Hi Blog,
It's been much too long since I settled myself in your arms. It's not that I haven't had anything to say or that big things haven't been happening. But I guess, I was doing my best to sort through those things without having to do the messy work on the interwebs. But tonight I think I just may have words to splatter upon the soft glow of your screen. I'm not sure that there's any sort of cohesion for this post. So my suggestion is to hold tight and try not to get too dizzy from my transitions.
I'm turning 30 in a month. A MONTH! Geez. I have this very specific memory of dancing around my room at ten singing at the top of my lungs to Tina Turner and thinking about how far away my twenties seemed. And now, here I am about to abandon them. I can't believe it. I find that I'm holding a very mixed bag of emotions, because I like my emotions nice and tidy I've decided to do my best to sort them out. So I'm about to bestow upon you the first of two lists. Tonight I'm going to list our twenty things I learned in my twenties. You're going to have to wait a couple weeks for my list of "30 hopes and wishes my 30's!"
20 in my 20's:
20. My twenties taught me that adventure doesn't look like it does in the movies. I learned that adventure isn't just taking an epic road trip with your friends or flying off to Paris to stop the love of your life before they get married. Adventure can be quiet decisions. Adventure can be sticking it out in a relationship that's headed south. It can be getting lunch with a friend who needs you or even getting a dog. In my twenties, my greatest adventure was enrolling at SPU to finish my undergrad. Getting my Bachelors began the wildest adventure my twenties would ever see.
19. Good friends give as much as they take. This was a hard lesson to learn and I didn't figure it out until I was already well into the twenties. But somewhere around twenty-four or twenty-five I realized that the people who love me deeply, completely, and unconditionally were offering me something. The friends that are forever didn't expect me to do or be anything that I wasn't. Thank God for them.
18. My parents aren't perfect, but that doesn't mean they're horrible either. In my "growing up" years I thought my mom and dad hung the moon. I believed they were superhuman parents who had zero flaws and existed solely to love and provide for me. My teens became a time where I thought my parents were annoying and very, very uncool. But in my twenties I began to see "mom" and "dad" as "Jenny" and "Mark." I realized that they made mistakes, took chances, and sometimes fell flat on their face. But they also loved me desperately. They provided a much needed safety net and they encouraged me when it felt like the world was just a little too cold. Turns out my mom and dad are superheroes, but they fall into the "flawed" hero category.
17. I don't look good in the color grey. I don't know why it took me so long to come to terms with this. But I finally set aside all notions that I could pull off "grey."
16. Not all dreams come true. This particular lesson stung pretty badly when I realized it. I'm such a dreamer. Since I was a little girl I would spend hours in my head, dreaming up the great, big, shiny future I would live. One day I'd imagine myself living in New York writing wildly popular novels, another day I'd be a pop star or anchoring the update desk on SNL. In Jr. High I told all my friends my great, big dream was to win an Oscar. I think those dreams are wonderful and sweet. I think they helped shape the woman I am today. I also think they're incredibly unrealistic. Not all dreams come true, and sometimes the dreams we hold onto can make us miss the life we are actually living.
15. Living simply is my favorite way to live. My twenties taught me that I'm not someone who needs to buy a big house and fill it with "stuff." There's nothing inherently wrong with "stuff." But in my twenties I learned that for Chelsea, the best life is one where I'm not weighed down. My best life involves a passport, a pup, and a phone (so I can call those loved ones whenever I want and google directions).
14. People won't be able to guess what I'm thinking. I've wasted so much time being angry at my friends and family when they let me down. 90% of those times were because I didn't speak up about a need I had. Oh gosh, thank the Lord Almighty that I've finally realized the only way to get my needs met is to speak up about them.
13. My music collection is made infinitely better because of 90's hip hop. Prior to my twenties my music collection was mostly country, pop, 80's anything, classic rock, and a smattering of weirdly, dark alternative. But in my twenties I discovered the joys of Sir-Mix-A-Lot, The Roots, Coolio, Lauryn Hill, Jay-Z, and of course Notorious BIG. Thank you 20's for opening my eyes!
12. My decisions have consequences and sometimes those consequences are bigger than I thought they'd be. This lesson was kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand sometimes those consequences are great, like I decide to go off-roading with the Hellinga brothers on a whim and have one of the best weekends of my life. But sometimes those consequences are bad and have serious ripple effects, like I decide to lie about something and really hurt someone I love. My 20's taught me that the decisions I make (big and small) come with consequences, so I should do my best to choose carefully.
11. I come with unique gifts, talents, and quirks that no one else has. My twenties helped me to see that I don't want to be a cut-out of what Hollywood or society thinks an "interesting woman" looks like. I'm just me. I'm the me that makes up songs, loves to cook, and can preach the Word like it's going out of style. I'm the me that's weird, funny, and sings at the top of her lungs in the car. Yes, there are plenty of things about myself that need softening or extracting all together. But overall I'm a pretty badass, awesome woman- my twenties taught me that.
10. Heartache is unavoidable, even if you don't put yourself out there. I spent so much of my teens and twenties hiding from romance because I was convinced no one would ever want me. I believed with every fiber of my being that I was one of those "she's like my sister" girls (side note: MEN: THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT). So I didn't speak up when I like a boy. I didn't put myself out there, because I figured if i wasn't playing the game I couldn't get thrown out of it. I figured if I didn't hold out my heart, no one could break it. This, sadly was not true. Hearts are just too fragile to go a lifetime without pain or aches. In my twenties I learned that it's better to go big and go home, than to stay home and eat ice cream (this is solid advice and should be embroidered on a pillow).
9. Having friends of all ages, from a variety of backgrounds, with diverse beliefs is the only way to really, truly live. In my 20's I started to see that if ALL of my friends were locked in a room together for 24 hours they would get in a lot of fights. There would be blood between the democrats and republicans. The USC fans would attack the UCLA fans, and I'm positive that my seminary friends would offend someone. This is the best. As soon as I was able to see that diversity made my life richer I worked to collect even more variety in my friends. I am made better by the wide range of voices that speak into who I am.
8. A sad song and a little bit of wallow is necessary sometimes. I do not understand the whole "stiff, upper lip" theory. There are times when I need a good cry, my journal, and a Tori Amos song. Wait, scratch that. I don't like enough Tori Amos music to use her as my example. New try: There are times when I need a good cry, my journal, and an Eric Clapton song. Wallowing is ok. I don't have to plaster a smile on my face and fake it till I make it. Throwing the covers over my head and refusing to face the day is a perfectly acceptable response to sadness and grief.
7. There are days when wallowing is self-indulgent and unacceptable. I know that it seems #7 is in conflict with #8, but trust me on this one. My twenties also taught me that there are times when I need to shake it off. Part of living on this planet with other people is learning that there are times when it is not about me and what I need. I don't have to say every, single thing that crosses my mind (such a hard lesson to learn). I don't have to get my "me" time. If I'm going to be a real person, a person who loves others and contributes to this world we live in than I accept that there are times when I will have to give from an empty place.
6. I love the outdoors. This lesson kind of threw me. I discovered in my teens that I'm a lover of architecture, museums, and big cities. But in my twenties I learned that I also love long walks, open spaces, and camping. This world is full of beautiful sunsets and breathtaking vistas. As it turns out, I'm someone who wants to see said vistas. Shocking.
6. When I'm angry I need space to figure out why. Living with me is not easy, just ask my current roomies Cassie and Bingley. Actually for that matter just ask any of the people who have ever lived with me, I think my dad ended up writing a dissertation on the difficulty of living with me. Prior to my 20's I thought that I had to dig my heels into every fight, yell whenever I was mad, and that leaving the room meant I was a hater of resolution. But my twenties taught me that I am someone who needs space when I get mad, so I can figure out why I am mad. This doesn't mean that I'm bad at conflict, it doesn't mean that I am incapable of offering an apology or changing my mind. It simply means that my brain needs an hour or two (or sometimes a whole evening) to sort itself out.
5. I'm a dog person. Go peruse my Instagram and this lesson will need no further explanation.
4. My favorite person to talk to on the phone is my brother. My brother is funny. He's "fall on the floor, pee your pants" funny. But he is at his comedic best on the phone. I love to listen to him tell me how he's keeping up with the Kardashians or the latest way he scared his wife by hiding in the bathroom. Thanks twenties for teaching me that I can be friends with my baby bro.
3. Growing up does not mean I have to reject my childhood. I had one hell of an amazing childhood. I had friends who are still in my life, great teachers, an awesome family, and a church that loved me with it all it had. I can grow up to be a mature adult and I don't have to assume that means the good stuff I was raised with loses it's power. If anything, that "good stuff" is a big reason why I am a self-sufficient, confident adult. My testimony may not have the "wow" factor of some, but it's bright and shiny in the best ways.
2. Loving someone is harder than I thought. In my twenties I worked with students and there were a couple of them who stole my heart (you know who you are). I wanted to be there for them in the way that pastors, friends, and family had been there for me. But when you commit to loving someone- to really love them, it asks something of you. Telling students that they can call you at 3am if they need to means you have to answer the phone at 3am. Being a steady force in someone's life means that you have to keep showing up even when they disappoint you or say something dumb. Mostly my twenties taught me that love is more about quiet humility than it's about flash.
1. The biggest lesson that I learned in my twenties was that I can trust myself. The 20's seemed to pound out the little voice in my head that told me I couldn't trust me. I learned that I have valuable instincts and that when I believe in myself there really isn't any mountain I can't climb (gross, that sentence should come with a motivational poster)! I know my voice now and I trust it enough to follow it.
