Wednesday, March 30, 2011
earnest and honest...
'earnest' is a word that rolls off my tongue with joy and cartwheels. i love that word. i love how it sounds, i love what it means, and i love that there is an amazing play all about it with more word-play than should be allowed in three acts. 'EARNEST'. i have a harder time with 'honest'. it doesn't flow with the same ease. i've always found that the people in my life who claim to be 'honest' really just use that word as a sheild when they want to be 'obnoxious' or 'intrusive' or 'judgemental'. 'honest' doesn't ignite the same warm glow that 'earnest' does. so why the vocab lesson? well i'll tell you. each week i listen to a podcast of city church in seattle. pastor judah smith is one of the only preachers who grabs and holds my attention for a good hour. his sermons inspire me to draw closer to my Jesus. last week i was listening to him speak about prayer. he was sharing with the church about how through this season of grief they find themselves in, real prayer is so vital. their church has seen three really significant and sudden deaths and they're processing. so he's preaching about prayer- hey i'm a pastor's kid, nothing i haven't heard... or so i thought. as he spoke about coming to God earnestly i found myself in tears. i thought about my prayer life. how it has become a list of "shoulds". i remind myself to pray for my country and my students and my family and my friends and my health and my future. geez, even writing that list it all melts into one blur. when i was sixteen i would spend twenty minutes on just one prayer. whatever was on my heart. i would pray my passion. i didn't feel a knee-jerk reaction to cover my prayer bases. when i was in africa, i didn't spend my quiet times rattling off a list to God. i spent time (sometimes moments, sometimes hours) praying for things earnestly. i would listen to my heart and then i would hand it to God and ask him to make it beat in time with His. then pastor judah began the part of the sermon i don't like hearing. he began speaking the part that convicts me and makes me realize that i am broken and human and in desperate need of my God. he spoke about preaching honestly. honesty. not my strong suit. i have worked diligently to carefully craft the chelsea i want people to see. she is strong and very rarely vulnerable. it used to be the only time i dusted off real chelsea was during my prayer times. but as i look at my journal i see that strong chelsea has been making more of an appearance. even my private prayers are full of exultation that i'm just not sure i feel right now. i'm trying to prove to God and myself that i'm not scared, that i'm no angry, that i'm not hurt, that i'm not lonely. but as pastor judah reminded me: who am i kidding? God knows. He knows before the words are even off my lips. He knows. 'earnest' and i are becoming reacquainted and i am remembering why it was such a beautiful friendship in the first place. 'honest' and i still don't trust each other, but we're working on it. we're working on it.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
just for the fun of it...
lately i've been blogging about many serious and thoughtful things. i've decided to take a break from all of that and instead spend some time telling you all about what i am currently obsessed with. so take notes because these are things you should also be obsessed with...
- THIS HAIRCUT: ok ladies, let me tell you something i think some of you may not know: our hair grows back. this means that you should take chances. cut it a little shorter, color it a new shade of brown- or even something radical, like red. you own your hair, it doesn't own you. which is why i highly encourage changing it up. this is the current haircut i'm rocking. who knows what will come next?!
- Judah Smith: i heard him speak at a conference i was at a few weeks ago and his message was seriously powerful. but i wasn't convinced- speaking as someone who is in ministry- anyone can have a good night. but when i took to youtube and watched some of his other messages i realized he's the real deal. he loves God and he knows how to share that love in a sermon. check it out.
- Anthropologie: if you are not already in love with this store, you are crazy! not only is it full of amazing treasures, but the way that's decorated is an art form. sometimes i go in there just to wander around and look at the walls. yes, everything in it is totally expensive. but go in anyway and just look- every once and awhile you'll hit a sale item that will change your life.
- THIS HAIRCUT: ok ladies, let me tell you something i think some of you may not know: our hair grows back. this means that you should take chances. cut it a little shorter, color it a new shade of brown- or even something radical, like red. you own your hair, it doesn't own you. which is why i highly encourage changing it up. this is the current haircut i'm rocking. who knows what will come next?! - Judah Smith: i heard him speak at a conference i was at a few weeks ago and his message was seriously powerful. but i wasn't convinced- speaking as someone who is in ministry- anyone can have a good night. but when i took to youtube and watched some of his other messages i realized he's the real deal. he loves God and he knows how to share that love in a sermon. check it out.- Hipsters: they fascinate me and i think my friend matt is turning into one.
- Adele's new album- 21: OMG IT IS SO GOOD. ok, now i'm ashamed that i used "OMG" in my blog. but it is so, so good. the songs are poignant and sung so, so sweetly. this woman has major music chops.
- Moleskins: so i think i am jumping onto this bandwagon a decade late... BUT i just bought my first moleskin and i am in head-over-heels, crazy, calling-and-hanging-up-when-he-answers in love (uh-oh, maybe i'm turning into a hipster)!! but i love this little journal. i love the rich red color, and how the pages are so soft. i love the little pocket on the back cover, that i still can't figure out what to use for. Moleskins, you are all i ever wanted in a journal.
- Moleskins: so i think i am jumping onto this bandwagon a decade late... BUT i just bought my first moleskin and i am in head-over-heels, crazy, calling-and-hanging-up-when-he-answers in love (uh-oh, maybe i'm turning into a hipster)!! but i love this little journal. i love the rich red color, and how the pages are so soft. i love the little pocket on the back cover, that i still can't figure out what to use for. Moleskins, you are all i ever wanted in a journal.- Justin Beiber: when my students first started trailing into my office professing their true love of the Beib's, i laughed. it reminded me of my obsession with N'Sync and since no one and nothing can make my heart beat like JC, i figured this kid was just another wannabe. i spent all last year mocking those with the fever. But 2 winter camps+never say never+the grammy's have made a beli-ber out of me.
ok i think this is enough for you to wade through... enjoy falling for these things, i know i have.
Friday, March 11, 2011
long time to wait...
i have had a lot swirling around in my head the past few weeks. i have been thinking about where my food comes from and what an incredible blessing it is that there is always something on my dinner table. i have been freaking out about turning 27. i have been stressed out of my mind as i try to think about what this summer will look like in programming and spirit. i have been getting excited to add another member to my family and also mourning the loss of our little foursome. so, so much. mostly i have spent so much time thinking about me. which, let's be honest, is what consumes us most of the time.
last week i went to an amazing conference. it was a gift from an incredibly generous family in our congregation. i got four days of sitting and absorbing wisdom from leaders who are older and wiser than me. i listened to andy stanley, christine kane, miles mcpherson, and so many more. it was a much needed week for me. there were three things that stood out to me and i'm going to do my best to express them here, but who knows how that will go.
the first night david platt was our closing speaker. he spoke about being radical. he charged us to live lives that reveal the extreme nature of the Jesus we follow. he reminded us that there is no time to waste. here's a quote from his talk: "we don't have time to play games with our lives. we don't have time to play games in our church. we serve a God who deserves complete devotion. if you're going to follow Him, you must give up everything you have. surely this Savior is worth more than casual church attendance. surely He is worth reckless abandonment!" WOW. i felt goosebumps all over when he said that. i was reminded that my Jesus asked me to pick up my cross and follow him. i want so desperately to let go of everything i'm holding onto and grasp hold of Him.
the second night is where my next two moments of epiphany happened. the first was during the closing speaker's talk. judah smith (who you should youtube, because his sermons are freaking amazing) spoke about what we do while waiting for God to fulfill promises He's given us. he spoke about how we wrestle in the tension of partially fulfilled promises. i realized that i've been spending my life waiting for the fulfillment of that promise. i've been holding my breath and the more purple my face turns- the angrier at God i get. i turn my head to the sky and i yell, "when?! when are you going to recognise that i've waited long enough!" but moses never reached the promised land and abraham never met the promised nation. following my Jesus depends not on what He's promised me. it depends entirely on His goodness, His power, and His calling. So Jesus gets all my days, all my nights, all of my life, all of me.
the last amazing thing that happened, happened during worship one night. they had gungor lead us in worship. i love gungor. here is a band that plays masterfully and writes lyrics that are intense and honest. i closed my eyes and listened as they strung together the drums, piano, guitars, and cello. i let the music wash over me and then it hit me. here are the lyrics to the song they were singing:
"all this pain, i wonder if i'll ever find my way. i wonder if my life could really change at all. all this earth, could all that is lost ever be found? could a garden come up from this ground at all?
and then it hit me. it hit me like it always does in those moments when i stop thinking about myself and think instead, about my Jesus. i am loved. i am a broken, selfish, ugly thing. but my God, the God who parts seas and raises the dead loves me. and that love- HIS LOVE transforms me into a beautiful thing. i am being made new. my thoughts and fears and desires are slowly, very slowly being made new. it is a great and glorious thing to realize.
last week i went to an amazing conference. it was a gift from an incredibly generous family in our congregation. i got four days of sitting and absorbing wisdom from leaders who are older and wiser than me. i listened to andy stanley, christine kane, miles mcpherson, and so many more. it was a much needed week for me. there were three things that stood out to me and i'm going to do my best to express them here, but who knows how that will go.
the first night david platt was our closing speaker. he spoke about being radical. he charged us to live lives that reveal the extreme nature of the Jesus we follow. he reminded us that there is no time to waste. here's a quote from his talk: "we don't have time to play games with our lives. we don't have time to play games in our church. we serve a God who deserves complete devotion. if you're going to follow Him, you must give up everything you have. surely this Savior is worth more than casual church attendance. surely He is worth reckless abandonment!" WOW. i felt goosebumps all over when he said that. i was reminded that my Jesus asked me to pick up my cross and follow him. i want so desperately to let go of everything i'm holding onto and grasp hold of Him.
the second night is where my next two moments of epiphany happened. the first was during the closing speaker's talk. judah smith (who you should youtube, because his sermons are freaking amazing) spoke about what we do while waiting for God to fulfill promises He's given us. he spoke about how we wrestle in the tension of partially fulfilled promises. i realized that i've been spending my life waiting for the fulfillment of that promise. i've been holding my breath and the more purple my face turns- the angrier at God i get. i turn my head to the sky and i yell, "when?! when are you going to recognise that i've waited long enough!" but moses never reached the promised land and abraham never met the promised nation. following my Jesus depends not on what He's promised me. it depends entirely on His goodness, His power, and His calling. So Jesus gets all my days, all my nights, all of my life, all of me.
the last amazing thing that happened, happened during worship one night. they had gungor lead us in worship. i love gungor. here is a band that plays masterfully and writes lyrics that are intense and honest. i closed my eyes and listened as they strung together the drums, piano, guitars, and cello. i let the music wash over me and then it hit me. here are the lyrics to the song they were singing:
"all this pain, i wonder if i'll ever find my way. i wonder if my life could really change at all. all this earth, could all that is lost ever be found? could a garden come up from this ground at all?
you make beautiful things. you make beautiful things out of the dust. you make beautiful things. you make beautiful things out of us.
all around hope is springing up from this old ground. out of chaos life is being found in you.
you make beautiful things. you make beautiful things out of the dust. you make beautiful things. you make beautiful things out of us.
you make me new. you are making me new."
Monday, February 14, 2011
veg update #2
jr. high winter camp (day 4-6):
this had moments of real difficulty but overall i was ok. there was one meal (burgers) that just had chips, buns, and hamburgers. i wanted to punch someone in the face. and then after lunch, after i had eaten some chips and was realizing i had a date with the clubhouse, matt hazelton informed me they had veggie burgers! i'm glad i know that for high school winter camp (this weekend)
days 7-13:
i'm finding that once i'm eating an actual meal, i don't even think about the lack of meat in it. i'm perfectly happy with my veggie version. in fact sometimes i think my veggies version is better than the other choice (seriously, have we thought about what's in a hot dog?). but, the prep and the thinking about what to eat sucks. training my mind to think in new ways is taking longer than i thought it would. also finding resturants that have actual vegetarian options is annoying. but thanks to a few of you (hooray for the klugs!) i am branching out in my meals.
day 14:
today, i am reminded why an experiment like this works. i have wonderful friends and family around me who want to see me suceed. the lovely tiffany janosov is making sure i have a veg-friendly option when i go to her house tonight. my momma made me eggplant parm on friday, just because she's awesome. even just those few of you reading this and sending me messages of encouragement play such a big part in my success. it's been reminding me that God wants us to share our struggles with each other. he wants us to lean on each other. so far this has been the most important lesson i'm learning.
ok, this weekend i leave for high school winter camp. i think this time around will be better- i know what to expect from you forest home!
this had moments of real difficulty but overall i was ok. there was one meal (burgers) that just had chips, buns, and hamburgers. i wanted to punch someone in the face. and then after lunch, after i had eaten some chips and was realizing i had a date with the clubhouse, matt hazelton informed me they had veggie burgers! i'm glad i know that for high school winter camp (this weekend)
days 7-13:
i'm finding that once i'm eating an actual meal, i don't even think about the lack of meat in it. i'm perfectly happy with my veggie version. in fact sometimes i think my veggies version is better than the other choice (seriously, have we thought about what's in a hot dog?). but, the prep and the thinking about what to eat sucks. training my mind to think in new ways is taking longer than i thought it would. also finding resturants that have actual vegetarian options is annoying. but thanks to a few of you (hooray for the klugs!) i am branching out in my meals.
day 14:
today, i am reminded why an experiment like this works. i have wonderful friends and family around me who want to see me suceed. the lovely tiffany janosov is making sure i have a veg-friendly option when i go to her house tonight. my momma made me eggplant parm on friday, just because she's awesome. even just those few of you reading this and sending me messages of encouragement play such a big part in my success. it's been reminding me that God wants us to share our struggles with each other. he wants us to lean on each other. so far this has been the most important lesson i'm learning.
ok, this weekend i leave for high school winter camp. i think this time around will be better- i know what to expect from you forest home!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
fasting...
i remember so distinctly the first time i heard about fasting. i was in fifth or sixth grade and kathy, phil, and oliver were in my living room. they were talking with my dad about fasting. i remember thinking they were insane. why would anyone purposefully not eat? why would they want to deprive themselves? what possible lessons could one get from it? it wasn't until much later that i found answers for those questions.
i think most people have misconceptions about fasting. i know i certainly did. they either give it too much credit or not enough. i know for me, learning to give something up has always been a difficult lesson to learn.
last year when i was running 30 Hour Famine with my jr. highers i had a lot of people express that they didn't think jr. high was an appropriate age to teach about fasting. they said they didn't think kids that young could really understand what they were doing. my initial response to that is introduce me to an adult who really understands what they're doing when it comes to God. but i explain that i think jr. high is an age when you still believe your faith can move mountains and so it's an age that you actually get to see the mountains move. my students work hard at 30 Hour Famine, in a lot of ways they work harder than the older kids and adults who do it with us.
tomorrow we begin our 30 Days of Awareness. this is an idea i got from blake and its brilliant. for the next 30 days (we're a month away from the famine) all students participating in 30 Hour Famine will go through a devotional book, asking them to fast from other things. a day without sarcasm, a week without tv, a day without vanity, etc. this booklet begins to prepare their hearts and minds for 30 Hour Famine.
so, below i am listing the things we'll be fasting. if you want to join us in this exercise we'd love to have you. it's a great way to draw closer to our God and it's also a great way for you to partner with me and my kiddos. if you want the devotional book that comes with this, let me know and I'll email you the file. some of the items may be hard to grasp without the devotional.
- 2/9: fast from comfort (sleep on the floor)
- 2/10: fast from music
- 2/11: fast from choice (let someone else make your choices for you)
- 2/12-2/13: fast from tv
-2/14: fast from vanity (don't use a mirror)
- 2/15: fast from sarcasm
- 2/16-2/18: fast from the internet
- 2/19: fast from excess (leave 5 items at home, i.e. chapstick, jacket, wallet, cell phone, water bottle)
- 2/20: fast from junk (no junk food)
- 2/21-2/22: fast from showers
- 2/23: fast from greed (spend absolutely no money)
- 2/24: fast from warmth (leave your jacket at home)
- 2/25: fast from isolation (visit a neighbor, or spend time with a friend)
- 2/26: fast from credit (take no credit for anything you do today)
- 2/27-3/1: fast from ignorance (research a social justice issue)
- 3/2: fast from sleep
- 3/3: fast from people (spend some one-on-one time with God)
- 3/4-3/6: fast from hurry
- 3/7-3/10: fast from insecurity
i think most people have misconceptions about fasting. i know i certainly did. they either give it too much credit or not enough. i know for me, learning to give something up has always been a difficult lesson to learn.
last year when i was running 30 Hour Famine with my jr. highers i had a lot of people express that they didn't think jr. high was an appropriate age to teach about fasting. they said they didn't think kids that young could really understand what they were doing. my initial response to that is introduce me to an adult who really understands what they're doing when it comes to God. but i explain that i think jr. high is an age when you still believe your faith can move mountains and so it's an age that you actually get to see the mountains move. my students work hard at 30 Hour Famine, in a lot of ways they work harder than the older kids and adults who do it with us.
tomorrow we begin our 30 Days of Awareness. this is an idea i got from blake and its brilliant. for the next 30 days (we're a month away from the famine) all students participating in 30 Hour Famine will go through a devotional book, asking them to fast from other things. a day without sarcasm, a week without tv, a day without vanity, etc. this booklet begins to prepare their hearts and minds for 30 Hour Famine.
so, below i am listing the things we'll be fasting. if you want to join us in this exercise we'd love to have you. it's a great way to draw closer to our God and it's also a great way for you to partner with me and my kiddos. if you want the devotional book that comes with this, let me know and I'll email you the file. some of the items may be hard to grasp without the devotional.
- 2/9: fast from comfort (sleep on the floor)
- 2/10: fast from music
- 2/11: fast from choice (let someone else make your choices for you)
- 2/12-2/13: fast from tv
-2/14: fast from vanity (don't use a mirror)
- 2/15: fast from sarcasm
- 2/16-2/18: fast from the internet
- 2/19: fast from excess (leave 5 items at home, i.e. chapstick, jacket, wallet, cell phone, water bottle)
- 2/20: fast from junk (no junk food)
- 2/21-2/22: fast from showers
- 2/23: fast from greed (spend absolutely no money)
- 2/24: fast from warmth (leave your jacket at home)
- 2/25: fast from isolation (visit a neighbor, or spend time with a friend)
- 2/26: fast from credit (take no credit for anything you do today)
- 2/27-3/1: fast from ignorance (research a social justice issue)
- 3/2: fast from sleep
- 3/3: fast from people (spend some one-on-one time with God)
- 3/4-3/6: fast from hurry
- 3/7-3/10: fast from insecurity
Friday, February 4, 2011
veggie update...
ok- i've got so many blog posts to do that i'm starting to feel a little crazy. coming soon to a website near you are my thoughts on what's going on in Egypt, a life update, the most hilarious youth night i have ever experienced in my life, and a comprehensive list of my must-see movies of 2010. but for now i'm just going to give you a quick update on my vegetarian ways.
day 1-
it was ok. i found it super challenging to find meals that didn't leave me hungry 2 hours later. but after talking with my amazing veggie-sponsor (michelle weiss will rock your socks!) i saw that being a vegetarian is about shifting your world view. i can't just eat salad. that would be crazy. i have to think outside the box. protein? try some peanut butter or lentils. hungry for some chicken parm? try substituting eggplant instead.
day 2-
ok this was where things got weird. i was nauseous all day. i never actually threw up- but my body was acting like it was going through withdrawal symptoms. i was kind of surprised by this because i am in no way a total junk food junkie. i always thought of myself as eating pretty balanced meals, maybe a little carnivore-heavy, but always balanced. that night i watched the oprah where her staff goes vegan for a week and i learned something else: my body was going through withdrawals! this experiment of mine is working like a cleanse and it's giving me a chance to "clean out" and so i will feel a little off for a few days. p.s. even if you love meat and have no interest in veggies you should see this episode. the things i learned were shocking. i didn't walk away from the episode thinking everyone on the planet should give up meat, but i did walk away knowing i will never think about my food in the same way.
day 3-
i went to whole foods and stocked up! i felt satisfied and happy the whole day. i even had a mark special (my favorite pasta ever) just minus the shrimp and i didn't even miss it (much).
day 4-
i'm going to winter camp. i have no idea how this will work at forest home, so i guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out.
day 1-
it was ok. i found it super challenging to find meals that didn't leave me hungry 2 hours later. but after talking with my amazing veggie-sponsor (michelle weiss will rock your socks!) i saw that being a vegetarian is about shifting your world view. i can't just eat salad. that would be crazy. i have to think outside the box. protein? try some peanut butter or lentils. hungry for some chicken parm? try substituting eggplant instead.
day 2-
ok this was where things got weird. i was nauseous all day. i never actually threw up- but my body was acting like it was going through withdrawal symptoms. i was kind of surprised by this because i am in no way a total junk food junkie. i always thought of myself as eating pretty balanced meals, maybe a little carnivore-heavy, but always balanced. that night i watched the oprah where her staff goes vegan for a week and i learned something else: my body was going through withdrawals! this experiment of mine is working like a cleanse and it's giving me a chance to "clean out" and so i will feel a little off for a few days. p.s. even if you love meat and have no interest in veggies you should see this episode. the things i learned were shocking. i didn't walk away from the episode thinking everyone on the planet should give up meat, but i did walk away knowing i will never think about my food in the same way.
day 3-
i went to whole foods and stocked up! i felt satisfied and happy the whole day. i even had a mark special (my favorite pasta ever) just minus the shrimp and i didn't even miss it (much).
day 4-
i'm going to winter camp. i have no idea how this will work at forest home, so i guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Veg-Head
in youth group the kiddos and i have been talking about self-discipline. partly because 30 Hour Famine is upon us and partly because its a good conversation to have with teenagers (frankly its a good conversation to have with adults). i've been encouraging my students to find ways in their lives that they can begin to practice this idea. but i think that an important part of leadership is showing your students that the talks you give and the bible lessons you teach, apply to everyone. so i've been looking for a way to practice what i preach.
hence for the month of february i will be a vegitarian. its something i've been wanting to try for awhile. i already love veggies and i find myself having lunch at green temple more often than i like to admit. but i also love me some red meat, chicken, pork, and above all else: FISH! so i have put off my little experiment because i haven't wanted to deny myself. but lately i have been thinking that a little dip in DE-NIAL (haha, get it? DE-NIAL/DE NILE) is good every once and awhile.
check back here for updates on how it's going. tonight is my last meal of delicious meat until march 1st.
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