The Help, Helped...

this last week i read The Help- actually that's a lie. this last week i DEVOURED The Help. I read the whole book in 5 hours. I couldn't put it down. The very next day as soon as I was done with work I marched myself down to Del Amo and caught an early showing of the movie with the entire population of the AARP. the following are my thoughts- jumbled, insane, and probably a bit over reaching- just like you like them.

in both the book and the movie what most caught my attention was the love abilee had for mae mobley. she grabs hold of that little girl, looks her in the eye, and says, "mae mobley is kind, mae mobley is smart, mae mobley is important." i lost each and every time i read that. because that's what this story boils down to. it's the story of looking someone in the eye and respecting them. it's the story of remembering that we're different, but those differences are what make our world special. those differences should be celebrated and shared.

as i think about this country and the places we've travelled i can't help but feel grateful. i'm so grateful that there were men and women who were brave enough to stand up and speak the truth- no matter what the consequences. i can't help but be in awe of the rosa parks', the martin luther king jr's, and all the people who fought for what was right. but this story reminds me of something else... this story reminds me that there are still injustices in this world. there are still battles to fight.

The Help reminded me that there is a fire in my belly. i am a woman with fight in her. i am ready to stand up and shout the truth. i'm not exactly sure the full scope of this. but i do know, it begins with me scooping each one of my students up, looking them in the eyes, and saying, "you are kind. you are smart. you are important."

what if there's more 'worse' than 'better'...

Love is:
being there for someone even when it would be easier to bail, laughing at jokes that aren't really funny, listening, waiting, trusting, hugging, going to see that movie the other person wants to see, having expectations of someone, wanting to see the other person shine as brightly as God created them too- even if that means you're in shadow, moving, staying put, forever, noticing the little things that add up to the big things, believing in someone, so easily lost, facing the hard stuff together, admitting when you're wrong, choosing your battles, speaking up for yourself, speaking up for the other person, a slow dance, a kiss, the sounds of the other person's laughter, a thousand moments that add up to a lifetime, God created, God breathed, God centered, bloody, messy, steady, certain, life-affirming, offered freely

Love isn't:
temporary, a feeling, 'at first sight', convenient, 'all you need', easy, romantic, about being right, going to make you whole, pressure, weak, going to fix anything, a power-play, a Disney movie, easily found, empty, lonely, a flash, in the moonlight or the rain, the last two minutes of a movie, about your body type, something you have to earn, a wish, an unfulfilled hope, going to sweep you away, about losing yourself, small, tasteless, angry, a wedding, a test, sour, about winning, always getting your way, roses, chocolate, candlelit dinners, smooth, vindictive

way beyond singing in the shower...

my parents think i have a problem and that problem has only one name: gLee! this past year it is my biggest obsession. this show speaks to so many parts of me: drama queen chelsea, theatre freak chelsea, lonely chelsea, happy chelsea, rock star chelsea, comedian chelsea. all the parts of me are happy.

and yes, sometimes its cheesy and the plots are often pretty predictable. but i think there's something to be said for a show that just makes you smile. when i watch gLee it's this small space in my life when i get to shut off all the noise in my head. i just enjoy it.

maybe this little bit of information is obvious... but... ever since i was 9 years old and the billon family took me to see beauty and the beast at the pantageous i have wanted to perform on stage. i see myself belting out songs from wicked all covered in green make-up. i can hear the laughter as i take my turn in barefoot in the park. broadway and i were meant to be together. it's just the way it always should have been. i never made it. well, i guess if we're being really honest i never tried to make it and that's it's own post. but for that 45 minutes when i watch gLee i feel like i'm there. i feel like ryan murphy had a secret window into my heart and made a show just for me.

if you don't watch gLee watch this and try not to smile. i dare you.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k40iccZFWfw

The Final Book of THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY

SPOILER ALERT*SPOILER ALERT*SPOILER ALERT

ok i hope you were adequately warned. i'm not exactly sure where to start the process of unraveling my thoughts about this book. and so, i am going to begin with the basics.

Mockingjay was in my opinion the darkest book of the trilogy. it was technically written with the most focus and cohesion. it was amazing. i finished it in four hours. i told myself i wouldn't start it until the weekend when i knew i had time to go to the beach and lay in the sun and soak it in. HA! i couldn't fall asleep the day it came because i knew it was out on my kitchen table. so around 12pm i finally crawled out of bed and just gave into temptation. i'm sooooo glad that katniss didn't end up with stupid gale because i have hated his character from the beginning and he didn't grow on me in this book either. i cried when prim died, but not as hard as i had cried in book 2 when cinna died.

ok let's get into the real meat of this book...

suzanne collins writes of war and desperation and hopeless choices as if she has lived them. she reminds me of tim o'brien who's stories of vietnam always left me feeling enraged and full of sorrow and wanting to do something, anything to change our world. there is a moment on page 369 that i want to write about. the capitol has fallen and the new president has called a meeting with the only remaining hunger games champions to propose an idea...

"... 'What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power.'

All seven of us turn to her. 'What?' says Johanna.

'We hold another Hunger Games using Capitol children,' says Coin...

'I vote no with Peeta,' Annie says. 'So would Finnick if he were here.'

'But he isn't, because Snow's mutts killed him,' Johanna reminds her.

'No,' says Beetee. 'It would set a bad precedent. We have to stop viewing one another as enemies. At this point unity is essential for our survival. No.'

Was it like this then? Seventy-five years or so ago? Did a group of people sit around and cast their votes on initiating the Hunger Games? Was there dissent? Did someone make a case for mercy that was beaten down by the calls for the deaths of the districts' children? The scent of Snow's rose curls up in my nose, down into my throat, squeezing it tight with despair. All those people I loved, dead, and we are discussing the next Hunger Games in an attempt to avoid wasting life. Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now."

Nothing has changed. Nothing will ever change now. those words have been haunting me since i read them. because when i think about the Lord, when i think of my Jesus who changed everything with one act of selflessness i know that every thing's changed. and if we are created in his image than i know that if we all tried to live our lives with grace and compassion and mercy than we could really change things.

we live in a world that teaches us life is complicated. war is about freedom and money and resources and power. and our government is empowering and oppressive and hopeless and exciting. there's so many grey areas. there's so many things to think about. and i know that no matter how badly i want to, there are aspects of our world set in stone. there are things that we can never change. but there's this fire in me to try.

we are searching for something that is right in front of us. LOVE GOD AND LOVE OTHERS. that means forgive even when you are owed righteous anger. it means give when you want to get. it means swallow your pride and your own needs and hold your hand out to someone who needs it. it means letting go of cynicism and embracing naivety.

as i was reading about this world that collins created i realized that this isn't a far off fantasy. this isn't a world we will never see. this is basically the world we live in now. true we're not quite to the point of watching children murder each other for food on national television. but honestly, i don't think we're as far from it as we'd like to believe. we live in a world full of taking and consuming and waste. and i live here too. i buy my toms shoes and feel good that a child somewhere in africa is getting their own pair. but i walk by the homeless man that sits in front of my apartment building who has no shoes. i feel superior because i live in a country that has running water and education available to all. i am prideful. i am weak. i love reality tv. and i think that so often when i feel prompted to do something about this darkness i feel in my life i'm quick to find "balance". i say to myself, "there's nothing wrong with the blessings God has given me. i shouldn't feel bad because i'm warm and well fed."

why shouldn't i? if i've learned anything from Jesus it's that he wasn't about balance. he asked his disciples to leave behind families. he told the rich young man to give up everything. he even took a small boy's loaves and fishes to feed the masses.

i guess at the end of this book i realized a couple things. one, i'm tired of the middle ground. two, i want to be radical and brave and i want to die knowing that i gave every ounce of myself to the Lord. i am one voice. i am one set of hands and one pair of feet. i'm one heart. and i'm ready to go. if you want to join me there's more than enough room.