Apocalypse, Pt. LAST...

Well Loyal Blog Followers:

It's been a long and wondrous journey. The Apocalypse Lists were all so creative and hilarious. I loved reading them. I thought we'd end this little experiment with my list. By the by if you are reading this and have no context or understanding of what's going on just scroll down and read like the last 6 entries. So please to enjoy:

The Sydney Bristow Team of the Apocalypse:

Creating this team was more difficult than I thought it would be. There were definitely moments when I struggled with who to take and who to leave behind for the zombies to devour. Ultimately though I had to be ruthless. The following ten people can handle just about anything that the apocalypse will throw at them. Go ahead, pick up that gauntlet I just threw down. I dare you...

THE LADIES:

Patrice aka Patrick:

Patrick was my roommate during college. She was pre-med (she's currently in medical school) and she is probably one of the best science nerds ever anywhere. In addition to being brainy her summer job was to work for Montana's Parks and Rec department. She literally hiked all over Montana tracking Noxious (sp?) weeds. So obviously she's on the team and I'm sure you think I'm going to say it's because she can use her medical and survival skills to carry our team to victory. It's not. We will of course capitalize on Patrick's vast knowledge. But we will rely on her for something far more important: her willingness to perform any dare. My Patrick is insane. Once I got her to run around our house in the middle of winter (in Seattle) in her underwear during the middle of the day. She's got balls and we're going to need them.

Rachel Nazarian aka Dawson:

Rachel is my sister-in-law. She is hard working, has a good attitude, and loves the color pink. All of these are reasons she belongs on this elite team. But Rachel's best asset? She tells it like it is. When zombies are attacking our perimeter and we're down to our last can of baked beans it will be tempting to put a positive spin on things. But Rachel will just give me her best eye roll/sigh combo and say, "Chels I love you, but you know we're in trouble here. Maybe we should stop with the jokes and just feed the zombies Daisy." I know Rachel will survive the Apocalypse- I went on a cruise to Mexico with her.

Amy Cox-Klug aka Mrs. Sheriff Jeff:

Amy was my baby-sitter. She let me jump on my parents' bed and watch Newsies as much as I wanted. She was who I wanted to be when I grew up. Amy and I have some of the best conversations I've ever had. When we get together hours pass before I notice. But what does she bring to an Apocalypse? Well, first of all, she has adopted two beautiful boys from Africa and she's amazing with paper work. This is a skill we will need once we're ready to set up a semi-permanent government. She's brilliant and tenacious and doesn't mind walking on a scabies-filled rug. But mostly Amy is here because she is the strongest woman I know. Life has knocked her down plenty and Amy just keeps getting up. We need her strength- especially when fighting the brain-eating zombies.

Jenna Quan aka Valentine:

It's been said before, Jenna is amazing. I think she's on every person's list- this speaks to her amazing abilities. So I'll just say, I'm not stupid, I want Jenna on my team too. Why on earth would I draft a rookie when Tom Brady is available??

Avalon Ragone aka Lil' Chels:

Avalon is one of my delightful students. She's going into 9th grade in the Fall, she loves TOMS shoes, and she was in a Star Trek movie when she was a baby. Among all of that Avalon will do absolutely ANY task you give her. Seriously the jobs that absolutely no one else will take Avi does with a smile. But the biggest reason she's on this team is that I know nothing will break her. She is one of the famous Ragone Triplets and if she can survive life with Vincent and Dillon, she can survive anything.

THE MEN:
Pierre Bartels aka The Christian Yoda

Seriously guys? Seriously? No one has Pierre on their lists?! Are you all insane? Do you want to watch all your loved ones get their brains eaten by zombies? Pierre needs no explanation, but here is one just in case you don't know who he is. Pierre is South Africa's Godfather. He runs the organization Out Of Africa Missions. He's not scared of hard work or tears. He can sort out absolutely any problem. Once my friend Sam lost his contacts while we were travelling through South Africa. Pierre got him new ones, without his prescription or a visit to an eye-doctor. Oh, and did I mention they were the right PRESCRIPTION??!! How does that happen?! Also Pierre will help us remember that God loves us and is in control. Frankly he'll probably have all the zombies converted and loving Jesus day 2 into the Apocalypse.

Tyler Hellinga aka Buck Wild:

Tyler is my Best Man of Honor (even if he doesn't want to admit it). I trust him with my life, my secrets, and a blow torch. He's been hit by multiple cars, in multiple cities. He climbs mountains, battles raging rivers, and hunts sharks. Let's face it, Tyler is going to be the main muscle on this team. Plus when we were in jr. high he promised me he could build me a castle in Mexico in one week, so setting up our shelter should be no problem.

Aaron Bensoua aka Benzy:

Without Aaron none of these lists would be possible, so he has to be on my team. But it's not like he'll be dead weight. The man will be a major asset. First of all Aaron has a focus I've never seen before. I have seen him at the gym and it's like the whole world disappears. Seriously, you can yell his name as loud as you want, he won't hear you until he's done all his reps. This focus will be imperative to our survival. The other reason Aaron's on this team is he does everything 100%. If Bensoua tells you he'll be in your Fantasy League, Book Club, Fruit-of-the-Week mailing list, Fraternity, or Secret Cult he does it completely. The man commits. So congratulations Aaron's currently non-existent wife, you got a keeper.

Tucker Bissaillon aka Papa Tuck:

Tucker helps out with my youth group. He is quiet, well-mannered, easy going, and a joy to be around. But here's why he's on this list: Tucker is one of the funniest people I know. It takes awhile to be admitted into his circle of trust, but once you are, you will not be able to stop laughing. In addition to all of this Tucker has survived multiple camps with our Jr. High boys, he can do anything. I love me some Papa Tuck!

Alexander Bertucci aka Xander or "Not the Clone"

I'm not going to lie, I was pretty torn between taking Xander and Baby Leoh Severios. I'm still not sure I made the right call. But this I know to be true: Xander is funny, has great style, and can survive two weeks in South Africa no problem. He also has a very secret, very real plan to rebuild our government in case of Apocalypse. I'm not allowed to divulge the details, but suffice to say, he's prepared for every possible scenario.

So there it is... my team. If the Apocalypse happens we'll all meet at my house for the inevitable "get ready" montage that comes in any Apocalypse movie.

Good luck and God bless to all the Apocalypse teams out there. May the best survive!