i'm not quite sure where to start here and so bear with me if this blog veers wildly off course. if i was asked to describe myself in just a handful of words among the obvious choices (brilliant, beautiful, mother theresa-esque...) i would say "adventerous". and a lot of people would agree with that. i mean i've been to africa for pete's sake! surely i am a thrill seeker- someone who throws caution to the wind and just jumps into the giant abyss of the unknown. however, these past few weeks i've learned that in fact, i hate adventure. i. hate. it. because adventure is the passionate lover of change and those two bastards won't be satisfied until i'm dead.
i am about to take this giant leap and i'm terrified. i'm scared that i'm making a mistake. i'm scared that i'll hate it or mess my life up somehow. probably more than anything else i'm scared that it won't live up to the expectations that i've built.
and as i think back to each of the "adventerous" decisions i've made in my life, i realize that i didn't really make them. if it had been up to me i would have stayed completely stationary. i would have kept my feet on solid ground and left the flying up to the professionals. but here's a truth i know: God wants us to feel the wind in our hair. thankfully my God hasn't let me stay on the ground for too long. at just the right moments He pushes my arms upward. He lifts my eyes to the clouds and He tosses me off the biggest cliff He can find. and in moments of flight i can't help but think about how lucky i am to be soaring.
so even though there's still a brass band pounding away on my insides, even though at night it sometimes takes me hours to fall asleep because i'm listing potential horrible outcomes in my mind, and even though every time i think about leaving my students and my family i start to cry. even though the mountains are crumbling into the sea and the sky is on fire, i am going to fly. i am going to let myself be carried by the breeze. i am going to trust my God. He hasn't let me down yet.
