The Final Book of THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY

SPOILER ALERT*SPOILER ALERT*SPOILER ALERT

ok i hope you were adequately warned. i'm not exactly sure where to start the process of unraveling my thoughts about this book. and so, i am going to begin with the basics.

Mockingjay was in my opinion the darkest book of the trilogy. it was technically written with the most focus and cohesion. it was amazing. i finished it in four hours. i told myself i wouldn't start it until the weekend when i knew i had time to go to the beach and lay in the sun and soak it in. HA! i couldn't fall asleep the day it came because i knew it was out on my kitchen table. so around 12pm i finally crawled out of bed and just gave into temptation. i'm sooooo glad that katniss didn't end up with stupid gale because i have hated his character from the beginning and he didn't grow on me in this book either. i cried when prim died, but not as hard as i had cried in book 2 when cinna died.

ok let's get into the real meat of this book...

suzanne collins writes of war and desperation and hopeless choices as if she has lived them. she reminds me of tim o'brien who's stories of vietnam always left me feeling enraged and full of sorrow and wanting to do something, anything to change our world. there is a moment on page 369 that i want to write about. the capitol has fallen and the new president has called a meeting with the only remaining hunger games champions to propose an idea...

"... 'What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power.'

All seven of us turn to her. 'What?' says Johanna.

'We hold another Hunger Games using Capitol children,' says Coin...

'I vote no with Peeta,' Annie says. 'So would Finnick if he were here.'

'But he isn't, because Snow's mutts killed him,' Johanna reminds her.

'No,' says Beetee. 'It would set a bad precedent. We have to stop viewing one another as enemies. At this point unity is essential for our survival. No.'

Was it like this then? Seventy-five years or so ago? Did a group of people sit around and cast their votes on initiating the Hunger Games? Was there dissent? Did someone make a case for mercy that was beaten down by the calls for the deaths of the districts' children? The scent of Snow's rose curls up in my nose, down into my throat, squeezing it tight with despair. All those people I loved, dead, and we are discussing the next Hunger Games in an attempt to avoid wasting life. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now."

Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now. those words have been haunting me since i read them. because when i think about the Lord, when i think of my Jesus who changed everything with one act of selflessness i know that every thing's changed. and if we are created in his image than i know that if we all tried to live our lives with grace and compassion and mercy than we could really change things.

we live in a world that teaches us life is complicated. war is about freedom and money and resources and power. and our government is empowering and oppressive and hopeless and exciting. there's so many grey areas. there's so many things to think about. and i know that no matter how badly i want to, there are aspects of our world set in stone. there are things that we can never change. but there's this fire in me to try.

we are searching for something that is right in front of us. LOVE GOD AND LOVE OTHERS. that means forgive even when you are owed righteous anger. it means give when you want to get. it means swallow your pride and your own needs and hold your hand out to someone who needs it. it means letting go of cynicism and embracing naivety.

as i was reading about this world that collins created i realized that this isn't a far off fantasy. this isn't a world we will never see. this is basically the world we live in now. true we're not quite to the point of watching children murder each other for food on national television. but honestly, i don't think we're as far from it as we'd like to believe. we live in a world full of taking and consuming and waste. and i live here too. i buy my toms shoes and feel good that a child somewhere in africa is getting their own pair. but i walk by the homeless man that sits in front of my apartment building who has no shoes. i feel superior because i live in a country that has running water and education available to all. i am prideful. i am weak. i love reality tv. and i think that so often when i feel prompted to do something about this darkness i feel in my life i'm quick to find "balance". i say to myself, "there's nothing wrong with the blessings God has given me. i shouldn't feel bad because i'm warm and well fed."

why shouldn't i? if i've learned anything from Jesus it's that he wasn't about balance. he asked his disciples to leave behind families. he told the rich young man to give up everything. he even took a small boy's loaves and fishes to feed the masses.

i guess at the end of this book i realized a couple things. one, i'm tired of the middle ground. two, i want to be radical and brave and i want to die knowing that i gave every ounce of myself to the Lord. i am one voice. i am one set of hands and one pair of feet. i'm one heart. and i'm ready to go. if you want to join me there's more than enough room.

the best part of my job...

i spent all last week at camp. the jr. highers and i trekked our way to forest home and we spent five glorious days hiking, swimming, crafting (yes, i'm using the term "crafting"), and just enjoying God's beautiful creation.

a lot of work goes into sending kiddos to camp. there's filling the spots, paperwork, medical forms, packing lists, finding drivers, and all sorts of other headaches. and sometimes i get caught up in doing those important tasks. the day before we left i wanted so badly to crawl under my bed and not come out. i thought, "seriously? could anything else go wrong? is camp really worth all this?"

as usual God reminded me that its always worth it. i watched my kiddos last week as they loved each other. i watched them open their hearts to God. I was lucky enough to lead one of our girlies to Christ. I was blessed to watch our kids wash each other's feet. we threw our hands in the air and sang at the top of our voices. we walked with God. of course it took a week away for me to remember the best part of my job: i get to help students fall in love with God. i get to show them the reason i get out of bed in the morning. i get to walk with them as they discover the amazing call God has for them. it's a joy. it's a privilage. so enjoy these pictures of my beautiful students from camp. it was a great week.