Promises...

In the bible there's a story about a guy named Abraham. God makes a promise to Abraham and calls him out into the unknown. On that adventure Abraham spends a lot of time failing. It seems like every few steps Abraham is lying about something or doing something he wasn't supposed to. Abraham just keeps trying and hoping and believing. Years go by and God's promise must seem long forgotten.

I have always resonated with this story. I have always felt this tug on my heart, I have always felt like God was promising me something- calling me to adventure, but I couldn't quite figure out what the adventure was and there were so many days when the promise seemed to be nothing more than a whispered hope. My students ask me sometimes what it looks like to trust a God who they can't see and I've never really had a good answer for that- at least not an answer that satisfies them. But tonight as I think about my whispered promise and Abraham, I think I have an answer...

When I was five I made a decision that would change my whole life: I decided that I wanted to know God. Sometimes when we're young we make choices that our older, more cynical selves wouldn't articulate. So I decided I believed in God and that I loved him and the steps after that were just attempts at faithfulness. When I was eighteen I made another decision, I decided to go to Africa. While I was there I heard this Voice. I didn't quite recognize the Voice because it was quieter and louder and smaller and bigger than anything I'd heard before. But the Voice seemed to be calling my name. And so, at eighteen I decided to follow the Voice- wherever it called. The steps after that were just attempts at faithfulness. When I was 29 I made another decision, I decided to go to seminary. While I was there my mind opened wide. I learned new things and I learned new ways to look at old things. I worked hard and I believed that even in the moments when all seemed lost, God was leading me somewhere. The steps after that were just attempts at faithfulness.

At 32 I will spend Sunday being installed as a new Pastor. A lifetime of attempts at faithfulness has led me to a calling that I will spend my whole existence being grateful for. I listened to the Voice, even when it was hard, even when it led me to scary and new places, even when it felt as if the Voice had forgotten the long ago promises. I just trusted. I put one foot in front of the other, I failed- regularly, and I kept walking. On Sunday I will step into the sanctuary that has always been home to me and I will stand before my church and I will promise to keep listening to the Voice, to keep trying to be faithful. I will promise them that no matter what I do not belong to myself for I have always been and will always be the Lord's.

This, I think is that it looks like to trust a God you can't see. It means letting go, it means really believing that what you want is never as important as what He wants, and it means allowing yourself to hold onto the promise that He made.

In so many ways Sunday will be a big and important day, but it is also just another day that I get to attempt faithfulness. Thank God for that.

Currently Reading...

Over the last week I have had four friends ask me for a list of the books I'm currently reading (or recently finished). So, I thought I'd post it here. If you're looking for books to read, look no further! I'm only going to post books that I am reading/have read of my own volition. No school books here although that list would be really good so perhaps I have a future blog subject in my hands.

Currently Reading:
These are the books that are stacked on my nightstand. I don't really have opinions formed about these books yet because I'm not done with them. 
1. The New Jim Crow, by Michelle Alexander
2. The Autobiography of Malcolm X, by Malcom X and Alex Haley
3. Outlander, by Diana Gabaldon
4. Golden Son, by Pierce Brown
5. Rising Strong, by Brene Brown

Recently Finished Reading:
I'm limiting this list to 5 because in the last four months I've read close to 40 books and that's just too many to write about in this blog. I'll try to think of the 5 best ones so that you get exposed to some really interesting reads.
1. Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline: This is a great book if you love 80s pop culture and/or video games. Its fun and a really quick read. My only complaint is that the dialogue is a little cheesy. But for a YA book this is amazing!
2. Gone Girl, by Gillian Flynn: This book is definitely for mature audiences only! It is dark and twisty and at moments it is incredibly graphic. BUT, if you like mysteries and you don't mind psychopaths than this is the book for you!
3. Wild, by Cheryl Strayed: I was gobsmacked at this book. It was deeply sad and intense and yet at the same time I found it inspiring and tenacious. I cannot recommend this book enough.
4. In Defense of Food, by Michael Pollan: Don't read this book unless you're ready to say goodbye to cheetos.