The Apocalypse- pt. 5

Dear Loyal Blog Readers:

Have you given up on my blog forever because it's been overrun by Apocalypse Lists? I hope not. I promise by Monday I will have returned to regular scheduled programming. For that slim group that is loving these lists here's another one. Now this author holds a special place in my heart because he is Armo, loves God, has the musical talents of an angel, and just became the proud father of the world's cutest half armo-half Russian baby.

Enjoy this hairy edition!

Love,

Chels

p.s. side note. Alex did send me some wonderful photos to go along with this post. However apparently computers hate me. I crashed my computer 3x trying to upload them- then I crashed my computer at work when I tried again. So... I reccomend checking out his facebook to see what these people look like.

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The Apocalypse Dream Team

Written By: Alex Enfiedjian

The end of the world has come and only one team is going to survive. I propose that my team will whoop all the other teams' butts! So who makes the cut?

TYLER HELLINGA: Tyler is a madman. This man is the most athletic man I know. He is good at anything that involves physical activity (way to go Amy!). Give him a skateboard, he'll ollie over your head! Oh, did I mention he's the most extreme person I know? "Yes please, I'd like to sign my life away to jump out of airplanes behind enemy lines, find a captured solider, and then drag the wounded fool through the woods, or desert, or snowy tundra, as I shoot lots of nameless bad guys with my one free hand, leaving a wake of bloody bodies behind as I bring the lost solider to safety." That's Tyler Hellinga. Hardcore.

RYAN CHAMBERS: Ryan is the world's best wanderer. The guy has been wandering for the last eight years. Just yesterday he crashed on my couch on his way down from Portland Oregon, riding his bike with 100 pounds of survival gear all the way down to Los Angeles... by himself. And that was one of his short bike trips. He's traveled Europe for 4 months, by himself, without a map or a translator... he's been to Central America and Illinois (I know, right?!). He doesn't mind sleeping in his car, and in fact, he prefers it to an apartment. Ryan is a deep thinker and will balance out my impulsiveness. Plus we outran a train on a narrow bridge together... so I'm pretty sure we can survive anything.

NIKOS ENFIEDJIAN: Nikos just don't take no crap from nobody. I need his ornery little self on my team!

SCOTT BREITHAUPT: Scott grew up in Forks, Washington (Yes, where Twilight is based. No, he's not a vampire.). I know you guys don't know Scott, but he's a woodsman to the core. No joke, for fun, he hikes 10 miles out into the middle of the woods with nothing but water, a backpack, and a rifle. He sleeps out there in the pitch black without a tent or a sleeping bag. Then early in the morning, he hikes out further, kills the biggest deer he can find, and cuts it up into small pieces, packs the meat into his backpack, and then lugs the 100lbs of meat back the 10 or 20 miles to his car. The best part is, he knows how to make amazing deer jerky.

ME: I mean... its my team, so I gotta be on it, right?

LILIYA ENFIEDJIAN: She's a super sexy Russian spy and she can grab things with her toes. Need I say more? Oh ya... and she's my super sexy Russian wife as well. Triple win! No, but seriously, besides being incredibly beautiful, Lilya is just the most amazing, supportive, self-sacrificial person I know. I need her on my team and in my life... even if there isn't much life left.

CHELSEA NAZARIAN: Chelsea is pretty boss. She's really smart, kind, and compassionate. She will be there for us when we have mental breakdowns and will let us cry in her arms as she comforts us and creepily strokes out hair.

HEATHER BREITHAUPT: Scott's wife. She's pretty kick butt too. She can hike a million miles while carrying her 40 pound toddler on her back. I tried to do it for like 5 minutes and my weak Armenian thighs were jiggling like jello. Plus Heather has 3 kids so, she knows how to multitask... and she makes some bomb food.

CAROL WILLIAMS: This lady is just the sweetest most wonderful lady you'll ever meet. She dances with flags during worship... come on now! Plus she's full of wise, spirit-filled counsel (her white hair proves it). We need people like hat when we're all fighting and wanting to kill each other because we can't agree on which person of the team to kill and eat first. Carol would step in and point out the weakest member and make the decision clear! Just kidding... she'd calm us down and make sure we didn't harm each other. It's always a good thing to have Carol Williams around.

MADISON KALAMA: I couldn't fit Justin into my guy's group... so I gotta squeeze a Kalama in here somewhere. Madison is pretty awesome. She works in an old-people's hospice, so she's used to gross and gnarly things. She wipes poop off grown people's bodies everyday... and she prays for them while she does it! Pretty amazing! I know that Maddy would be able to take really good care of us if one of us were to get injured by a zombie or radioactive dog or something like that.

So that's it. That's my list. I know I've used all my 10, and I know that a post-apocalyptic world isn't exactly the safest place for babies... but look at this uber-cuteness alright?? I'm sneaking in Sophia Enfiedjian for slot 11.