pebbles...

you wanna hear something funny? well not "haha" funny- more "hmmmm, ok" funny. there have been three major moments in my life. three times where i faced a fairly big decision. each time (i'm saying, each and EVERY time) i have found myself facing that decision on a mountaintop in South Africa. i'm not sure what to make of this. but this summer was no different. i'm completely changing careers, changing almost everything in my life and i'm not exactly sure what's next. so i found myself: freezing cold and staring at a pile of rocks on top of a beautiful mountain.

i was staring at this makeshift alter and i was wondering if i have what it takes to completely offer myself up to God. it's certainly one thing to say we want our life to be what God wants it to be. but what are willing to give up for that? what if God never wants to see me married? what if he never sees me with children? what if God's best puts me in a faraway land rarely visiting my family? see it's one thing for us to claim that we want God making our big decisions, it's another to actually LET him.

i came to a realization on that mountain. it has never been "my" life. i've always belonged to God. i will always be his girl and i am willing to lay down every one of my heart's desires to live a life he can be proud of. i am willing to give him my everything.

Abba, I belong to you!

more pictures...

home from africa...

thoughts to follow...

did i forget to sign-up?

ok, this post is for for all single friends. although i'm not completely sure i have any left. did i miss the sign-up day for engagements? i must have. within the last month 3 of my friends have gotten engaged. in addition to that 4 of my friends have been married, and finally a whopping 2 of my friends have recently moved in with their significant others (this is not an encouragement to do that, it's just a statement of fact). that's a total of 9 of my friends (18 if we count their significant others) that are moving into this new "blissful" time of coupledom. i have to admit as happy as i am for them, as content as i am in my present stage of life i'm feeling a bit pissy. is there like a deadline: make sure you snag up a fiance/spouse/lover by may 1st or there are no promises you'll ever get one.

in addition the absolute twilight zone quaility of this month i have been thinking that statistically speaking 4.5 of those 9 couples won't make it. divorce is such a huge aspect of our society. it makes me pray harder for my friends. i hope it doesn't affect them. but there's no guarentee.

so let's recap: i'm the last single lady left. i'm going to go broke buying engagement/wedding/housewarming gifts and half of my friends are getting divorced. wow! this has been a pretty depressing post. sorry.

wanting doesn't make it so...

i spend every tuesday morning deep in thought for about 45 minutes. i get up and get ready for school and then i get in my car and make the drive to Long Beach. between the drive, finding parking, and walking to the library it all works out to about 45 minutes. during this time i have a wide variety of thoughts running through my mind. some days i think about all the mistakes i made the day before. i spend a lot of time wondering why the world is the way it is. one tuesday i spent the entire 45 minutes composing a really difficult email to a friend who i was fighting with. now don't get me wrong, i don't spend every tuesday wadding through murkiness (spelling?). i have spent many a tuesday laughing to myself about various beautiful and wonderful things.

this time is good for me. it allows me to sort through all the complications that make up who i am. i definately need time for that. but this time to myself also presents a problem. one of my biggest weaknesses is that i live so much of my life up in my head. so i decided today that i would share what i was thinking about. my hope is that by putting thought to type i will be really able to bring shape to this idea.

when i got into my car this morning i plugged in my ipod, just like usual. mostly i listen to worship music on the way to school because i am terrified of the freeway and i believe that God is more likely to keep me safe if i am listening to worship music (i know, i know there are major flaws in that theology). but today i was in the mood for something sappy. so i put on this play-list i have of really cheesy love songs. as i drove down the 405 jammin' to the Beatles and Whitney Houston (you know you wish you had a copy of this playlist) i started dreaming up this perfect love story. girl meets boy, boy turns out to be more wonderful than anyone could have every imagined, boy and girl fall in love and live happily ever after. i started dreaming up my perfect little movie world. in chelsea's love story only one thing matters: chelsea and said boy love each other so completely that their lives are this constant reflection of that love. that's when it hit me.

i spend so much of my time wanting this worldly love. i dream of boy. i wish for a happily ever after. but you know what i realized today? i already have it. God's my perfect love story. His sacrifice reflects more passion, more steadiness, more "forever" than any other love ever can. it was this brillant awakening. and now i share it with you.

continuing the love...

hi blog world,
so i was reading my friend haley's blog today (mostly a daily ritual for me) and she had posted a fun game. she is buying a book for the first three people to comment on her post. it's a way she's showing those she loves that she loves them. but the rule is each of those three people must in turn do something sweet for their loved ones. so... as a result i am going to write a letter (a real, honest to goodness written on paper, in my actual freaking handwriting, , get it in the mail, full of my love and devotion letter) to the first three people who comment on this post. the only thing i ask in return is that you find some way to pass along the game.
love ya and can't wait to see what happens,
chels

carrying the torch

from as early as i can remember one of my absolute favorite parts of summer has been ACTS tour. i remember i used to wait on pins all year for it. when i was really little most of my excitment came from thinking there was no one cooler than amy cox (now klug). she used to baby sit me and i freely admit i wanted to be her. as i sat in the audience and watched her sing with the choir, i would think about the day i would get to sing too. i couldn't wait to throw on an ulgy jean jumpsuit and get to belt out my best steven curtis chapman. another reason i so loved ACTS was because of dave and kathy. they were more than just youth directors. they were more than simple choir directors. dave and kathy were these people who loved me. not because they were family and had to, not because it was their job, but because they genuinely loved me. that is such a gift. i couldn't wait to join the choir and participate fully in ministry with them.

over the years ACTS has passed through many fingers. it has changed directors and directions. in some ways the program that i work with today looks vastly different from the one i first fell in love with. and although with each change ACTS has grown and become newly beautiful it will never be as powerful as it once was. wait, wait, don't freak out. i'm not saying it's not powerful. i'm saying that it's not as powerful for me! when i was little i sat in a pew and watched as people i idolized sang out to God. ACTS was big. in a lot of ways it represented beautiful possibility for me. now that i am grown and singing in the choir, i find the program seems much smaller to me. i no longer look out at the choir and imagine possibility (now i mostly look out on the choir and sigh as i think about my 'to do' list).

this year ACTS once again has two new directors: sarah sisco and... ME. it's insane to think about. in so many ways i can't wait for tour. i have real vision and am excited to execute that. but a little tiny part of me wishes that i could go back in time and watch as kathy directs. i wish i could go back to dreaming about the day when i would be as old as amy. i want to go back to riding roller coasters with dave. because even though my life is full and wonderful, it has seen a lot of pain. and the dreams dreamed by the little girl in the pew were untouched by that pain. maybe i'll never get to go back, but i do hope that by moving forward i will be continuing on a rich and wonderful tradition of hoping, dreaming, and believing.