Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Apocalypse- pt. Graue

No you didn't read the title wrong. It is indeed Chris Graue's turn to weigh in! Thanks be to God! Now I have to say that as per Chris, he colored outside the lines. Chris didn't exactly "follow the rules". But my love for him and his hilarious list knows no bounds. So without further ado, I give you Chris Graue's Apocalypse List!!
Love,
Chelsea
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I have included links to images next to the names:

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Zombie Dream Team

I think you've all picked awful dream teams. Mine will finish you all.

The Guys

Donatello (http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/p/LRG/41/4182/5CYUF00Z/posters/teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-donatello.jpg)

He's a ninja turtle, but the most reliable one. He's smart, he builds crazy machines out of mostly things he finds in the sewer, and let's face it, in post apocalyptic times, these MacGuyver like skills will be handy. While I'd probably prefer to hang out with Michaelangelo, Donatello is by far the handiest turtle to have around.

T-800 (http://www.dreadcentral.com/img/news/dec09/t800a.jpg)

We'll need protection from zombies, wild animals, and, let's face it, other bands of humans including dream teams like yours, so I elect to be protected by the nearly indestructible T-800. Yes, I suppose he could be pushed into lava, but come on, I'm not going to Hawaii after the apocalypse.

Falkor (http://www.alicia-logic.com/capsimages01/tns_044Falkor.jpg)

Wise, loyal, and he can effing fly. Though he's not particularly strong or magical, luckdragons have particular luck in all the do. If what he's trying to do is help me and my dream team survive, that'll be super helpful. If things ever get to sketchy, we can all climb aboard and fly to our next destination.

Kermit the Frog (http://gal.darkervision.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/kermit.jpg)

Most of your lists are full of the wrong kinds of leader types. You talk about how these people would be able to assert their will and get things done, but with tensions running high, the person I'd most like to see as leader is the one most reluctant to take the power. For this reason, I hand that role to Kermit T. Frog. He'd never get too full of himself or put himself ahead of the group, but always be able to convince us of what is right to do through his incredible ability to articulate his morality in a humble way.

Aslan (http://dingo.care2.com/pictures/c2c/share/79/799/923/799231_370.jpg)

He's God in lion form. What more do you want?

The Girls

Arwen (http://images.fanpop.com/images/image_uploads/Arwen-lord-of-the-rings-113081_1280_1024.jpg)

Elves have magic powers and can cast some pretty awesome spells. She's a strong woman in her own right and can handle being out in rough terrain for long periods of time. Plus, she can fight with a sword, useful for chopping zombie heads off.

Athena (http://206.47.170.43/channels/images/ParkasValeriiMAIN456_.jpg)

A military background would be a huge asset. Athena could coordinate our maneuvers. Despite being a Cylon, she has incredible loyalty and the ability to defy her programming. As seen in early episodes, even skin jobs do not tire easily under times of great stress, so she'd not drag our group down.

Kira (https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh0V_FjU2Yr2ocY2geJPomRs0kTmMhiowppGT8GTzSu3xmO-2mrbTIuxWk_ugxvx5jctgIABF8TcWmhijqAefwgZdhid18JhbiW2vCDRPXMSbp7sRgrW9igTaL09LZqYkhppLpILK_XqU/s400/dark_crystal.jpg)

One of the last remaining Gelflings, she has a deep bond to the natural world. Considering that much of our time will likely be spent where the least zombies are, places where humans don't congregate, I imagine we'll live in the woods. Her ability to communicate with animals and get them to team up with us will be a huge expansion to our team. A literal bird's eye view on watch patrol? Check. Bears to handle strays before the reach us? Check. The ability to tell raccoons not to steal from us? Checkity check.

Nala (http://www.lionking.org/~affinity/nalawater.jpg)

She's tough, a great hunter, and provides assurance that the lion race will live on in my group (you know, assuming she and Aslan get along and knock boots [tails?]).

Oblina (http://images.wikia.com/rugrats/images/4/44/Oblina.jpg)

I'll admit, this is a strange one, but she lives off trash and it's pretty freaking smart. It's not like she'd consume a lot of resources, is used to filth, and is generally pretty nurturing. I feel like I've got my fundamental needs taken care of with the rest of my group, so I'll go out on a limb with my final pick.

You see, not only are my individual components greater, but I've looked over one glaring error you all suffer from: no one on my team is human. None of them can become zombies.

So your team is surviving well. Great. Middle of the night, Bryan White has a heart attack. You're all dead before you even wake up as he devours your brains. Besides myself, this cannot happen to anyone else on my team (at least according to the rules of the majority of zombie universes).

And I know what you're thinking, but yes, Elves and Cylons can both mate with humans. Giggity.


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