirth. for jeff and amy that rebirth is tommy for jesus and me that rebirth is salvation. so there is joy in pain and it seems i had forgotten that.

i think i will end with this: jeff, amy, and tommy- i love you so much. you each have taught me something important about myself and you each have shown me something priceless about God. thank you for your vunerability. thank you for your honesty. and thank you for letting me be in your lives.

Quick Life Update...

As of last weekend I am offically living in my own place! Whoo-hoo! I am so excited! I have a little one-bedroom place close to work and I feel so free. I'll post pictures soon.

a perfect day...

a few months ago i wrote about how all my friends were getting married. i spent some blog time exploring how weird it was to watch as important people in my life were transitioning into such huge commitments. when i wrote that blog i was convinced that all these weddings would be uncomfortable. i'm not sure if i can explain it, but even if you are estatically happy for the couple getting married, weddings have a way to make single people feel like their life will never get jump-started. anyway, so my friends got engaged and i was entirely convinved that their weddings would bring out all sorts of ugly insecurities i don't like to see in myself. this made me completely sure that i wanted to avoid said weddings at all costs. but let's be honest there are some events you can't miss.

then God did something amazing. on september 26, 2009 tyler john hellinga married amy elizabeth maddox. as i got dressed for that wedding my mind was consumed with memories. i thought about the first time tyler asked amy out. i laughed as i remembered how amy and i pretended that tyler had given her a black eye at winter camp. i smiled as i contemplated how our Lord could lead two people down this path from friendship to love to hatred, then wind it all back to friendship and ultimately love again.

when i got to the wedding and gave tyler a hug i swear i have never seen him look so nervous. and tyler and i have been friends for 15 years. as the wedding started my eyes filled with tears because i was so incredibly peaceful. there was no place on earth that i would rather have been than in that chair on that particular beach. and as i watched my best friend's eyes fill with tears as he watched his bride walk towards him, i knew beyond any doubt that this was a marriage that would enrich the lives of the people it touched. amy and tyler love each other so completely. they trust each other. they're better people because of each other. but above all that they love God. they trust God. they let God mold them so that He might make them better.

it's no secret that i struggle with loneliness. in fact that's often a common theme of my blogs. but on this day- this day when i expected to feel sad and alone and hopeless; i felt only joy. i felt satisfied knowing that my beloved friends were together. and nothing could stop that. it was a wedding that made me reach out and hold the hand of my Savior. it was a couple that reminded me that real love is complicated and confusing and always steady. it was a perfect day.

New Job, Same Girl...

Hello Blog World,
So a lot has been going on with me these past few months and my friend T reminded me that I haven't been very faithful to update my blog with the new info. So now, here goes...

This past year I have been attending the very large CSULB for my teaching credential. After college I thought I should go into teaching. Not necessarily because I really felt called to teaching or because I had this passion for it. But mostly because I thought it seemed steady, it seemed responsible. Anyway, I worked toward my credential half-heartedly until May (hey that rhymes). In May through a series of events it became really clear to me that my calling is full time ministry. There's nothing else I want. I know in my heart that this is more than just what God wants for me, but its what I want for myself.

So after this revelation I began the process of looking for a job. I literally applied all over the world. I applied for jobs all over the states and abroad as well. I was sure that this was my chance for a new adventure in a new town. I love starting over in new places. I love the exploration and the unknown. But in addition to applying all over, I thought I'd also throw my resume out close to home.

And as usually happens when God is involved, my plans got turned upside-down. After many interviews, tears, and anxiety I am pleased to announce that I am the brand new Student Ministries Director at Resurrection Lutheran Church in Redondo Beach. I may not be in a new town, but learning a new denomination and new people is adventure enough (at least for now). I love my new church home and although I desperately miss the people and love at St. Andy's at least I'm close enough to visit.

So, here goes- sink or swim...

pebbles...

you wanna hear something funny? well not "haha" funny- more "hmmmm, ok" funny. there have been three major moments in my life. three times where i faced a fairly big decision. each time (i'm saying, each and EVERY time) i have found myself facing that decision on a mountaintop in South Africa. i'm not sure what to make of this. but this summer was no different. i'm completely changing careers, changing almost everything in my life and i'm not exactly sure what's next. so i found myself: freezing cold and staring at a pile of rocks on top of a beautiful mountain.

i was staring at this makeshift alter and i was wondering if i have what it takes to completely offer myself up to God. it's certainly one thing to say we want our life to be what God wants it to be. but what are willing to give up for that? what if God never wants to see me married? what if he never sees me with children? what if God's best puts me in a faraway land rarely visiting my family? see it's one thing for us to claim that we want God making our big decisions, it's another to actually LET him.

i came to a realization on that mountain. it has never been "my" life. i've always belonged to God. i will always be his girl and i am willing to lay down every one of my heart's desires to live a life he can be proud of. i am willing to give him my everything.

Abba, I belong to you!

more pictures...

home from africa...

thoughts to follow...

did i forget to sign-up?

ok, this post is for for all single friends. although i'm not completely sure i have any left. did i miss the sign-up day for engagements? i must have. within the last month 3 of my friends have gotten engaged. in addition to that 4 of my friends have been married, and finally a whopping 2 of my friends have recently moved in with their significant others (this is not an encouragement to do that, it's just a statement of fact). that's a total of 9 of my friends (18 if we count their significant others) that are moving into this new "blissful" time of coupledom. i have to admit as happy as i am for them, as content as i am in my present stage of life i'm feeling a bit pissy. is there like a deadline: make sure you snag up a fiance/spouse/lover by may 1st or there are no promises you'll ever get one.

in addition the absolute twilight zone quaility of this month i have been thinking that statistically speaking 4.5 of those 9 couples won't make it. divorce is such a huge aspect of our society. it makes me pray harder for my friends. i hope it doesn't affect them. but there's no guarentee.

so let's recap: i'm the last single lady left. i'm going to go broke buying engagement/wedding/housewarming gifts and half of my friends are getting divorced. wow! this has been a pretty depressing post. sorry.

wanting doesn't make it so...

i spend every tuesday morning deep in thought for about 45 minutes. i get up and get ready for school and then i get in my car and make the drive to Long Beach. between the drive, finding parking, and walking to the library it all works out to about 45 minutes. during this time i have a wide variety of thoughts running through my mind. some days i think about all the mistakes i made the day before. i spend a lot of time wondering why the world is the way it is. one tuesday i spent the entire 45 minutes composing a really difficult email to a friend who i was fighting with. now don't get me wrong, i don't spend every tuesday wadding through murkiness (spelling?). i have spent many a tuesday laughing to myself about various beautiful and wonderful things.

this time is good for me. it allows me to sort through all the complications that make up who i am. i definately need time for that. but this time to myself also presents a problem. one of my biggest weaknesses is that i live so much of my life up in my head. so i decided today that i would share what i was thinking about. my hope is that by putting thought to type i will be really able to bring shape to this idea.

when i got into my car this morning i plugged in my ipod, just like usual. mostly i listen to worship music on the way to school because i am terrified of the freeway and i believe that God is more likely to keep me safe if i am listening to worship music (i know, i know there are major flaws in that theology). but today i was in the mood for something sappy. so i put on this play-list i have of really cheesy love songs. as i drove down the 405 jammin' to the Beatles and Whitney Houston (you know you wish you had a copy of this playlist) i started dreaming up this perfect love story. girl meets boy, boy turns out to be more wonderful than anyone could have every imagined, boy and girl fall in love and live happily ever after. i started dreaming up my perfect little movie world. in chelsea's love story only one thing matters: chelsea and said boy love each other so completely that their lives are this constant reflection of that love. that's when it hit me.

i spend so much of my time wanting this worldly love. i dream of boy. i wish for a happily ever after. but you know what i realized today? i already have it. God's my perfect love story. His sacrifice reflects more passion, more steadiness, more "forever" than any other love ever can. it was this brillant awakening. and now i share it with you.

continuing the love...

hi blog world,
so i was reading my friend haley's blog today (mostly a daily ritual for me) and she had posted a fun game. she is buying a book for the first three people to comment on her post. it's a way she's showing those she loves that she loves them. but the rule is each of those three people must in turn do something sweet for their loved ones. so... as a result i am going to write a letter (a real, honest to goodness written on paper, in my actual freaking handwriting, , get it in the mail, full of my love and devotion letter) to the first three people who comment on this post. the only thing i ask in return is that you find some way to pass along the game.
love ya and can't wait to see what happens,
chels

carrying the torch

from as early as i can remember one of my absolute favorite parts of summer has been ACTS tour. i remember i used to wait on pins all year for it. when i was really little most of my excitment came from thinking there was no one cooler than amy cox (now klug). she used to baby sit me and i freely admit i wanted to be her. as i sat in the audience and watched her sing with the choir, i would think about the day i would get to sing too. i couldn't wait to throw on an ulgy jean jumpsuit and get to belt out my best steven curtis chapman. another reason i so loved ACTS was because of dave and kathy. they were more than just youth directors. they were more than simple choir directors. dave and kathy were these people who loved me. not because they were family and had to, not because it was their job, but because they genuinely loved me. that is such a gift. i couldn't wait to join the choir and participate fully in ministry with them.

over the years ACTS has passed through many fingers. it has changed directors and directions. in some ways the program that i work with today looks vastly different from the one i first fell in love with. and although with each change ACTS has grown and become newly beautiful it will never be as powerful as it once was. wait, wait, don't freak out. i'm not saying it's not powerful. i'm saying that it's not as powerful for me! when i was little i sat in a pew and watched as people i idolized sang out to God. ACTS was big. in a lot of ways it represented beautiful possibility for me. now that i am grown and singing in the choir, i find the program seems much smaller to me. i no longer look out at the choir and imagine possibility (now i mostly look out on the choir and sigh as i think about my 'to do' list).

this year ACTS once again has two new directors: sarah sisco and... ME. it's insane to think about. in so many ways i can't wait for tour. i have real vision and am excited to execute that. but a little tiny part of me wishes that i could go back in time and watch as kathy directs. i wish i could go back to dreaming about the day when i would be as old as amy. i want to go back to riding roller coasters with dave. because even though my life is full and wonderful, it has seen a lot of pain. and the dreams dreamed by the little girl in the pew were untouched by that pain. maybe i'll never get to go back, but i do hope that by moving forward i will be continuing on a rich and wonderful tradition of hoping, dreaming, and believing.

just dreamin'

today i woke up and wished i hadn't. i was having the best dream. only the trouble is that i can't remember it now. this got me to thinking: how do i know it was the best dream? because i awoke with some sort of warm-fuzzy feeling? that seems a bit irrational. for all i know i was having a horribly frightening dream and the warm-fuzzy feeling came BECAUSE i woke up. right? that could have happened? besides if this dream was so all-powerfully amazing then shouldn't i remember it? anyway maybe this is a chicken-egg situation, but i felt the need to share my frustrations.

in other news if it was the best dream ever then i bet i was in one of three places: never-never land, london, or south africa. all my best daydreams happen in those locations. oh! and i bet i was with one of these three people: leigh anne, my future-currently non-existant children, or hugh jackman (please! you're wondering why hugh jackman? have you seen the man?!)

Across The universe - Let It Be

this is one of my absolutely favorite beatles songs. a few weeks ago i came across this movie and i was surprised by how amazing it was. across the universe is this beautiful depiction of the music of george, paul, ringo, and john.

the thing about this song is that it is so sad. the idea that the brokenhearted people of this world must 'let it be'. i know most people look at this song as inspiring- leaving the darkness to be reckoned another day. the thing is i believe in a hopeful future. i believe that there will always be brokeness, there will always be pain, there will always be darkness. but the hope, the light is that we don't walk through those things alone. we grab tightly to the hem of God's robe. we let his grace cover our yesterday. we trust his wisdom to lead us to the right tomorrow, and we lean on him in our times of trouble today. we don't walk alone. we aren't alone.

new year, old promise...

this morning when i woke up i felt incredibly content. i opened my eyes slowly and smiled as i thought of all the amazing possibilities and adventures that are ahead in 2009. it was perfect and wonderful. you see my favorite part of every year is new year's day. it's the one day a year that my cynical self takes a nap. one day that i believe i will keep my resolutions, one day i trust my wildest dreams to come true, and the one day that the old promise of hope let's it's scent linger. i love new year's day. so today i will dance and dream and wonder.