And the Lord was with him...

my sophomore year of high school (i think. potentially it could have been my junior year. ask phil if you want the exact date) one of my leader's started a saturday morning class. we'd meet at church and worship in the balcony of the sanctuary and then we'd go to this room by my dad's office and have some sort of lesson on discipleship. i want to be clear: this was SATURDAY MORNING! and it was early, really early. i don't remember exactly how early, but trust me, it was definitely a sacrifice. and although my body would yell at me each week to just skip it, i never did. those mornings were some of the best worship i have ever participated in. and that's saying a lot, because i have been in some really dynamic worship. it wasn't because of the caliber of the worship leader. it wasn't because the music was so new and exciting. in fact it was just a small group of us, one guitar, and some off-key voices. but there was this beautiful spirit of adoration in the room.

after awhile our leader was off to new adventures. and so saturday morning class stopped. i didn't think much of it. i missed the worship, but i wasn't like desperate to rip my body from my bed that early anymore. one day i was hanging out with my friend tyler and he mentioned that he really missed devoting that morning time to the Lord. he told me he was going to start a weekly morning prayer group. he wanted to meet wednesdays before school. now we're talking even earlier. this i distinctly remember: 6:30am! it was still dark out when we would head to church. and although i felt this slight twinge of sadness for my warm bed, it was infigorating to begin my day with the Lord. for a few weeks it would just be me and tyler. we'd meet up in the balconey and just seek the Lord's will. i loved it. i have never felt so sure of my faith as i did on wednesday morning.

i would say that the past 5ish years have not been great when it comes to my devotion for God. i'm still seeking Him, but it's always half-hearted and on my terms. and slowly i have drifted from His side. i'm no longer the same girl that put everything in her life second to her savior. i've been trying so hard to get back there. and this morning i was reading a verse that a friend sent me: "... one of the servants answered, 'i have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp. He is a brave man and a warrior. He speaks well and is a fine-looking man. AND THE LORD IS WITH HIM.'"

and the Lord is with him. and the Lord is with him. and the Lord is with him. no matter how many times i hear those words they never stop being powerful. i never stop missing them; those words used to describe me. it's time i went back to walking with my Jesus. and that means it's time to put my hand back in His.

copy-cat, 2009 edition...

so clearly i steal my best ideas. but i was reading my friend haley's blog (a great pastime you should try) and i loved how she summed her year up. i've been trying to find a good way to do the same... so i'm stealing hers: the following are the people, places, and moments that defined me this year. some of them helped me to better grasp who i am and who my God calls me to be, others were just plainly a bad influence. I want to be clear that the following items are listed for all sorts of reasons. so don't take any of it as an advertisement (necessarily)!

BOOKS: The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay), The Furious Longing of God (Brennan Manning), The Twilight Series (Stephanie Meyer)

SONGS: divine romance (phil wickham), don't stop believin' (glee cover), i didn't know my own strength (whitney houston), by your side (tenth avenue north)

PEOPLE: President Barack Obama, Sally Cook, Pierre Bartels, The Klug Family, Kevin Cox, and Chelsea Handler

WEBSITE: www.youthspecialities.com/jobs

Album: Line on the Horizon (U2), ACTS 2009

MOVIES: (this was by far the hardest category to sum up) Invictus, Schindler's List, Last Chance Harvey, P.S. I Love you, Star Trek

TV SHOWS: Sons of Anarchy, Survivor, The Real Housewives

MISC: Directing ACTS, Leaving SAPC, Last Family Camp, Moving Out, Standing Up, Tyler getting married, Letting Go, AAA, Joining and Leaving the OAM Board, Trust

brave new world...

there have been a lot of ways in which st. andrews presbyterian church (sapc) left a distinct mark on my faith. so much of how i view God comes from the love and support and tears and anger that i got while attending sapc. but i think that if i had to sum all that up in one program it would be the acts (ambassadors for christ through song) program.

at first acts was this place that as a girl i just couldn't wait to be a member of. it represented everything cool and enticing and awesome. as i got older acts came to be the place where i met God. it was the process of going to practices and working hard and then enjoying a week of tour away from my life that taught me what relationship truly means.

and over the years with every tour i have fallen more in love with this program. i have seen it from every possible angle, worked every imaginable job. there is nothing more precious to me. it is what i look forward to all year. but this year for the first time in 19 years i won't be going. this past sunday acts had it's first practice and i wasn't there. they've picked the music and i had no hand in it. as i have been making the transition from sapc to resurrection lutheran church there haven't been many noticable disappointments. but here is one. i want so badly to get on that bus in june. i want to help students to see how necessary God is. i want to laugh with kevin about whether or not he'll actually get to be in charge of the movies. i want to roll my eyes with matty as albie puts a cold snapple on his neck. i'm going to miss out on the stories. i'm going to miss out on the fun and the blind hatred of modesto, california. and there is this very significant part of me that is mourning this loss.

however, there is another part of me; a smaller and less vocal part. this other part is so excited to see how God will use me with a brand new summer. for the first time in my entire life i am facing a summer without the traditions of st. andrews. no vbc, no family camp, no sunsets. and i think that this fresh summer holds many wonderful surprises.

so i wish the acts choir all the success in the world. i love you all fiercely and when i watch the home concert i expect to see those altos kicking some major ass!