wednesday's joy moment...

there are some days when i am overwhelmed by the belssings God has given me. there is so much i have to be grateful for. and i am realizing that i don't talk often enough of the great things in my life. so... today i am going to spend this blog just writing about one blessing. my prayer is that as you read this it will remind you of the joy in your own life.


so today i want to reflect on the blessing it is to work with my kiddos. i am often surprised by how much joy my job brings me. my students are thoughtful, caring, compassionate, hilarious, and have such strength. they work hard. the believe they can change the world. they love God. they love each other. they laugh and scream and shout and sing.

some of my favorite moments with them have been watching them worship. they worship God like He's standing right in front of them. that's amazing. i know adults who don't worship that way. it took me years to feel comfortable enough to worship like that. but that's who they are. they throw their hands in the air, they clap- even if it's off beat and no one else is clapping. they smile up at the sky and whisper their love to our GOD. it is sacred to watch them worship.

i also can't get enough of their stories. they can talk for days about an adventure they had or something funny that happened at school. i love it that they pour into the youth room on thursday night bursting to tell me about their day. i love that for them, i am a safe place. i love that they want to talk and share.

these students are my everything. they are the best part of my week. they challenge me and push me and drive me up a wall. but i am so, so, so, incredibly blessed to know them.

i love all of you so much! that never changes! no matter where you go or what you do, i want you to know that my love follows you.

questions...

i get a lot of questions throughout my day...

some of the business ones sound like this:
"have you turned in your budget proposal?"
"are there still spots for winter camp?"
"what time should i drop my kid off for the event on saturday?"

some of the personal ones sound like this:
"do you want to grab coffee and catch up this week?"
"are you done using the washing machine?"
"what should we make for dinner?"

but the most important questions are the ones that sound like this:
"do you think God is listening to my prayers?"
"do my parents love me?"
"will it ever get better?"

now i think what i find the most frustrating is that the most important questions are the ones that i just don't have concrete answers for. the most horrible aspect of my job is that i don't have an answer that washes away the pain and uncertainty of life. these students i work with are wonderful and smart. they're compassionate and so hilarious. so when they look at me and ask me the BIG, SCARY questions i just want to be able to give them an answer. but i don't have one.

so here's what the questions i ask sound like:
"God, am i doing a good job?"
"God, how do i love people the way you would?"
"God, will you help me?"

fasting...

i remember so distinctly the first time i heard about fasting. i was in fifth or sixth grade and kathy, phil, and oliver were in my living room. they were talking with my dad about fasting. i remember thinking they were insane. why would anyone purposefully not eat? why would they want to deprive themselves? what possible lessons could one get from it? it wasn't until much later that i found answers for those questions.

i think most people have misconceptions about fasting. i know i certainly did. they either give it too much credit or not enough. i know for me, learning to give something up has always been a difficult lesson to learn.

last year when i was running 30 Hour Famine with my jr. highers i had a lot of people express that they didn't think jr. high was an appropriate age to teach about fasting. they said they didn't think kids that young could really understand what they were doing. my initial response to that is introduce me to an adult who really understands what they're doing when it comes to God. but i explain that i think jr. high is an age when you still believe your faith can move mountains and so it's an age that you actually get to see the mountains move. my students work hard at 30 Hour Famine, in a lot of ways they work harder than the older kids and adults who do it with us.

tomorrow we begin our 30 Days of Awareness. this is an idea i got from blake and its brilliant. for the next 30 days (we're a month away from the famine) all students participating in 30 Hour Famine will go through a devotional book, asking them to fast from other things. a day without sarcasm, a week without tv, a day without vanity, etc. this booklet begins to prepare their hearts and minds for 30 Hour Famine.

so, below i am listing the things we'll be fasting. if you want to join us in this exercise we'd love to have you. it's a great way to draw closer to our God and it's also a great way for you to partner with me and my kiddos. if you want the devotional book that comes with this, let me know and I'll email you the file. some of the items may be hard to grasp without the devotional.

- 2/9: fast from comfort (sleep on the floor)
- 2/10: fast from music
- 2/11: fast from choice (let someone else make your choices for you)
- 2/12-2/13: fast from tv
-2/14: fast from vanity (don't use a mirror)
- 2/15: fast from sarcasm
- 2/16-2/18: fast from the internet
- 2/19: fast from excess (leave 5 items at home, i.e. chapstick, jacket, wallet, cell phone, water bottle)
- 2/20: fast from junk (no junk food)
- 2/21-2/22: fast from showers
- 2/23: fast from greed (spend absolutely no money)
- 2/24: fast from warmth (leave your jacket at home)
- 2/25: fast from isolation (visit a neighbor, or spend time with a friend)
- 2/26: fast from credit (take no credit for anything you do today)
- 2/27-3/1: fast from ignorance (research a social justice issue)
- 3/2: fast from sleep
- 3/3: fast from people (spend some one-on-one time with God)
- 3/4-3/6: fast from hurry
- 3/7-3/10: fast from insecurity

Veg-Head

in youth group the kiddos and i have been talking about self-discipline. partly because 30 Hour Famine is upon us and partly because its a good conversation to have with teenagers (frankly its a good conversation to have with adults). i've been encouraging my students to find ways in their lives that they can begin to practice this idea. but i think that an important part of leadership is showing your students that the talks you give and the bible lessons you teach, apply to everyone. so i've been looking for a way to practice what i preach.

hence for the month of february i will be a vegitarian. its something i've been wanting to try for awhile. i already love veggies and i find myself having lunch at green temple more often than i like to admit. but i also love me some red meat, chicken, pork, and above all else: FISH! so i have put off my little experiment because i haven't wanted to deny myself. but lately i have been thinking that a little dip in DE-NIAL (haha, get it? DE-NIAL/DE NILE) is good every once and awhile.

check back here for updates on how it's going. tonight is my last meal of delicious meat until march 1st.

the best part of my job...

i spent all last week at camp. the jr. highers and i trekked our way to forest home and we spent five glorious days hiking, swimming, crafting (yes, i'm using the term "crafting"), and just enjoying God's beautiful creation.

a lot of work goes into sending kiddos to camp. there's filling the spots, paperwork, medical forms, packing lists, finding drivers, and all sorts of other headaches. and sometimes i get caught up in doing those important tasks. the day before we left i wanted so badly to crawl under my bed and not come out. i thought, "seriously? could anything else go wrong? is camp really worth all this?"

as usual God reminded me that its always worth it. i watched my kiddos last week as they loved each other. i watched them open their hearts to God. I was lucky enough to lead one of our girlies to Christ. I was blessed to watch our kids wash each other's feet. we threw our hands in the air and sang at the top of our voices. we walked with God. of course it took a week away for me to remember the best part of my job: i get to help students fall in love with God. i get to show them the reason i get out of bed in the morning. i get to walk with them as they discover the amazing call God has for them. it's a joy. it's a privilage. so enjoy these pictures of my beautiful students from camp. it was a great week.

the pull...

one of my students asked me the other day why i care so much. she said something along the lines of: "chels you know you cry a lot, right? don't you think things would just be much easier if you didn't care quite so much? it probably would hurt a lot less when people disappointed you, if you didn't have any expectations for them."

now i firmly believe that a huge reason she was saying this was that we were in the middle of a discussion regarding my expectations for HER. so, probably if she wasn't getting a patented "chelsea-lecture" she wouldn't have said anything at all. but her point was well taken. she's right. so i started thinking about it. here's what i came up with:

i believe that God has created each of us in His image. i know that's a term that gets thrown around a lot, so let me tell you what i think it means. i think when God was busy painting the stars He was thinking about me. He was molding canyons and designing mocking birds. and He was also dreaming up His little girl: Chelsea Lee. Because God loves us so much, He wants to express that. in each of us He gives differently. if you read my blog then inevitably you've come across a post or two about the people i love and why i love them. i think those qualities are direct expressions of God's love for us.

when God was busy contemplating my qualities i think He knew He'd have to temper my pride, He'd need something that softened my tongue, and of course He knew that someday i would be hampered by my fear. So as He thought of those things, He came up with something to help pull me closer to Him and His will: my heart. God created me to love fiercely. its true that i care too much. and that caring often leads to heartbreak. when i think of the babies that i left in africa- i'm shattered. when i remember my friends who no longer walk with God i know i'm not whole. when i see someone broken and hurting and alone, all i want to do is hold them. i read the paper or see the news and i just want to get a giant microphone and scream, "stop hurting each other! stop competing and arguing. stop trying to put yourself first at someone's else's expense!"

all of those hurts are painful. my heart beats wildly for God's people and that means there are so many times when i feel let down. i know that my tears and my screams and my prayers are never enough, they will never be enough.

but if i'm honest (and i'm always honest on this blog) then i must say, i wouldn't have it any other way. i love to love. i love to know that when i am at my best my heart beats in time with God's. and that is an intimacy like no other.

here's what i've been up to lately...

30 Hour Famine...

when i began the process of preparing my church for '30 Hour Famine' i was consumed with "doing". there were literally 161 items on my '30 Hour Famine' TO DO list. over 3 months i was busy, busy, busy. and yes, there were moments when i stopped to think about the impact we could have or the ways that God could speak to us. but if i'm honest i very rarely thought about those things.

so friday, march 26th rolled around and i began fasting. i had talked the with students about fasting a lot. we'd talked about how it was a way we could find more intimacy with Christ. we'd had conversation after conversation about how God can be made strong in our weakness. but most of friday passed and i found myself simply 'not eating' and not really 'fasting'. then 6pm came. and in walked some of these faces:

they came hungry. they came energetic. they came armed with stories of how food had tempted them throughout the day but they stood strong. and a little piece of me began to remember why "30 Hour Famine" is powerful.

throughout friday night we played games and watched movies. as a leader i had planned a schedule that i hoped would inspire just as much as it instructed. i wanted the students to know uganda. short of actually going, i wanted them to be able to taste it. so i showed them some short films that invisible children produced. they were powerful stories. the students got caught up in them. after the games and videos we moved on to our craft. this is what the jr. highers have titled "tommy's blankey". they each decorated a quilt square and we're sending the quilt to the orphanage that jeff and amy got tommy from. the things the kids wrote were so beautiful and simply sweet. my favorite one was: "you live here (a picture of africa). i live here (a picture of the us). God loves us both (a picture of a heart)."

by the time saturday rolled around i was exhausted. my tummy ached, my head ached, and my energy level was definately way down. i walked into the church in the morning ready for "30 Hour Famine" to be over. and then the students started arriving. i could hear them talking with each other as i set some stuff up. here's a paraphrase of one of those conversations:

Ben- I am starving!

Dillon- No Ben, you aren't. The kids in Uganda are.

Ben- You know what I mean.

Dillon- Yeah, I know what you mean, but I don't think we should say we're starving anymore.

Ben- Yeah, maybe you're right. Hey, do you think this money is really gonna help any kids?

Dillon- I dunno. Maybe.

Ben- You know what would really help them?

Dillon- No, what?

Ben- If we went to Uganda and taught them to skate.

Dillon- Dude! Totally, let's do it.

Ben- Think Chelsea would take us?

Dillon- As long as it's ok with our moms why not? But we probably need a lot of money so we should start saving.

Ben- OK, I bet we can be ready by next month.

that conversation is why i do what i do. because a relationship with God is more than just loving God. it involves loving others too. these past 3 months i have seen my students slowly start to get it. the way they talk about tommy like he's their own little mascott of love. they way they ask me if God could drop some food on haiti. they are starting to put the pieces together on their own and its wonderful.

we ended "30 Hour Famine" with a handcraft. 25,000 people die each day because of hunger related issues. my kids made 2500 handprints and i told them each hand represented 10 people that died because they didn't have enough food. but i told them the hands represented something else too. each hand represented the effort and love with which they had entered the "30 Hour Famine". i told my students that with each hand they should remember they are changing the world. and they are. they really are.

i was beyond exhausted when i got home late saturday. but i had started the weekend with no thought of my Jesus and i ended the weekend completely safe in his embrace. completely sure of the cross. completely convinced that there isn't a single statistic on this planet that is stronger than my Lord. and as if those lessons weren't enough: i ended the weekend knowing that someday God's gonna have hold of my students' hearts the way He has mine.

hole in my heart...

Isaiah is my absolute favorite book of the Bible. It is the place I go for strength and courage. The words I find there consistantly challenge me and grow my faith. In my favorite book of the Bible there is a chapter; a seemingly small chapter. It is in this chapter that I hear my calling. It is in this chapter that I know how to throw myself into the work God has for me.

My heart always aches to be in Africa. I'm not ever truely whole until I'm there. But usually its a dull ache that I can ignore. Lately though I haven't been able to. My dreams are a world away. I wait on pins and needles for the day when the Lord says I can go there and never come back. So this morning in an effort to soothe the pain I'm meditating on Isaiah 61 and the above picture of my heart. Join me.

The Year of the Lord's Favor

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devestated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devestated for generations. Aliens will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. And you will be called priests of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast.

Instead of their shame my people will recieve a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs.

For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity. In my faithfullness I will reward them and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed.

I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.

yesterday...

at the end of this month my students and i will be holding an event called "30 Hour Famine". it's purpose is to raise awareness and funds to fight world hunger. the basic idea is that we will get our friends and family to sponsor us a dollar amount for each hour we fast. for example i'm fasting 30 hours and my good friend Tyler hellinga is giving me $3 for every hour fasted. then we send that money to Uganda through world vision. i've done this event before and it's a great way to help students and leaders see the world around them with more compassionate eyes.

anyway, yesterday in preparation for the famine i was watching some videos i bought from invisible children (http://www.invisiblechildren.com/). i'm going to be showing some of these videos throughout the event and i wanted to make sure they were jr. high appropriate. i spent about 2 hours in my office just crying and crying. and there were a lot of reasons for those tears.

i think the most obvious reason is that my heart just can't comprehend how we can be so cruel to each other. you can get way more detailed thoughts on that throughout my blog. but there was something else. when i was 15 years old i went on my very first mission trip to mexico and while there i saw a movie about the aids crisis in africa. and ever since that night, ever since i first heard the call for help my whole being wants to respond. if you know me, you know that i end up bringing up the topic of africa in almost every conversation. i can't help it. the person that God made me to be is screaming to do something; to love more completely.

watching the videos from invisible children reminded me that i have left so much work unfinished. i have left children, who are longing to be held and i have left mothers with too much work to do alone. its interesting to me that i got a heart for this wild and untamed continent while sitting in a room a world away. i guess that's why we do the famine, because who knows how God will touch the hearts of my students.

so i would like to ask all of you that read this (i actually have no idea if its more than haley, carlee, and amy) please be praying for me and my kiddos on march 26th and 27th. pray that God would let His spirit fall on RLC. ask Him to change lives and hearts. and maybe through your prayers and God's diligent work we will find that my students grow a heart to change the world, just like i did.

brave new world...

there have been a lot of ways in which st. andrews presbyterian church (sapc) left a distinct mark on my faith. so much of how i view God comes from the love and support and tears and anger that i got while attending sapc. but i think that if i had to sum all that up in one program it would be the acts (ambassadors for christ through song) program.

at first acts was this place that as a girl i just couldn't wait to be a member of. it represented everything cool and enticing and awesome. as i got older acts came to be the place where i met God. it was the process of going to practices and working hard and then enjoying a week of tour away from my life that taught me what relationship truly means.

and over the years with every tour i have fallen more in love with this program. i have seen it from every possible angle, worked every imaginable job. there is nothing more precious to me. it is what i look forward to all year. but this year for the first time in 19 years i won't be going. this past sunday acts had it's first practice and i wasn't there. they've picked the music and i had no hand in it. as i have been making the transition from sapc to resurrection lutheran church there haven't been many noticable disappointments. but here is one. i want so badly to get on that bus in june. i want to help students to see how necessary God is. i want to laugh with kevin about whether or not he'll actually get to be in charge of the movies. i want to roll my eyes with matty as albie puts a cold snapple on his neck. i'm going to miss out on the stories. i'm going to miss out on the fun and the blind hatred of modesto, california. and there is this very significant part of me that is mourning this loss.

however, there is another part of me; a smaller and less vocal part. this other part is so excited to see how God will use me with a brand new summer. for the first time in my entire life i am facing a summer without the traditions of st. andrews. no vbc, no family camp, no sunsets. and i think that this fresh summer holds many wonderful surprises.

so i wish the acts choir all the success in the world. i love you all fiercely and when i watch the home concert i expect to see those altos kicking some major ass!