it has been much too long since i posted something. i'm not sure why i let so much time pass between blogs... i have had many thoughts since early november. i sat down at the computer so many times to write, but for whatever reason no words came. i have found some things are hard to articulate. even though i don't have an exactly coherent thought to hand you i've decided to blog anyway. so here's a teensy tiny update on what i've been thinking the last couple of months:
work:
i don't think it's possible to express in a sentence the emotions that my job brings me. in a single day i can feel rage, joy, sorrow, frustration, and hope. after the new year we started a jr. high and high school small group and i've been shocked by how amazing it has been. i've been going through an andy stanley book with them and i am so proud by how they've recieved it. we sit on tuesday nights and talk about the state of our hearts. is there anything better than that? i have to say for every aspect of my job that makes me want to rip my hair out, there is a greater ammount of love. the love i have for the students makes my heart feel like it's going to beat out of my chest. i love them, even when they're loud, emotional, annoying and rude. i love them when they're curious, kind, and graceful. mostly i love that they are going to grow into men and women who we write history books about.
bingley:
mr. bingley is the fuzziest little miracle ever to waltz into my life. caring for his little life has injected a freshness into mine. i will never again doubt the power a pet can have. he's still just a pup, which is what i remind myself when he eats one of my shoes, pees in petsmart, or nibbles my finger. best bingley story of the moment: he has a toy giraffe that i put in his crate when i first got him. he now can't sleep without it. i watch as he drags it all over the house. he lays his little head on it when he naps and if it isn't in his crate when he goes to sleep at night he will bark till i toss it in there. so cute.
me:
i've been going through a lot since thanksgiving. i've made some pretty giant decisions (decisions i'm not quite ready to share on the interwebs) and i've made some significant changes. i'm working hard on myself. over the holidays i realized that i have a tendancy to put my needs at the very bottom of the heap. i don't voice my thoughts or feelings for fear of offending someone. even simple things like caring for my body i let slip through my fingers. so i'm working at it. i'm trying to find balance. mostly i'm trying to live my life like Jesus led his. i fail regularly, but i'm feeling stronger because of the effort.
well that's it. like i promised, it's just a teeny tiny update. more to come, of course.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
my year in review...
well kitty-cats:
it's that time once again; for some reason i just feel that my first blog of a new year, must include some sort of unpacking of the year before it. so please to enjoy, my year in review
the 3 best student moments of 2011:
- when ricky told me he was going to quit soccer because it was getting in the way of church
- when avalon said she wanted to live the life God had for her, not the life she has for her
- when vince, waffs, and ricky helped strangers unload their luggage at camp, wearing superhero costumes.
the 3 best family moments of 2011:
- when i got a sister-in-law
- when emery was born
- moving back in with my momma and dad
the 3 best friend moments of 2011:
- going on the cruise to mexico with rachel and the ladies
- patrick's wedding
- valentines dates with jenna
the 3 best God moments of 2011:
- summer camp with the kiddos
- catalyst
- preschool chapel
the 3 best chelsea moments of 2011:
- finally coming to grips with everything dr. palameno has been telling me for years and accepting the PCOS
- getting Bingley
- trusting myself
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
what would you do...
i am about to admit something majorly embarrassing...
i am addicted to oprah's lifeclass. i watched all the episodes. i loved them. i cried every. single. time. yes it is ridiculous. yes i am ashamed. but i learned something and because i promise to always share the wealth, i've decided to take to my blog and share the info with ya'll.
when i came home from south africa the whole world felt upside down. i'd left home for a year and while i was gone i changed and grew. but when i came home everything seemed as if it had stood still. this was a really unnerving feeling. i wish i could crack open my brain and let you take a peek at the havoc i was in the middle of. i went about my daily life as normally as i could, but inside the teeniest chores seemed like mountains. it was often that i'd get in my car and start driving to the grocery store or church and i'd just weep. i'd have to pull over to the side of the road so i wouldn't crash.
my first christmas home marked a really important anniversary for me. the previous year i was breathing sweet, sweet south african air and staring at a completely different set of stars. so, that first christmas back in the land of southern california was hard. about a week before christmas i asked God for a very special miracle. i asked him to bring me back to africa, even if only for an hour. i knew it was crazy, but that's all i wanted. i just wanted one moment back where my heart first learned to beat.
a couple days after i prayed that prayer i happened to be flipping through channels and i landed on an episode of oprah. i never watched oprah (i was young and hadn't yet realized the awesome power of the o) but for some reason i decided to just watch for a few minutes. that was the beginning of my miracle. when i had been in africa we kept hearing that oprah was there too. we'd visit an orphanage and the workers would tell us stories of how they had met oprah. i hadn't really thought much of it. but a year later i was watching an episode where oprah showed the footage of her time in south africa. for an hour, i got to see the places i had walked and she even interviewed people i had met. she held babies i had held. God gave me my hour and oh how precious that hour was.
ok you're probably wondering what all that has to do with the amazing lesson i learned. a couple days ago oprah re aired some of the footage from that episode. she was talking about how she learned to take chances and see the joy in life. then she posed this question: "what would you do if you weren't afraid?"
i started thinking about the chelsea that went to africa. the girl who got on a plane with 12 people she had only known for three months. the girl who spoke in prisons, hammered nails, sat by bedsides, and believed there was nothing too big for her Jesus. it's been almost 10 years since that trip. in those 10 years i have let fear creep back into my life. i have forgotten that i am a daughter of the most high God. i have let my God get small, but "small" isn't a word you can use to describe Yahweh.
oprah's question is a good one. but if i was posing it, i would word it a little bit differently. WHAT WOULD YOU LET GOD DO IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID? let Him work through you. let Him give you miracles. trust Him with the most tender parts of your heart. if you do you just might see mountains move and what a sight that would be.
i am addicted to oprah's lifeclass. i watched all the episodes. i loved them. i cried every. single. time. yes it is ridiculous. yes i am ashamed. but i learned something and because i promise to always share the wealth, i've decided to take to my blog and share the info with ya'll.
when i came home from south africa the whole world felt upside down. i'd left home for a year and while i was gone i changed and grew. but when i came home everything seemed as if it had stood still. this was a really unnerving feeling. i wish i could crack open my brain and let you take a peek at the havoc i was in the middle of. i went about my daily life as normally as i could, but inside the teeniest chores seemed like mountains. it was often that i'd get in my car and start driving to the grocery store or church and i'd just weep. i'd have to pull over to the side of the road so i wouldn't crash.
my first christmas home marked a really important anniversary for me. the previous year i was breathing sweet, sweet south african air and staring at a completely different set of stars. so, that first christmas back in the land of southern california was hard. about a week before christmas i asked God for a very special miracle. i asked him to bring me back to africa, even if only for an hour. i knew it was crazy, but that's all i wanted. i just wanted one moment back where my heart first learned to beat.
a couple days after i prayed that prayer i happened to be flipping through channels and i landed on an episode of oprah. i never watched oprah (i was young and hadn't yet realized the awesome power of the o) but for some reason i decided to just watch for a few minutes. that was the beginning of my miracle. when i had been in africa we kept hearing that oprah was there too. we'd visit an orphanage and the workers would tell us stories of how they had met oprah. i hadn't really thought much of it. but a year later i was watching an episode where oprah showed the footage of her time in south africa. for an hour, i got to see the places i had walked and she even interviewed people i had met. she held babies i had held. God gave me my hour and oh how precious that hour was.
ok you're probably wondering what all that has to do with the amazing lesson i learned. a couple days ago oprah re aired some of the footage from that episode. she was talking about how she learned to take chances and see the joy in life. then she posed this question: "what would you do if you weren't afraid?"
i started thinking about the chelsea that went to africa. the girl who got on a plane with 12 people she had only known for three months. the girl who spoke in prisons, hammered nails, sat by bedsides, and believed there was nothing too big for her Jesus. it's been almost 10 years since that trip. in those 10 years i have let fear creep back into my life. i have forgotten that i am a daughter of the most high God. i have let my God get small, but "small" isn't a word you can use to describe Yahweh.
oprah's question is a good one. but if i was posing it, i would word it a little bit differently. WHAT WOULD YOU LET GOD DO IF YOU WEREN'T AFRAID? let Him work through you. let Him give you miracles. trust Him with the most tender parts of your heart. if you do you just might see mountains move and what a sight that would be.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
things i'm thinking about when i should be planning next week's lesson plan...
1. i don't know why i keep a bowl of candy on my desk, it just makes it even more difficult to ignore it.
2. fall is the time of year i miss seattle the most. i can't stand it that i'm missing the crisp, cool air and beautiful leaves.
3. i'm almost done with my book on africa, but i've decided i'm too chicken to let anyone read it. i guess i'll have to see if i can find my courage once i'm officially finished.
4. i'm so sleepy.
5. we had earthquake drills all day today and i have to say, i doubt that in a real emergency things would go as smoothly.
6. i have the best music playlists ever! every time i think the next song can't beat the last one, something awesome comes on. some days shuffle really is my friend.
7. i have the best friends ever. some days i am just astounded by the love, humor, graciousness, and selflessness they have. a special "i love you" goes to: PATRICK, CARLEE, TIMBERLY, MATTY (both the california version and the seattle version), LALA, AMY, MISS JACKSON, TYLER, and the amazing, fantastic SIGNE!
8. i have no idea what game to play at youth group tonight.
9. i'm mad at maryann because she doesn't post blog updates nearly enough.
10. every time sugarland comes on it reminds me of high school, which is weird because they definitely didn't have a CD out when i was in high school.
2. fall is the time of year i miss seattle the most. i can't stand it that i'm missing the crisp, cool air and beautiful leaves.
3. i'm almost done with my book on africa, but i've decided i'm too chicken to let anyone read it. i guess i'll have to see if i can find my courage once i'm officially finished.
4. i'm so sleepy.
5. we had earthquake drills all day today and i have to say, i doubt that in a real emergency things would go as smoothly.
6. i have the best music playlists ever! every time i think the next song can't beat the last one, something awesome comes on. some days shuffle really is my friend.
7. i have the best friends ever. some days i am just astounded by the love, humor, graciousness, and selflessness they have. a special "i love you" goes to: PATRICK, CARLEE, TIMBERLY, MATTY (both the california version and the seattle version), LALA, AMY, MISS JACKSON, TYLER, and the amazing, fantastic SIGNE!
8. i have no idea what game to play at youth group tonight.
9. i'm mad at maryann because she doesn't post blog updates nearly enough.
10. every time sugarland comes on it reminds me of high school, which is weird because they definitely didn't have a CD out when i was in high school.
Monday, October 10, 2011
questions...
i get a lot of questions throughout my day...
some of the business ones sound like this:
"have you turned in your budget proposal?"
"are there still spots for winter camp?"
"what time should i drop my kid off for the event on saturday?"
some of the personal ones sound like this:
"do you want to grab coffee and catch up this week?"
"are you done using the washing machine?"
"what should we make for dinner?"
but the most important questions are the ones that sound like this:
"do you think God is listening to my prayers?"
"do my parents love me?"
"will it ever get better?"
now i think what i find the most frustrating is that the most important questions are the ones that i just don't have concrete answers for. the most horrible aspect of my job is that i don't have an answer that washes away the pain and uncertainty of life. these students i work with are wonderful and smart. they're compassionate and so hilarious. so when they look at me and ask me the BIG, SCARY questions i just want to be able to give them an answer. but i don't have one.
so here's what the questions i ask sound like:
"God, am i doing a good job?"
"God, how do i love people the way you would?"
"God, will you help me?"
some of the business ones sound like this:
"have you turned in your budget proposal?"
"are there still spots for winter camp?"
"what time should i drop my kid off for the event on saturday?"
some of the personal ones sound like this:
"do you want to grab coffee and catch up this week?"
"are you done using the washing machine?"
"what should we make for dinner?"
but the most important questions are the ones that sound like this:
"do you think God is listening to my prayers?"
"do my parents love me?"
"will it ever get better?"
now i think what i find the most frustrating is that the most important questions are the ones that i just don't have concrete answers for. the most horrible aspect of my job is that i don't have an answer that washes away the pain and uncertainty of life. these students i work with are wonderful and smart. they're compassionate and so hilarious. so when they look at me and ask me the BIG, SCARY questions i just want to be able to give them an answer. but i don't have one.
so here's what the questions i ask sound like:
"God, am i doing a good job?"
"God, how do i love people the way you would?"
"God, will you help me?"
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
copy-cat
as per usual, i'm copying my best blog ideas. anyway, i was trying to come up with a good and concise way to give ya'll an update on the life and times of chelsea lee... so i stumbled upon this. By the by, if you aren't reading my friend maryann's blog you are missing some amaze-balls stuff. here's my version:
currents, 9/27/2011...
1. current music: geez, the only way i could figure this out was to look at my most recently played list on my ipod, here's what came up: gungor, james taylor, glee, and mumford and sons.
2. current wishlist: to have my very last student loan all paid off. too bad i'm still a year away from that gem.
3. current tv show: the new girl- i am shocked by how much i love this show.
4. current location: i think that would be the front steps in the sanctuary of RLC during preschool chapel. i love watching those teeny-tiny little people sing songs to God and i adore that i get to help them figure out who they are going to be.
5. current book: the help. i don't care if it's a bandwagon, i loved reading this book.
6. current indulgence: spending all saturday catching up on what's recorded on my DVR. this is not only a waste of a DVR, but it's making me a couch potato.
7. current worry: that i'm not good enough. that i'm only giving my job, my family, my friends, and my life a percentage of me. that i'll never be able to be "all the way in".
8. current project: i'm building these drawers for under my bed. and yes, i'm just as impressed with that sentence as you are. let's all take a minute to ask God to make sure that they turn out awesome and not ugly.
9. current movie: i can't get enough of crazy, stupid love. i saw it like 4 times in theatres and i never do that. it was amazing. i feel like it speaks to me in some way that i can't quite get a hold of.
currents, 9/27/2011...
1. current music: geez, the only way i could figure this out was to look at my most recently played list on my ipod, here's what came up: gungor, james taylor, glee, and mumford and sons.
2. current wishlist: to have my very last student loan all paid off. too bad i'm still a year away from that gem.
3. current tv show: the new girl- i am shocked by how much i love this show.
4. current location: i think that would be the front steps in the sanctuary of RLC during preschool chapel. i love watching those teeny-tiny little people sing songs to God and i adore that i get to help them figure out who they are going to be.
5. current book: the help. i don't care if it's a bandwagon, i loved reading this book.
6. current indulgence: spending all saturday catching up on what's recorded on my DVR. this is not only a waste of a DVR, but it's making me a couch potato.
7. current worry: that i'm not good enough. that i'm only giving my job, my family, my friends, and my life a percentage of me. that i'll never be able to be "all the way in".
8. current project: i'm building these drawers for under my bed. and yes, i'm just as impressed with that sentence as you are. let's all take a minute to ask God to make sure that they turn out awesome and not ugly.
9. current movie: i can't get enough of crazy, stupid love. i saw it like 4 times in theatres and i never do that. it was amazing. i feel like it speaks to me in some way that i can't quite get a hold of.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
it's a puplife...
About a month ago I adopted the little face above. I had been thinking about getting a puppy for awhile, but it was one of those things that I think about and talk about and then decide it's too much work and move on to something else. But when some friends of mine adpoted a puppy (who was just the cutest thing ever) and told me that there was a little boy available in the litter I just did something totally spontaneous and snatched him up before someone else could.
The afternoon I brought him home I remember carrying this little fluff ball to my car and thinking, "UH-OH! Now you've done it... Now you've got this little creature to take care of." Puppies, in case you didn't know, are a lot like furry babies. Especially in the beginning. You wake up with them every 45 minutes because they ahve to use the bathroom, they're teething so they chew everything, they get into everything so you have to watch them, they cost a bunch of money as they need "stuff", they need love and discipline and mostly time. Time to train them to be good dogs and time to care for them.
Mr. Bingley is a lot of work. But here's why he's worth it: he's got the whole "unconditional love/adoration" thang down to a science. I mean, I'm this little guy's whole world. I know that sounds insane, to love being loved by a dog... and I'm not sure how exactly to explain it... but let's just say that Mr. Bingley came to me at just the right moment. He drives me crazy but he's also the best company after a long day.
So, dear blog, get aquainted with Mr. Bingley. I promise this isn't going to turn into a blog full of posts about my pet, but I can't promise I won't be posting cute pictures and stories now and then.
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