Spring Break, Baby!

well i have offically been home for a week and guess what... today is the first day the sun was out! but it was out and so i took advantage of it. my friend kacey and i packed up her car with my goddaughter (kacey's kid) and her niece, shovels and pails, sunscreen, and plenty of pb&j. i must say that hitting the beach with 2 three year olds is way more fun than going with a bunch of adults. these days i go to the beach and lay out in the sun, reading a trashy magazine or whatever book i happen to be into at that moment. but with the girls today it was way better. we built sandcastles, ran after crabs, and played in the water. we waved to every surfer and spent a good ten minutes watching a boat drift by. it was like experiencing a bit of my childhood again. ah, soooo worth the exhausted feeling that now rests in the pit of my stomach.

but the beach is not the only way i have been keeping busy so far this break. tyler hellinga and i spent st. patrick's day in a movie theater with one old guy. it was creepy and hilarious and if you ask me about it i would love to relate the story. i have had dinner at the hellinga household- which in case you were wondering, is always a good idea.

i love being here, love being in my room and seeing my friends and family. but i gotta say i am beginning to be ready to go home. so... seattle see you in a couple days!

avoidance

i find this blog a magical way to avoid my homework. here i can write everything i am thinking about- drain it out of me and then maybe (just maybe) i will be able to focus on my essay. i'm supposed to be comparing robert frost and william wordsworth right now. ha! instead i am here, on the internet rambling to no one about nothing. i feel in some small way i am fighting "the man."

tonight as i read through these poems that i am supposed to be anazlying i started thinking about love. it's hard not to. that's what most poems are about. not always a romantic love, but always love. love of one's nation or one's self. love is such a tricky beast. on the one hand, caring for another person in a raw and desperate way can be the beginning of everything. i think that humanity has a much bigger capacity to love than they think. but giving someone a place in your heart like that takes such sacrifice. to let someone in is a scary thing. it can be the end of everything.

so how do we step out and love? well, i think that the very first and most important thing to remember is that loving someone is necessary. love your family, love your friends, love the woman sitting next to you on the bus. but that's a different kind of love altogether. that kind of love is easier to spread than you think. it is! it costs nothing and means everything. this picture reminds me that there is so much pain in this world we'll never be able to fix. most of these kids are HIV positive, they've lost parents and siblings to a disease that we have no way to cure. i can't do anything about that. but i can love them. i can swing them up into my arms, kiss their little faces and say, "i'm here." and that... well that is a little piece of heaven.

as for the jumping off the cliffs kind of love? i've never done it. so... i can offer no good advice. i can only cheer you on as you leap. i hope one day to join you in that big jump. so promise to let me know how it goes?

Egypt

Egypt

Egypt was like nothing I had ever experienced. Every single moment from stepping onto the plane to returning home was new and different. I think that I fell in love with the country right away. As we drove to our flats from the airport I felt a surge of electricity move through me. I was in Cairo- a year of planning and prayer, and here I was in Cairo. I didn't know that it would change my life as deeply as it did. I feel Egypt in my very being. As I walked the streets and felt the dust coat my body and as I watched veiled women cook and care for their children, I felt that I was home. I felt that these people needed me and that I needed them. I could learn from the way that they cared so intensely about their families and their culture. Egypt was rich in tradition.

Everyday I experienced God in a new way. Everyday I found myself at His feet crying out, "Lord I need you. I need you more than I have ever needed anything. You are my Savior, my Provider, you are my everything." Egypt let me crawl out of my comfort zone and touch a piece of Heaven.

It wasn't all picnics and sunshine though. There were times when I was certain that we wouldn't make it through. There were times when I looked around at my team and was sure we would kill each other. But God carried us through it. My trip to Egypt allowed me to trust God and helped me find a little bit more of myself. I began something on that trip that hasn't been finished yet. It was everything I wanted it to be and more.

my birthday...

birthdays are dangerous terriotory: a year older, a year wiser, or something. i was so dreading this birthday. to be 23 and feel like i haven't accomplished any of the things that i really want out of this life. i know it is ridiculous, i understand that. i understand that 23 is young and i still have a lot of time to accomplish these things. but there is that nagging voice that continues to haunt me: "chelsea, you're not ever going to get a chance to fall deeply, madly in love. chelsea, forget it- you can't change yourself, let alone the world." this voice is dangerous.

but i have some exciting news- i wasn't allowed to wallow in my self pity. why, you ask? well, because i have just about the best friends a girl can ask for. my friends took me to dinner and it was the best. as i sat there looking at these people who mean so much to me i couldn't help but feel the warm, fuzzies inside. each one of them reminds me that God is faithful to provide just what we need, just when we need it. how awesome is that? so, when you've got the birthday blues call up my friends. they don't disappoint!