when we're children nothing seems too impossible for mom and dad. as children we trust completely that every broken toy can be mended. we believe that a lost blankey will be found. and perhaps the phrase uttered the most is: 'fix it'. i'm not sure at what point i stopped saying that. but somewhere along the line my problems seemed too big for my mom and dad. as i grew up i didn't want them to know that i'd broken something or lost something.
for example my sophmore year of high school, the big trend was adias shoes. but not the regular black with white stripes. no, if you were really cool you had white ones and some sort of colored stripe. that's right baby! i remember begging and pleading to get a pair. i finally, finally wore mom down and she took me to the mall. i found the perfect pair. they were crisply white with berry colored stripes. no one i knew had berry and i was sure i'd be the envy of my class. monday morning i showed up with my new kicks, feeling good. when gym came i changed in the locker room and then left my shoes on the bench in front of my gym locker. i used to do that with my old sneakers every day and it was never a problem. but when i came back to change after gym my shoes were gone. i was devestated. but i never told a single person. i didn't want my mom to know that i'd left my shoes out.
i've been thinking about this a lot lately. this is what i do with God. when i was in YWAM i didn't think there was a single problem on the planet God couldn't fix. and even if i was embarassed to admit something, i didn't let that stop me from falling at his feet. i wanted Christ more than i wanted to be right. I wanted Christ more than I wanted self respect or pride or hurt or whatever. but somewhere along the line I've stopped saying, "fix it".
so today i'm trying to remember something important. today i'm trying to remember that my Abba can do big things. He can part the seas and move mountains and raise the dead. i'm not going to stop myself from reaching out for His help. He's big enough to fix it.
In 2009 my family looked like this:
and although this family picture is amazing and has some of the best people in it. it's missing something... i think it's missing this face:
my brother agrees because last weekend he proposed and i couldn't be more thrilled. i'm finally getting to add to that picture. and in adding to family i think its important to have someone who loves God, someone who is courageous and smart and funny. i think you have to have someone who loves to play and doesn't mind getting their hands dirty. so it's lucky we get rachel, because she is all that and more.
