The West Wing...

the west wing is my favorite tv show ever. i mean ever. i own the entire series on dvd, watch it regularly and often, and still find it as enjoyable as i did the first time. i've decided to list out my top ten favorite episodes. this was a difficult process, but i think i've managed to do it. so without further ado, in no particular order, please to enjoy:

10. the crackpots and these women (season 1)
in this episode leo has set up appointments for each senior staff member to meet with a group that usually doesn't end up getting face time with the west wing. cj meets with an animal rights group that wants to build a wolves only hwy, sam meets a man who believes there's an alien spaceship headed toward earth, etc. meanwhile josh is given instructions on what to do in case of a major threat on the country and they don't sit well with him. this is one of my favorite episodes for a couple reasons. first, it is the first episode where aaron sorkin is making a statement about what government should be, rather than what it is. he's posing the question: what would our country look like if we took time to listen to a variety of voices? secondly, it's hilarious. the scene of cj bantering with this wolf group makes me laugh out loud every time. finally, this makes the top 10 simply because of two scenes: josh with his therapist and josh with cj. both scenes are some of bradly whitford's best acting in these series. they are subtle, powerful, and hugely emotional.

9. in the shadow of two gunman: parts 1 and 2 (season 2)
i'm cheating here and making counting two episodes as one, but whatever. it's my blog, i make the rules. two gunman have shot at the president and his staff as they exit a building. in these opening episodes for season 2 we flash between how the white house is handling the emergency and how the senior staff all got into their positions. these episodes are remarkable. they're understated, even while they're walking through an extremely dramatic storyline. they're quiet and yet by the end of the episode, i found myself incredibly moved by what i had just seen. one last thing, i think the MVP moment of these episodes is when donna first finds out that josh was shot. janel moloney makes some really bold choices as an actress and they pay off in big ways.

8. 17 people (season 2)
in this episode toby figures out that bartlett isn't planning on running for a second term and the president  is forced to tell him that he has MS. meanwhile josh, donna, sam, and ainsley are punching up the jokes for an upcoming speech the president is giving. i love the interplay between toby and the president in this episode. they're both angry and frustrated. they're both convinced they're in the right. there's this constant tug-of-war between them and this episode is a great example of that. plus this episode really digs into the question of how much privacy our presidents should be afforded. i love that aaron sorkin is never afraid to wade into murky waters and leave us there to find our own way out. also the stuff between josh and donna is heartwarming and as always sam and ainsley have great chemistry and really give us something to giggle at.

7. two cathedrals (season 2)
i love this episode so much i have actually used it as an illustration in multiple sermons. this episode tackles mrs. landingham's funeral, it flashes back to how bartlett met mrs. landingham, and it sets the stage for season three. there are multiple amazing moments in this episode. but here are my two favorites: everyone has left the church after the funeral and the president asks the secret service to seal the chapel so he can have a moment alone. as a man of great faith it seems like this is going to be a moment where he grabs hold of God and leans on him. instead this is what he says:
Bartlet: You're a son of a bitch, you know that? She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What, was that supposed to be funny? "You can't conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God," says Graham Greene. I don't know whose ass he was kissin' there, 'cause I think you're just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman, a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to yours but praise his glory and praise his name? There's a tropical storm that's gaining speed and power. They say we haven't had a storm this bad since you took out that Tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year. Sixty-eight crew. You know what a Tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. It doesn't even carry guns, it just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail. That's all it can do. Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I've committed many sins. Have I dispelased you, you feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn't good? Bailed out Mexico, increased foreign trade, thirty million new acres of land for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench, we're not fighting a war, I've raised three children... that's not enough to buy me out of the dog house? You get Hoynes!
i love this moment of anger, this moment of such grief and honesty. and i think it is a powerful example of how we can approach God in all of our brokenness. my other favorite moment is the last scenes of the episode. there's no way i can adequately explain it. so watch it for yourself:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EgLiPvhV-Y

6. isaac and ishmael (season 3)
during the hiatus for the show between the second and third season 9/11 happened. aaron sorkin decided to open the west wing's third season with a stand-alone episode that would address the aftermath of that tragedy. in this episode a group of high school students are visiting the west wing when there's a lockdown. so josh and the rest of the staff sit with them, in a cafeteria and they talk about terrorism. they ask the questions we were all asking ourselves during those first few months. again sorkin is at his best when he poses an issue, gives us all the sides to think about, and then leaves us to make our own decision about what is right.

5. game on (season 4)
it's the night of the big debate and as cj says, the staff is worried if the president is going to show up or if it will be "mr. fluffy." this episode makes my favorite list for only one reason and it's just a few lines delivered by the great martin sheen. but they are some pretty badass amazing lines:

Governor Robert Ritchie: My view of this is simple: we don't need a Federal Department of Education telling us our children have to learn Esperanto, they have to learn Eskimo poetry. Let the states decide, let the communities decide on health care, on education, on lower taxes, not higher taxes. Now, he's going to throw a big word at you - "unfunded mandate." He's going to say if Washington lets the states do it, it's an unfunded mandate. But what he doesn't like is the federal government losing power. But I call it the ingenuity of the American people.
Moderator: President Bartlet, you have 60 seconds for a question and an answer.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Well, first of all, let's clear up a couple of things. "Unfunded mandate" is two words, not one big word. There are times when we're fifty states and there are times when we're one country, and have national needs. And the way I know this is that Florida didn't fight Germany in World War II or establish civil rights. You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That's a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year - from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. I'm supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?

4. inauguration, part 2: over there (season 4)
the president is beginning his second term and all the hijinks that go along with that. for those of us who love josh and donna this is one of the best episodes. the scene where he comes to her house before the ball is just swoon-worthy. this is one of those episodes where i am in awe of how witty the humor of this show is. the lines are well written, no one would ever argue that. but they're also delivered with such precision that it's clear this show is made by the best of the best. this episode is fun, it's smart, and it's hilarious.

3. gaza (season 5)
donna is on a fact finding trip in gaza with a handful of senators when the car she's riding in is blown up. i think this episode completely changes the series. leo and the president disagree on what the response should be, to the extent that this is the beginning of the end for leo as the chief of staff. josh and donna's "will they/won't they" reaches it's boiling point and their relationship never really returns to what it looked like before. the tone of the show shifts as well. this episode reminds the viewer that a presidency may be full of nuances, but ultimately legacies are defined by one single decision, for better or worse.

2. impact winter (season 6)
cj, toby, and the president head to china for what is to be bartlett's last international trip of his presidency. his MS has progressed significantly and he is forced to stay in a wheelchair. meanwhile, josh is left behind to "keep an eye on things." this is also the episode that we see tangibly a change we have felt instinctively. donna officially quits and moves onto working for the vice-president's campaign. in my opinion donna is the character that changes the most in the series. this episode is where that change starts to practically show itself. she's no longer an assistant and she no longer can work under josh. their relationship is utterly different. i love that this episode has me feeling all topsy-turvey. the storyline in china reveals just how tenacious president bartlett is. the josh/donna storyline reminds me the end is near and shows how carefully crafted these characters were.

1. tomorrow (season 7)
in many ways the series finale left me craving more. i wanted to flash forward 5 years and see where all these characters were (and the blurb in the premiere of season 7 doesn't cut it). but really, this episode is the perfect end to a series that i love so much. as president bartlett and his staff are preparing to say good-bye, president-elect santos and his staff are just beginning. i have probably watched this episode (and the entire series) more than 30 times and without fail this episode makes me cry. always. my favorite moment is when debbie is showing ronna her desk. ronna wanders into the oval office and it's clear she's overcome with emotion and this room. debbie has this to say:
Your most important job is keeping track of who's going in and out of the Oval Office. The first thing you'll need to do is establish who'll have walk-in privileges. Usually it's just the First Lady and the Chief of Staff. At some point the President's going to ask you to take away his wife's walk-in privileges. Don't do it no matter how much he begs. You have the right to attend the morning staff meeting. I never went because the senior staff was already appropriately intimidated by my stern visage and dry wit. But you're young, you have a baby face. They are going to try and walk all over you. You should go. [Stands behind Ronna as she looks into Oval Office with awe.] You desk sits right outside this door. You prepare his schedule. You decide who goes in and who doesn't. Your most frequent response to any question will be 'no'. [Gives Ronna's arm a reassuring sqeeze] Say it with empathy and you'll be fine. 
it always hits me at this moment in the episode how powerfully the simplest of jobs impact our world. in a lot of ways ronna is just a secretary. she's going to answer the phone and file papers, and yet she sits right outside the oval office and she decides who goes in and who doesn't. her presence makes an impact. ultimately that's something this show constantly teaches me: my presence makes an impact.

a reminder i needed desperately...

my dad likes to end sunday services with the phrase: "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good." sometimes it's hard to believe that. this year especially i found myself wanting nothing to do with God. didn't crack my bible unless i had to for school (so, ok, i guess i cracked my bible a lot), didn't participate during worship beyond singing, didn't even really want to go to church. i guess if i'm going to be really bluntly honest it's because i have felt that God dealt me a bad hand.

i am desperate to be a mom. i have all this love and light stored up in me and i just want to drench my children in it. even at 7 i was dancing around my bedroom, cradling my dolls and telling them that mommy loves them so much. i'm told that when my brother was born i barely let anyone near the newborn because he was "mine." motherhood is the dream that whispers to me before i fall asleep and it lulls me awake each morning.

for a variety of reasons i'm not sure that dream will ever become reality. at least not in the way i always thought it would and that knowledge built up a big wall around my heart. i felt like i was playing chicken with God. "give me what i want, in the way that i want it or i'm just going to dig my heels in even further!" i'm so glad that my God knows how to love me even when i'm a stubborn idiot.

a few years ago when i was first dealing with the reality of facing a future without pregnant bellies or crib preperation i was crying on the phone with my kathy. kathy eisenhower baby-sat me, came to all my soccer games and speech contests, and she was the first person to ever tell me that i don't need a man to be happy (although to be fair, i was 5 at the time and i'm pretty sure she was reacting to a break-up. but hey, true advice none the less). kathy, who has struggled with her own infertility said that not getting pregnant is like sitting in a waiting room and never hearing your name called. my kathy has been someone who understands and loves me and is always there when i need to talk.

for years kathy prayed and hoped and tried to live her life in a way that honored the Giver not the gift. last week God reminded her that she belongs to a tribe of women he did not forget: sarah, elizabeth, mary, kathy...

kathy and her newly adopted little boy josiah

this picture reminds me that i am a part of that tribe. i am not forgotten. i am not left alone. this picture reminds me that families are made in many ways and that God will not leave me without a community to love. mostly this picture reminds me that when i'm hurting and broken instead of digging my heels in and wanting to stand alone, i should be letting myself melt into my God's arms. it's the only safe place. so tonight, for the first time in a very long time, i feel hope. i trust that someday i'll get to experience the joy kathy is holding in her arms right now. and i hope that when my day comes i can look back and see that i was as faithful as my kathy. i hope i can be as brave and strong and that i can give hope to other women who live in our tribe. 

kath- you know this already, but you are family. you may not be flesh of my flesh but you live in my heart. i'm so happy for you and phil. i'm so overjoyed. thank you for being a soft place that i can land when the world is just a little too hard.