The Apocalypse- pt. 6

Ok, ok, ok... we almost done with Apocalypse lists on Chelsea's blog! Hang in there! Here's a submission from Jenny Nazarian!! Enjoy it people! This is the last one (I'll post mine in a day or two and then we'll be done).
Love,
Chelsea
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I was going to stay out of it... but I just can't do it! Your apocalypse lists are interesting but very short sighted. It's great to have a whole bunch of muscle and machine guns on your side, but you are all lacking a very important component: OLD PEOPLE!!! They have wisdom. They have experience. AND they don't care anymore how they look, thus giving you youngsters more mirror time during the disaster. Many wear diapers so you won't have to always be on the lookout for a port-a-potty during scouting trips. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY... they lived through the Reagan administration so they can help you set up your new government. LOOK AHEAD PEOPLE, it's not all guts and glory... we need a PLAN for the future!

Personally, I hope I perish in the first wave, but in case I don't... I humbly offer my suggestions for the "Apocalypse Team":


Noreen Nazarian:

Yes, it's true she's a little slow physically and she often leaves her hearing aids at home, but she more than makes up for it in spiritual muscle. We can leave her behind in the camp knowing that she will be on her knees praying for us as we are out there fighting or gathering food. During campfires at night she will tell us bible stories or read us articles from Reader's Digest and remind us to seek God first. She lived through the Great Depression so she knows how to make do with less. She doesn't eat much and with a little help from Apple tech support she can set up her own computer system.

Tom Cox


This man knows how to balance a budget people! You won't find yourselves dealing with debt ceiling issues with Tom on your team. Politically savvy, smart, trustworthy, and able to walk for miles as long as he's hydrated, Tom is a win-win team member.

Heather White:


Heather works long and hard and isn't a whiner. She can cook and isn't squeamish. She has a science background and home schooled two ruffians for years so we can trust her to educate the next generation.

Tyler Hellinga:

I'm not an idiot. Someone has to do the fighting! Tyler's my best hope for our survival. He can most anything including arson involving a troll doll (it's a long, entertaining story- ask Chelsea to tell it to you sometime). He's also respectful to old people and has good manners, thanks to Denise Hellinga, so there's some hope for decency in the next generation.

Amy Hellinga:

Medical professional and all around nice person. She will set up the new health care system with intelligence and compassion. Also there's no hope of keeping Tyler Hellinga happy and focused on fighting without her... plus I'm counting on her to help with the repopulation process since most of us are past our prime in that particular area.

Bryan White:

It's all been said, but we need this guy to survive. No one else is going to have the innovation and talent to put up new satellites and restore communication. He's not a picky eater and will go out of his way to make peace with the enemy. Sometimes DIPLOMACY works better than starting a war, Tyler Nazarian!

Cheryl Thom:

If you've ever been on a mission trip with Cheryl, you know that she is gifted at finding water. We'll need this skill. She is also perky and fun and knows how to plan a wedding on a budget. I figure we are going to have to find Bryan a mate at some point in the future, even if we have to steal one from an enemy camp... repopulation is important to our goals here! Cheryl is in!

Mark Nazarian:

We need a qualified Armenian to bargain for supplies and Bryan's future wife. In addition, Mark can preside over the wedding and the inevitable funerals. In his youth, Mark insisted that the president of the United States requested that he not get a vasectomy just in case they wanted to build a super race. I never believed this story, but it was President Ford so anything is possible. That being said, I think we better just count on Mark for his abilities as a counselor, spiritual advisor and trade advocate.

Katie Timmerman:

Katie is tough as nails and good at spying. She can take any junior higher (and Kevin Cox) with one hand tied behind her back and isn't given to drama or hysterical fits so common to girls her age. I think she has potential to be one of the next world leaders. In the meantime, Tyler Hellinga will find her skills as recon specialist invaluable.

Chris Graue:

Chris will be on hand to record and interpret history as it happens (i.e. History Project Theatre). He will be our scribe, our storyteller, and shaman. His outlook on life is refreshing and unique and he doesn't mind going without a shower. Plus, he isn't afraid to challenge the status quo so he will keep Tom from getting uppity about the budget. Chris, we need you!