wednesday's joy moment...

there are some days when i am overwhelmed by the belssings God has given me. there is so much i have to be grateful for. and i am realizing that i don't talk often enough of the great things in my life. so... today i am going to spend this blog just writing about one blessing. my prayer is that as you read this it will remind you of the joy in your own life.


so today i want to reflect on the blessing it is to work with my kiddos. i am often surprised by how much joy my job brings me. my students are thoughtful, caring, compassionate, hilarious, and have such strength. they work hard. the believe they can change the world. they love God. they love each other. they laugh and scream and shout and sing.

some of my favorite moments with them have been watching them worship. they worship God like He's standing right in front of them. that's amazing. i know adults who don't worship that way. it took me years to feel comfortable enough to worship like that. but that's who they are. they throw their hands in the air, they clap- even if it's off beat and no one else is clapping. they smile up at the sky and whisper their love to our GOD. it is sacred to watch them worship.

i also can't get enough of their stories. they can talk for days about an adventure they had or something funny that happened at school. i love it that they pour into the youth room on thursday night bursting to tell me about their day. i love that for them, i am a safe place. i love that they want to talk and share.

these students are my everything. they are the best part of my week. they challenge me and push me and drive me up a wall. but i am so, so, so, incredibly blessed to know them.

i love all of you so much! that never changes! no matter where you go or what you do, i want you to know that my love follows you.

the impact...

today is world AIDS day. today is the day when the world steps back and thinks about this disease that is wiping out a generation. this illness that has ravished a country that i love so much. it's the day when we think about the children that are without homes and parents, the sisters without brothers, the fathers without sons, the mothers without daughters. well at least it's supposed to be. i'm not sure that many people know about today. so i thought i would share a personal experience that i have and my hope is that as you read it you will see that you can make a difference. my hope is that you will be inspired towards change and that you will use your talents and your strengths to help.

i was fifteen the first time i really heard about AIDS. i had learned about the disease clinically in school before then. but it wasn't until the summer before my sophomore year of high school that i really saw what AIDS was- how it destroyed. i was on a mission trip in mexico. i was working with ywam and one night they showed us a video promoting their mercy ship program. during the presentation they told a story of this young girl. when they mercy ship arrived to her village they found that this five year old had never been held, she was ostracized from her community, she didn't know how to speak. she was totally and utterly alone because her mother had died of AIDS. i remember sitting on my fold-out chair with tears streaming down my face. i watched her little face and wanted to pack my bags and head to africa right then and there.

i think in some circles working in africa is considered to be fashionable. i think there are people who think about africa as a place they can go save or somewhere exotic where they can do some "good". it didn't feel that way for me. at fifteen years old, sitting in mexico, i wanted to go to africa- not because i thought i could help or because i thought it would be cool. watching that little girl, a world away, i realized that africa was where the missing piece of my heart was. the funny thing was i didn't even know the piece was missing till i saw that movie. but there it was: one five minute missions video and my whole life was changed.

it would be three years till my passport would have that very special stamp in it. and in those three years of waiting i remember that i gobbled up every piece of information i could get on AIDS. i cried through documentaries and wanted to throw up when i read about the stigma and assumptions made about those suffering. once i was in south africa i couldn't wait to do something. i remember wishing i had the gifts to find a cure. but when i walked into my first AIDS hospital and saw the beds shoved together and the patients- alone, hurting, a whisper of who they once were, i knew that there was nothing i could do.

so i just settled into the skin that God gave me and i sat down next to the first cot. i reached my hand out and held onto a stranger. i asked for his name and his story. i held a straw while he tried to drink. i cried as i watched him sleep. i just spent the day there.

i want to make something really clear: i didn't do anything. i am sure that man died. i am sure it was painful and scary and horrible. i'm positive he was alone. when i sat with him for that afternoon it didn't change that. and for a long time that day was counted among my most painful. for years after i would think of that day and just burst into utterly helpless tears. but as i have thought about it, i realized something important: i was making that day about me. i was thinking about how his death affected me, how watching his suffering made me feel. but that day wasn't about me.

AIDS is a big, scary disease. there is no cure. when you see it up close you see how it robs people of their life. even in a country where medicine is affordable and in supply AIDS sets your schedule and it dictates your freedom. there is nothing we can do until a cure is found. and even when that day comes it won't erase all the pain and devastation that came before it. but that doesn't mean you can't help. instead of making it about you- what you can give or how big the problem seems to you- just breathe. spend some time in prayer. come to our Father and ask Him what your role should and can be. love someone. love someone who has lost a family member or a friend. love someone who is currently dealing with AIDS. just be who God made you to be, that is more than enough.