on days when the world is a little too cold and i just want to pull the covers over my head the following things always make me feel better. consider them the next time you need something comforting…
1. reading harry potter:
books have always been my bright light. sliding into old stories soothes my soul and helps calm me down. harry potter books are particularly good at this.
2. watching the west wing:
nothing is as comfy as listening to aaron sorkin dialogue and watching my favorite characters storm down hallways in the white house.
3. listening to my "moody mcmoodster" playlist:
included in this list is savage garden (no, i'm not ashamed), wakey!wakey!, U2, augustana, and jack savoretti.
4. cooking:
some of my best creations have come out of times when my spirit is all "swooshy." my favorite: parmesan mashed potatoes, you can thank me later.
5. snuggles with my pup:
self-explanatory
Wednesday, March 26, 2014
Monday, February 3, 2014
Long Time, No Write...
Hi Blog,
It's been much too long since I settled myself in your arms. It's not that I haven't had anything to say or that big things haven't been happening. But I guess, I was doing my best to sort through those things without having to do the messy work on the interwebs. But tonight I think I just may have words to splatter upon the soft glow of your screen. I'm not sure that there's any sort of cohesion for this post. So my suggestion is to hold tight and try not to get too dizzy from my transitions.
I'm turning 30 in a month. A MONTH! Geez. I have this very specific memory of dancing around my room at ten singing at the top of my lungs to Tina Turner and thinking about how far away my twenties seemed. And now, here I am about to abandon them. I can't believe it. I find that I'm holding a very mixed bag of emotions, because I like my emotions nice and tidy I've decided to do my best to sort them out. So I'm about to bestow upon you the first of two lists. Tonight I'm going to list our twenty things I learned in my twenties. You're going to have to wait a couple weeks for my list of "30 hopes and wishes my 30's!"
20 in my 20's:
20. My twenties taught me that adventure doesn't look like it does in the movies. I learned that adventure isn't just taking an epic road trip with your friends or flying off to Paris to stop the love of your life before they get married. Adventure can be quiet decisions. Adventure can be sticking it out in a relationship that's headed south. It can be getting lunch with a friend who needs you or even getting a dog. In my twenties, my greatest adventure was enrolling at SPU to finish my undergrad. Getting my Bachelors began the wildest adventure my twenties would ever see.
19. Good friends give as much as they take. This was a hard lesson to learn and I didn't figure it out until I was already well into the twenties. But somewhere around twenty-four or twenty-five I realized that the people who love me deeply, completely, and unconditionally were offering me something. The friends that are forever didn't expect me to do or be anything that I wasn't. Thank God for them.
18. My parents aren't perfect, but that doesn't mean they're horrible either. In my "growing up" years I thought my mom and dad hung the moon. I believed they were superhuman parents who had zero flaws and existed solely to love and provide for me. My teens became a time where I thought my parents were annoying and very, very uncool. But in my twenties I began to see "mom" and "dad" as "Jenny" and "Mark." I realized that they made mistakes, took chances, and sometimes fell flat on their face. But they also loved me desperately. They provided a much needed safety net and they encouraged me when it felt like the world was just a little too cold. Turns out my mom and dad are superheroes, but they fall into the "flawed" hero category.
17. I don't look good in the color grey. I don't know why it took me so long to come to terms with this. But I finally set aside all notions that I could pull off "grey."
16. Not all dreams come true. This particular lesson stung pretty badly when I realized it. I'm such a dreamer. Since I was a little girl I would spend hours in my head, dreaming up the great, big, shiny future I would live. One day I'd imagine myself living in New York writing wildly popular novels, another day I'd be a pop star or anchoring the update desk on SNL. In Jr. High I told all my friends my great, big dream was to win an Oscar. I think those dreams are wonderful and sweet. I think they helped shape the woman I am today. I also think they're incredibly unrealistic. Not all dreams come true, and sometimes the dreams we hold onto can make us miss the life we are actually living.
15. Living simply is my favorite way to live. My twenties taught me that I'm not someone who needs to buy a big house and fill it with "stuff." There's nothing inherently wrong with "stuff." But in my twenties I learned that for Chelsea, the best life is one where I'm not weighed down. My best life involves a passport, a pup, and a phone (so I can call those loved ones whenever I want and google directions).
14. People won't be able to guess what I'm thinking. I've wasted so much time being angry at my friends and family when they let me down. 90% of those times were because I didn't speak up about a need I had. Oh gosh, thank the Lord Almighty that I've finally realized the only way to get my needs met is to speak up about them.
13. My music collection is made infinitely better because of 90's hip hop. Prior to my twenties my music collection was mostly country, pop, 80's anything, classic rock, and a smattering of weirdly, dark alternative. But in my twenties I discovered the joys of Sir-Mix-A-Lot, The Roots, Coolio, Lauryn Hill, Jay-Z, and of course Notorious BIG. Thank you 20's for opening my eyes!
12. My decisions have consequences and sometimes those consequences are bigger than I thought they'd be. This lesson was kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand sometimes those consequences are great, like I decide to go off-roading with the Hellinga brothers on a whim and have one of the best weekends of my life. But sometimes those consequences are bad and have serious ripple effects, like I decide to lie about something and really hurt someone I love. My 20's taught me that the decisions I make (big and small) come with consequences, so I should do my best to choose carefully.
11. I come with unique gifts, talents, and quirks that no one else has. My twenties helped me to see that I don't want to be a cut-out of what Hollywood or society thinks an "interesting woman" looks like. I'm just me. I'm the me that makes up songs, loves to cook, and can preach the Word like it's going out of style. I'm the me that's weird, funny, and sings at the top of her lungs in the car. Yes, there are plenty of things about myself that need softening or extracting all together. But overall I'm a pretty badass, awesome woman- my twenties taught me that.
10. Heartache is unavoidable, even if you don't put yourself out there. I spent so much of my teens and twenties hiding from romance because I was convinced no one would ever want me. I believed with every fiber of my being that I was one of those "she's like my sister" girls (side note: MEN: THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT). So I didn't speak up when I like a boy. I didn't put myself out there, because I figured if i wasn't playing the game I couldn't get thrown out of it. I figured if I didn't hold out my heart, no one could break it. This, sadly was not true. Hearts are just too fragile to go a lifetime without pain or aches. In my twenties I learned that it's better to go big and go home, than to stay home and eat ice cream (this is solid advice and should be embroidered on a pillow).
9. Having friends of all ages, from a variety of backgrounds, with diverse beliefs is the only way to really, truly live. In my 20's I started to see that if ALL of my friends were locked in a room together for 24 hours they would get in a lot of fights. There would be blood between the democrats and republicans. The USC fans would attack the UCLA fans, and I'm positive that my seminary friends would offend someone. This is the best. As soon as I was able to see that diversity made my life richer I worked to collect even more variety in my friends. I am made better by the wide range of voices that speak into who I am.
8. A sad song and a little bit of wallow is necessary sometimes. I do not understand the whole "stiff, upper lip" theory. There are times when I need a good cry, my journal, and a Tori Amos song. Wait, scratch that. I don't like enough Tori Amos music to use her as my example. New try: There are times when I need a good cry, my journal, and an Eric Clapton song. Wallowing is ok. I don't have to plaster a smile on my face and fake it till I make it. Throwing the covers over my head and refusing to face the day is a perfectly acceptable response to sadness and grief.
7. There are days when wallowing is self-indulgent and unacceptable. I know that it seems #7 is in conflict with #8, but trust me on this one. My twenties also taught me that there are times when I need to shake it off. Part of living on this planet with other people is learning that there are times when it is not about me and what I need. I don't have to say every, single thing that crosses my mind (such a hard lesson to learn). I don't have to get my "me" time. If I'm going to be a real person, a person who loves others and contributes to this world we live in than I accept that there are times when I will have to give from an empty place.
6. I love the outdoors. This lesson kind of threw me. I discovered in my teens that I'm a lover of architecture, museums, and big cities. But in my twenties I learned that I also love long walks, open spaces, and camping. This world is full of beautiful sunsets and breathtaking vistas. As it turns out, I'm someone who wants to see said vistas. Shocking.
6. When I'm angry I need space to figure out why. Living with me is not easy, just ask my current roomies Cassie and Bingley. Actually for that matter just ask any of the people who have ever lived with me, I think my dad ended up writing a dissertation on the difficulty of living with me. Prior to my 20's I thought that I had to dig my heels into every fight, yell whenever I was mad, and that leaving the room meant I was a hater of resolution. But my twenties taught me that I am someone who needs space when I get mad, so I can figure out why I am mad. This doesn't mean that I'm bad at conflict, it doesn't mean that I am incapable of offering an apology or changing my mind. It simply means that my brain needs an hour or two (or sometimes a whole evening) to sort itself out.
5. I'm a dog person. Go peruse my Instagram and this lesson will need no further explanation.
4. My favorite person to talk to on the phone is my brother. My brother is funny. He's "fall on the floor, pee your pants" funny. But he is at his comedic best on the phone. I love to listen to him tell me how he's keeping up with the Kardashians or the latest way he scared his wife by hiding in the bathroom. Thanks twenties for teaching me that I can be friends with my baby bro.
3. Growing up does not mean I have to reject my childhood. I had one hell of an amazing childhood. I had friends who are still in my life, great teachers, an awesome family, and a church that loved me with it all it had. I can grow up to be a mature adult and I don't have to assume that means the good stuff I was raised with loses it's power. If anything, that "good stuff" is a big reason why I am a self-sufficient, confident adult. My testimony may not have the "wow" factor of some, but it's bright and shiny in the best ways.
2. Loving someone is harder than I thought. In my twenties I worked with students and there were a couple of them who stole my heart (you know who you are). I wanted to be there for them in the way that pastors, friends, and family had been there for me. But when you commit to loving someone- to really love them, it asks something of you. Telling students that they can call you at 3am if they need to means you have to answer the phone at 3am. Being a steady force in someone's life means that you have to keep showing up even when they disappoint you or say something dumb. Mostly my twenties taught me that love is more about quiet humility than it's about flash.
1. The biggest lesson that I learned in my twenties was that I can trust myself. The 20's seemed to pound out the little voice in my head that told me I couldn't trust me. I learned that I have valuable instincts and that when I believe in myself there really isn't any mountain I can't climb (gross, that sentence should come with a motivational poster)! I know my voice now and I trust it enough to follow it.
It's been much too long since I settled myself in your arms. It's not that I haven't had anything to say or that big things haven't been happening. But I guess, I was doing my best to sort through those things without having to do the messy work on the interwebs. But tonight I think I just may have words to splatter upon the soft glow of your screen. I'm not sure that there's any sort of cohesion for this post. So my suggestion is to hold tight and try not to get too dizzy from my transitions.
I'm turning 30 in a month. A MONTH! Geez. I have this very specific memory of dancing around my room at ten singing at the top of my lungs to Tina Turner and thinking about how far away my twenties seemed. And now, here I am about to abandon them. I can't believe it. I find that I'm holding a very mixed bag of emotions, because I like my emotions nice and tidy I've decided to do my best to sort them out. So I'm about to bestow upon you the first of two lists. Tonight I'm going to list our twenty things I learned in my twenties. You're going to have to wait a couple weeks for my list of "30 hopes and wishes my 30's!"
20 in my 20's:
20. My twenties taught me that adventure doesn't look like it does in the movies. I learned that adventure isn't just taking an epic road trip with your friends or flying off to Paris to stop the love of your life before they get married. Adventure can be quiet decisions. Adventure can be sticking it out in a relationship that's headed south. It can be getting lunch with a friend who needs you or even getting a dog. In my twenties, my greatest adventure was enrolling at SPU to finish my undergrad. Getting my Bachelors began the wildest adventure my twenties would ever see.
19. Good friends give as much as they take. This was a hard lesson to learn and I didn't figure it out until I was already well into the twenties. But somewhere around twenty-four or twenty-five I realized that the people who love me deeply, completely, and unconditionally were offering me something. The friends that are forever didn't expect me to do or be anything that I wasn't. Thank God for them.
18. My parents aren't perfect, but that doesn't mean they're horrible either. In my "growing up" years I thought my mom and dad hung the moon. I believed they were superhuman parents who had zero flaws and existed solely to love and provide for me. My teens became a time where I thought my parents were annoying and very, very uncool. But in my twenties I began to see "mom" and "dad" as "Jenny" and "Mark." I realized that they made mistakes, took chances, and sometimes fell flat on their face. But they also loved me desperately. They provided a much needed safety net and they encouraged me when it felt like the world was just a little too cold. Turns out my mom and dad are superheroes, but they fall into the "flawed" hero category.
17. I don't look good in the color grey. I don't know why it took me so long to come to terms with this. But I finally set aside all notions that I could pull off "grey."
16. Not all dreams come true. This particular lesson stung pretty badly when I realized it. I'm such a dreamer. Since I was a little girl I would spend hours in my head, dreaming up the great, big, shiny future I would live. One day I'd imagine myself living in New York writing wildly popular novels, another day I'd be a pop star or anchoring the update desk on SNL. In Jr. High I told all my friends my great, big dream was to win an Oscar. I think those dreams are wonderful and sweet. I think they helped shape the woman I am today. I also think they're incredibly unrealistic. Not all dreams come true, and sometimes the dreams we hold onto can make us miss the life we are actually living.
15. Living simply is my favorite way to live. My twenties taught me that I'm not someone who needs to buy a big house and fill it with "stuff." There's nothing inherently wrong with "stuff." But in my twenties I learned that for Chelsea, the best life is one where I'm not weighed down. My best life involves a passport, a pup, and a phone (so I can call those loved ones whenever I want and google directions).
14. People won't be able to guess what I'm thinking. I've wasted so much time being angry at my friends and family when they let me down. 90% of those times were because I didn't speak up about a need I had. Oh gosh, thank the Lord Almighty that I've finally realized the only way to get my needs met is to speak up about them.
13. My music collection is made infinitely better because of 90's hip hop. Prior to my twenties my music collection was mostly country, pop, 80's anything, classic rock, and a smattering of weirdly, dark alternative. But in my twenties I discovered the joys of Sir-Mix-A-Lot, The Roots, Coolio, Lauryn Hill, Jay-Z, and of course Notorious BIG. Thank you 20's for opening my eyes!
12. My decisions have consequences and sometimes those consequences are bigger than I thought they'd be. This lesson was kind of a double-edged sword. On the one hand sometimes those consequences are great, like I decide to go off-roading with the Hellinga brothers on a whim and have one of the best weekends of my life. But sometimes those consequences are bad and have serious ripple effects, like I decide to lie about something and really hurt someone I love. My 20's taught me that the decisions I make (big and small) come with consequences, so I should do my best to choose carefully.
11. I come with unique gifts, talents, and quirks that no one else has. My twenties helped me to see that I don't want to be a cut-out of what Hollywood or society thinks an "interesting woman" looks like. I'm just me. I'm the me that makes up songs, loves to cook, and can preach the Word like it's going out of style. I'm the me that's weird, funny, and sings at the top of her lungs in the car. Yes, there are plenty of things about myself that need softening or extracting all together. But overall I'm a pretty badass, awesome woman- my twenties taught me that.
10. Heartache is unavoidable, even if you don't put yourself out there. I spent so much of my teens and twenties hiding from romance because I was convinced no one would ever want me. I believed with every fiber of my being that I was one of those "she's like my sister" girls (side note: MEN: THIS IS NOT A COMPLIMENT). So I didn't speak up when I like a boy. I didn't put myself out there, because I figured if i wasn't playing the game I couldn't get thrown out of it. I figured if I didn't hold out my heart, no one could break it. This, sadly was not true. Hearts are just too fragile to go a lifetime without pain or aches. In my twenties I learned that it's better to go big and go home, than to stay home and eat ice cream (this is solid advice and should be embroidered on a pillow).
9. Having friends of all ages, from a variety of backgrounds, with diverse beliefs is the only way to really, truly live. In my 20's I started to see that if ALL of my friends were locked in a room together for 24 hours they would get in a lot of fights. There would be blood between the democrats and republicans. The USC fans would attack the UCLA fans, and I'm positive that my seminary friends would offend someone. This is the best. As soon as I was able to see that diversity made my life richer I worked to collect even more variety in my friends. I am made better by the wide range of voices that speak into who I am.
8. A sad song and a little bit of wallow is necessary sometimes. I do not understand the whole "stiff, upper lip" theory. There are times when I need a good cry, my journal, and a Tori Amos song. Wait, scratch that. I don't like enough Tori Amos music to use her as my example. New try: There are times when I need a good cry, my journal, and an Eric Clapton song. Wallowing is ok. I don't have to plaster a smile on my face and fake it till I make it. Throwing the covers over my head and refusing to face the day is a perfectly acceptable response to sadness and grief.
7. There are days when wallowing is self-indulgent and unacceptable. I know that it seems #7 is in conflict with #8, but trust me on this one. My twenties also taught me that there are times when I need to shake it off. Part of living on this planet with other people is learning that there are times when it is not about me and what I need. I don't have to say every, single thing that crosses my mind (such a hard lesson to learn). I don't have to get my "me" time. If I'm going to be a real person, a person who loves others and contributes to this world we live in than I accept that there are times when I will have to give from an empty place.
6. I love the outdoors. This lesson kind of threw me. I discovered in my teens that I'm a lover of architecture, museums, and big cities. But in my twenties I learned that I also love long walks, open spaces, and camping. This world is full of beautiful sunsets and breathtaking vistas. As it turns out, I'm someone who wants to see said vistas. Shocking.
6. When I'm angry I need space to figure out why. Living with me is not easy, just ask my current roomies Cassie and Bingley. Actually for that matter just ask any of the people who have ever lived with me, I think my dad ended up writing a dissertation on the difficulty of living with me. Prior to my 20's I thought that I had to dig my heels into every fight, yell whenever I was mad, and that leaving the room meant I was a hater of resolution. But my twenties taught me that I am someone who needs space when I get mad, so I can figure out why I am mad. This doesn't mean that I'm bad at conflict, it doesn't mean that I am incapable of offering an apology or changing my mind. It simply means that my brain needs an hour or two (or sometimes a whole evening) to sort itself out.
5. I'm a dog person. Go peruse my Instagram and this lesson will need no further explanation.
4. My favorite person to talk to on the phone is my brother. My brother is funny. He's "fall on the floor, pee your pants" funny. But he is at his comedic best on the phone. I love to listen to him tell me how he's keeping up with the Kardashians or the latest way he scared his wife by hiding in the bathroom. Thanks twenties for teaching me that I can be friends with my baby bro.
3. Growing up does not mean I have to reject my childhood. I had one hell of an amazing childhood. I had friends who are still in my life, great teachers, an awesome family, and a church that loved me with it all it had. I can grow up to be a mature adult and I don't have to assume that means the good stuff I was raised with loses it's power. If anything, that "good stuff" is a big reason why I am a self-sufficient, confident adult. My testimony may not have the "wow" factor of some, but it's bright and shiny in the best ways.
2. Loving someone is harder than I thought. In my twenties I worked with students and there were a couple of them who stole my heart (you know who you are). I wanted to be there for them in the way that pastors, friends, and family had been there for me. But when you commit to loving someone- to really love them, it asks something of you. Telling students that they can call you at 3am if they need to means you have to answer the phone at 3am. Being a steady force in someone's life means that you have to keep showing up even when they disappoint you or say something dumb. Mostly my twenties taught me that love is more about quiet humility than it's about flash.
1. The biggest lesson that I learned in my twenties was that I can trust myself. The 20's seemed to pound out the little voice in my head that told me I couldn't trust me. I learned that I have valuable instincts and that when I believe in myself there really isn't any mountain I can't climb (gross, that sentence should come with a motivational poster)! I know my voice now and I trust it enough to follow it.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
sharing the weight...
i've waited a few weeks to post this blog and i'm not exactly sure why. i know the things i'm about to write were things i wanted to share, but i think the idea of sending these words out into the abyss seemed a little scary. so i write slowly, with caution, asking God to take my humble offering and make a meal of it.
towards the end of september i went to the doctor for a physical because of a pre-exisiting condition part of the physical involved me having an ultra sound a week after my original appointment. my ultra sound was seemingly routine, but a few days later when my doctor called with the results it seemed that things were not routine. she was concerned that perhaps my original pre-exisiting condition was a mis-diagnosis and that i had something much more complicated and scarier. she encouraged me to see a specialist and said she was no expert (being a GP) and that i should wait to worry till after seeing the specialist. yeah, right.
about a week and a half went by before i could get in to see the specialist and during that time i became a crazy person. i cried at the drop of a hat (literally, i dropped my beanie one morning and burst into tears). i suddenly became one of those people who trolls the internet for information and i made my mom listen while i rattled off every scary story i read. i was hurting, deeply. i was scared and sad and angry. when i am feeling vulnerable my first instinct is to crawl inside myself and hide. i am not a share-er. i do not let people in easily, it's just not in my nature. but because of some very important work that God has been doing in my life recently, i decided to ignore my instincts.
i gathered a handful of close family and friends together and told them what was going on. i asked for their support and prayers. i asked them to open their hands and help carry the weight that i'd been dragging around. amazingly, they did. i can't express in words how that healed me. years ago i had been betrayed by someone that i thought was a safe place and i had decided that trusting people was no longer an option. for years i'd been walking around on the earth carrying the anger and pain and distrust. it. was. exhausting.
trusting my friends and family with this very tender pain wasn't easy. a couple times i woke up in the middle of the night worried that i had made a mistake. but after a few days i leaned into their love and i felt so incredibly safe. they cried with me, prayed for me, and told me it was all going to work out. who knew that such simple acts would be so precious?
in the end, the specialist said my original diagnosis was correct. she believes that my GP just didn't factor in some other important variables when reading my scan. it was a roller coaster of a month but i think God took me on it so i would learn that he created me for community and i'm so glad he did!
towards the end of september i went to the doctor for a physical because of a pre-exisiting condition part of the physical involved me having an ultra sound a week after my original appointment. my ultra sound was seemingly routine, but a few days later when my doctor called with the results it seemed that things were not routine. she was concerned that perhaps my original pre-exisiting condition was a mis-diagnosis and that i had something much more complicated and scarier. she encouraged me to see a specialist and said she was no expert (being a GP) and that i should wait to worry till after seeing the specialist. yeah, right.
about a week and a half went by before i could get in to see the specialist and during that time i became a crazy person. i cried at the drop of a hat (literally, i dropped my beanie one morning and burst into tears). i suddenly became one of those people who trolls the internet for information and i made my mom listen while i rattled off every scary story i read. i was hurting, deeply. i was scared and sad and angry. when i am feeling vulnerable my first instinct is to crawl inside myself and hide. i am not a share-er. i do not let people in easily, it's just not in my nature. but because of some very important work that God has been doing in my life recently, i decided to ignore my instincts.
i gathered a handful of close family and friends together and told them what was going on. i asked for their support and prayers. i asked them to open their hands and help carry the weight that i'd been dragging around. amazingly, they did. i can't express in words how that healed me. years ago i had been betrayed by someone that i thought was a safe place and i had decided that trusting people was no longer an option. for years i'd been walking around on the earth carrying the anger and pain and distrust. it. was. exhausting.
trusting my friends and family with this very tender pain wasn't easy. a couple times i woke up in the middle of the night worried that i had made a mistake. but after a few days i leaned into their love and i felt so incredibly safe. they cried with me, prayed for me, and told me it was all going to work out. who knew that such simple acts would be so precious?
in the end, the specialist said my original diagnosis was correct. she believes that my GP just didn't factor in some other important variables when reading my scan. it was a roller coaster of a month but i think God took me on it so i would learn that he created me for community and i'm so glad he did!
Monday, August 19, 2013
full circle...
i'm currently soaring above oregon, letting this giant steel bird carry me home to seattle. i've missed my city and all of it's glorious trappings, but before this bird lands i thought i'd take the time to process through the great, big things God did the past few weeks in my old home.
i spent the last 3ish weeks in beautiful california. i got to see two of my dear friends get married (not to each other, but to the dashing young men they had found for themselves). emily and amy were truly the most beautiful brides. i feel so thankful that i got to cheer along as they spoke vows and kissed lips.
i also got to see the people that live in my heart, but not in my city. i got to have sushi dates with my christina and listen to all the things i've missed while living so far, far away. i went to pipeline and played mafia with all my favorite ragamuffins. and let's not forget that i had tacos! like real, wonderful, spicy tacos!! can we get a huge "AMEN!" for that please?
i spent time with my mom and dad. i loved getting to sit with them in the morning and listen to dad's stories about his golf game while the smell of my mom's coffee cake invaded my nostrils. there really is no where i feel safer than in our living room, laughing and talking and eating.
but the very best part of my trip was the last four days. i had the huge honor of being the speaker at our church's family camp. and while it was such a pleasure to get to share my heart and my thoughts with my church that wasn't what made the time great. here's what did: i played cards till the wee hours (well, at least what i consider the wee hours) with patrick and syd. i swam in the pool with sally while we talked about her amazing daughters who constantly surprise me with their big hearts and wise souls. i laughed till my stomach hurt while peter ranted about toddlers and tiaras. i engaged in the world's most chaotic water war and though i was soaked head-to-toe i feel that i fought valiantly. i watched angela conquer her fears and the high ropes course! i danced my tush off at disco night and listened with pride while tony melted our faces with his guitar playing. my boys kept me on my toes with their antics and they reminded me why i love them so much.
i had church! i was knee deep in community and it reminded me that my heart is fullest when it's living life with the people around me. i feel incredibly grateful that i got to spend this time with you sweet SAPC!
well, my metal bird seems to be headed back to earth, so i guess i should put my laptop away. i need to sleep like maybe 100 days before i'm recovered, but i'm so full of joy.
i spent the last 3ish weeks in beautiful california. i got to see two of my dear friends get married (not to each other, but to the dashing young men they had found for themselves). emily and amy were truly the most beautiful brides. i feel so thankful that i got to cheer along as they spoke vows and kissed lips.
i also got to see the people that live in my heart, but not in my city. i got to have sushi dates with my christina and listen to all the things i've missed while living so far, far away. i went to pipeline and played mafia with all my favorite ragamuffins. and let's not forget that i had tacos! like real, wonderful, spicy tacos!! can we get a huge "AMEN!" for that please?
i spent time with my mom and dad. i loved getting to sit with them in the morning and listen to dad's stories about his golf game while the smell of my mom's coffee cake invaded my nostrils. there really is no where i feel safer than in our living room, laughing and talking and eating.
but the very best part of my trip was the last four days. i had the huge honor of being the speaker at our church's family camp. and while it was such a pleasure to get to share my heart and my thoughts with my church that wasn't what made the time great. here's what did: i played cards till the wee hours (well, at least what i consider the wee hours) with patrick and syd. i swam in the pool with sally while we talked about her amazing daughters who constantly surprise me with their big hearts and wise souls. i laughed till my stomach hurt while peter ranted about toddlers and tiaras. i engaged in the world's most chaotic water war and though i was soaked head-to-toe i feel that i fought valiantly. i watched angela conquer her fears and the high ropes course! i danced my tush off at disco night and listened with pride while tony melted our faces with his guitar playing. my boys kept me on my toes with their antics and they reminded me why i love them so much.
i had church! i was knee deep in community and it reminded me that my heart is fullest when it's living life with the people around me. i feel incredibly grateful that i got to spend this time with you sweet SAPC!
well, my metal bird seems to be headed back to earth, so i guess i should put my laptop away. i need to sleep like maybe 100 days before i'm recovered, but i'm so full of joy.
Friday, July 12, 2013
The West Wing...
the west wing is my favorite tv show ever. i mean ever. i own the entire series on dvd, watch it regularly and often, and still find it as enjoyable as i did the first time. i've decided to list out my top ten favorite episodes. this was a difficult process, but i think i've managed to do it. so without further ado, in no particular order, please to enjoy:
10. the crackpots and these women (season 1)
in this episode leo has set up appointments for each senior staff member to meet with a group that usually doesn't end up getting face time with the west wing. cj meets with an animal rights group that wants to build a wolves only hwy, sam meets a man who believes there's an alien spaceship headed toward earth, etc. meanwhile josh is given instructions on what to do in case of a major threat on the country and they don't sit well with him. this is one of my favorite episodes for a couple reasons. first, it is the first episode where aaron sorkin is making a statement about what government should be, rather than what it is. he's posing the question: what would our country look like if we took time to listen to a variety of voices? secondly, it's hilarious. the scene of cj bantering with this wolf group makes me laugh out loud every time. finally, this makes the top 10 simply because of two scenes: josh with his therapist and josh with cj. both scenes are some of bradly whitford's best acting in these series. they are subtle, powerful, and hugely emotional.
9. in the shadow of two gunman: parts 1 and 2 (season 2)
i'm cheating here and making counting two episodes as one, but whatever. it's my blog, i make the rules. two gunman have shot at the president and his staff as they exit a building. in these opening episodes for season 2 we flash between how the white house is handling the emergency and how the senior staff all got into their positions. these episodes are remarkable. they're understated, even while they're walking through an extremely dramatic storyline. they're quiet and yet by the end of the episode, i found myself incredibly moved by what i had just seen. one last thing, i think the MVP moment of these episodes is when donna first finds out that josh was shot. janel moloney makes some really bold choices as an actress and they pay off in big ways.
8. 17 people (season 2)
in this episode toby figures out that bartlett isn't planning on running for a second term and the president is forced to tell him that he has MS. meanwhile josh, donna, sam, and ainsley are punching up the jokes for an upcoming speech the president is giving. i love the interplay between toby and the president in this episode. they're both angry and frustrated. they're both convinced they're in the right. there's this constant tug-of-war between them and this episode is a great example of that. plus this episode really digs into the question of how much privacy our presidents should be afforded. i love that aaron sorkin is never afraid to wade into murky waters and leave us there to find our own way out. also the stuff between josh and donna is heartwarming and as always sam and ainsley have great chemistry and really give us something to giggle at.
7. two cathedrals (season 2)
i love this episode so much i have actually used it as an illustration in multiple sermons. this episode tackles mrs. landingham's funeral, it flashes back to how bartlett met mrs. landingham, and it sets the stage for season three. there are multiple amazing moments in this episode. but here are my two favorites: everyone has left the church after the funeral and the president asks the secret service to seal the chapel so he can have a moment alone. as a man of great faith it seems like this is going to be a moment where he grabs hold of God and leans on him. instead this is what he says:
Bartlet: You're a son of a bitch, you know that? She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What, was that supposed to be funny? "You can't conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God," says Graham Greene. I don't know whose ass he was kissin' there, 'cause I think you're just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman, a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to yours but praise his glory and praise his name? There's a tropical storm that's gaining speed and power. They say we haven't had a storm this bad since you took out that Tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year. Sixty-eight crew. You know what a Tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. It doesn't even carry guns, it just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail. That's all it can do. Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I've committed many sins. Have I dispelased you, you feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn't good? Bailed out Mexico, increased foreign trade, thirty million new acres of land for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench, we're not fighting a war, I've raised three children... that's not enough to buy me out of the dog house? You get Hoynes!
i love this moment of anger, this moment of such grief and honesty. and i think it is a powerful example of how we can approach God in all of our brokenness. my other favorite moment is the last scenes of the episode. there's no way i can adequately explain it. so watch it for yourself:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EgLiPvhV-Y
6. isaac and ishmael (season 3)
during the hiatus for the show between the second and third season 9/11 happened. aaron sorkin decided to open the west wing's third season with a stand-alone episode that would address the aftermath of that tragedy. in this episode a group of high school students are visiting the west wing when there's a lockdown. so josh and the rest of the staff sit with them, in a cafeteria and they talk about terrorism. they ask the questions we were all asking ourselves during those first few months. again sorkin is at his best when he poses an issue, gives us all the sides to think about, and then leaves us to make our own decision about what is right.
5. game on (season 4)
it's the night of the big debate and as cj says, the staff is worried if the president is going to show up or if it will be "mr. fluffy." this episode makes my favorite list for only one reason and it's just a few lines delivered by the great martin sheen. but they are some pretty badass amazing lines:
Governor Robert Ritchie: My view of this is simple: we don't need a Federal Department of Education telling us our children have to learn Esperanto, they have to learn Eskimo poetry. Let the states decide, let the communities decide on health care, on education, on lower taxes, not higher taxes. Now, he's going to throw a big word at you - "unfunded mandate." He's going to say if Washington lets the states do it, it's an unfunded mandate. But what he doesn't like is the federal government losing power. But I call it the ingenuity of the American people.
Moderator: President Bartlet, you have 60 seconds for a question and an answer.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Well, first of all, let's clear up a couple of things. "Unfunded mandate" is two words, not one big word. There are times when we're fifty states and there are times when we're one country, and have national needs. And the way I know this is that Florida didn't fight Germany in World War II or establish civil rights. You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That's a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year - from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. I'm supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
4. inauguration, part 2: over there (season 4)
the president is beginning his second term and all the hijinks that go along with that. for those of us who love josh and donna this is one of the best episodes. the scene where he comes to her house before the ball is just swoon-worthy. this is one of those episodes where i am in awe of how witty the humor of this show is. the lines are well written, no one would ever argue that. but they're also delivered with such precision that it's clear this show is made by the best of the best. this episode is fun, it's smart, and it's hilarious.
3. gaza (season 5)
donna is on a fact finding trip in gaza with a handful of senators when the car she's riding in is blown up. i think this episode completely changes the series. leo and the president disagree on what the response should be, to the extent that this is the beginning of the end for leo as the chief of staff. josh and donna's "will they/won't they" reaches it's boiling point and their relationship never really returns to what it looked like before. the tone of the show shifts as well. this episode reminds the viewer that a presidency may be full of nuances, but ultimately legacies are defined by one single decision, for better or worse.
2. impact winter (season 6)
cj, toby, and the president head to china for what is to be bartlett's last international trip of his presidency. his MS has progressed significantly and he is forced to stay in a wheelchair. meanwhile, josh is left behind to "keep an eye on things." this is also the episode that we see tangibly a change we have felt instinctively. donna officially quits and moves onto working for the vice-president's campaign. in my opinion donna is the character that changes the most in the series. this episode is where that change starts to practically show itself. she's no longer an assistant and she no longer can work under josh. their relationship is utterly different. i love that this episode has me feeling all topsy-turvey. the storyline in china reveals just how tenacious president bartlett is. the josh/donna storyline reminds me the end is near and shows how carefully crafted these characters were.
1. tomorrow (season 7)
in many ways the series finale left me craving more. i wanted to flash forward 5 years and see where all these characters were (and the blurb in the premiere of season 7 doesn't cut it). but really, this episode is the perfect end to a series that i love so much. as president bartlett and his staff are preparing to say good-bye, president-elect santos and his staff are just beginning. i have probably watched this episode (and the entire series) more than 30 times and without fail this episode makes me cry. always. my favorite moment is when debbie is showing ronna her desk. ronna wanders into the oval office and it's clear she's overcome with emotion and this room. debbie has this to say:
Your most important job is keeping track of who's going in and out of the Oval Office. The first thing you'll need to do is establish who'll have walk-in privileges. Usually it's just the First Lady and the Chief of Staff. At some point the President's going to ask you to take away his wife's walk-in privileges. Don't do it no matter how much he begs. You have the right to attend the morning staff meeting. I never went because the senior staff was already appropriately intimidated by my stern visage and dry wit. But you're young, you have a baby face. They are going to try and walk all over you. You should go. [Stands behind Ronna as she looks into Oval Office with awe.] You desk sits right outside this door. You prepare his schedule. You decide who goes in and who doesn't. Your most frequent response to any question will be 'no'. [Gives Ronna's arm a reassuring sqeeze] Say it with empathy and you'll be fine.
it always hits me at this moment in the episode how powerfully the simplest of jobs impact our world. in a lot of ways ronna is just a secretary. she's going to answer the phone and file papers, and yet she sits right outside the oval office and she decides who goes in and who doesn't. her presence makes an impact. ultimately that's something this show constantly teaches me: my presence makes an impact.
10. the crackpots and these women (season 1)
in this episode leo has set up appointments for each senior staff member to meet with a group that usually doesn't end up getting face time with the west wing. cj meets with an animal rights group that wants to build a wolves only hwy, sam meets a man who believes there's an alien spaceship headed toward earth, etc. meanwhile josh is given instructions on what to do in case of a major threat on the country and they don't sit well with him. this is one of my favorite episodes for a couple reasons. first, it is the first episode where aaron sorkin is making a statement about what government should be, rather than what it is. he's posing the question: what would our country look like if we took time to listen to a variety of voices? secondly, it's hilarious. the scene of cj bantering with this wolf group makes me laugh out loud every time. finally, this makes the top 10 simply because of two scenes: josh with his therapist and josh with cj. both scenes are some of bradly whitford's best acting in these series. they are subtle, powerful, and hugely emotional.
9. in the shadow of two gunman: parts 1 and 2 (season 2)
i'm cheating here and making counting two episodes as one, but whatever. it's my blog, i make the rules. two gunman have shot at the president and his staff as they exit a building. in these opening episodes for season 2 we flash between how the white house is handling the emergency and how the senior staff all got into their positions. these episodes are remarkable. they're understated, even while they're walking through an extremely dramatic storyline. they're quiet and yet by the end of the episode, i found myself incredibly moved by what i had just seen. one last thing, i think the MVP moment of these episodes is when donna first finds out that josh was shot. janel moloney makes some really bold choices as an actress and they pay off in big ways.
8. 17 people (season 2)
in this episode toby figures out that bartlett isn't planning on running for a second term and the president is forced to tell him that he has MS. meanwhile josh, donna, sam, and ainsley are punching up the jokes for an upcoming speech the president is giving. i love the interplay between toby and the president in this episode. they're both angry and frustrated. they're both convinced they're in the right. there's this constant tug-of-war between them and this episode is a great example of that. plus this episode really digs into the question of how much privacy our presidents should be afforded. i love that aaron sorkin is never afraid to wade into murky waters and leave us there to find our own way out. also the stuff between josh and donna is heartwarming and as always sam and ainsley have great chemistry and really give us something to giggle at.
7. two cathedrals (season 2)
i love this episode so much i have actually used it as an illustration in multiple sermons. this episode tackles mrs. landingham's funeral, it flashes back to how bartlett met mrs. landingham, and it sets the stage for season three. there are multiple amazing moments in this episode. but here are my two favorites: everyone has left the church after the funeral and the president asks the secret service to seal the chapel so he can have a moment alone. as a man of great faith it seems like this is going to be a moment where he grabs hold of God and leans on him. instead this is what he says:
Bartlet: You're a son of a bitch, you know that? She bought her first new car and you hit her with a drunk driver. What, was that supposed to be funny? "You can't conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God," says Graham Greene. I don't know whose ass he was kissin' there, 'cause I think you're just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman, a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to yours but praise his glory and praise his name? There's a tropical storm that's gaining speed and power. They say we haven't had a storm this bad since you took out that Tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year. Sixty-eight crew. You know what a Tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. It doesn't even carry guns, it just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail. That's all it can do. Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I've committed many sins. Have I dispelased you, you feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn't good? Bailed out Mexico, increased foreign trade, thirty million new acres of land for conservation, put Mendoza on the bench, we're not fighting a war, I've raised three children... that's not enough to buy me out of the dog house? You get Hoynes!
i love this moment of anger, this moment of such grief and honesty. and i think it is a powerful example of how we can approach God in all of our brokenness. my other favorite moment is the last scenes of the episode. there's no way i can adequately explain it. so watch it for yourself:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EgLiPvhV-Y
6. isaac and ishmael (season 3)
during the hiatus for the show between the second and third season 9/11 happened. aaron sorkin decided to open the west wing's third season with a stand-alone episode that would address the aftermath of that tragedy. in this episode a group of high school students are visiting the west wing when there's a lockdown. so josh and the rest of the staff sit with them, in a cafeteria and they talk about terrorism. they ask the questions we were all asking ourselves during those first few months. again sorkin is at his best when he poses an issue, gives us all the sides to think about, and then leaves us to make our own decision about what is right.
5. game on (season 4)
it's the night of the big debate and as cj says, the staff is worried if the president is going to show up or if it will be "mr. fluffy." this episode makes my favorite list for only one reason and it's just a few lines delivered by the great martin sheen. but they are some pretty badass amazing lines:
Governor Robert Ritchie: My view of this is simple: we don't need a Federal Department of Education telling us our children have to learn Esperanto, they have to learn Eskimo poetry. Let the states decide, let the communities decide on health care, on education, on lower taxes, not higher taxes. Now, he's going to throw a big word at you - "unfunded mandate." He's going to say if Washington lets the states do it, it's an unfunded mandate. But what he doesn't like is the federal government losing power. But I call it the ingenuity of the American people.
Moderator: President Bartlet, you have 60 seconds for a question and an answer.
President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet: Well, first of all, let's clear up a couple of things. "Unfunded mandate" is two words, not one big word. There are times when we're fifty states and there are times when we're one country, and have national needs. And the way I know this is that Florida didn't fight Germany in World War II or establish civil rights. You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That's a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year - from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. I'm supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
4. inauguration, part 2: over there (season 4)
the president is beginning his second term and all the hijinks that go along with that. for those of us who love josh and donna this is one of the best episodes. the scene where he comes to her house before the ball is just swoon-worthy. this is one of those episodes where i am in awe of how witty the humor of this show is. the lines are well written, no one would ever argue that. but they're also delivered with such precision that it's clear this show is made by the best of the best. this episode is fun, it's smart, and it's hilarious.
3. gaza (season 5)
donna is on a fact finding trip in gaza with a handful of senators when the car she's riding in is blown up. i think this episode completely changes the series. leo and the president disagree on what the response should be, to the extent that this is the beginning of the end for leo as the chief of staff. josh and donna's "will they/won't they" reaches it's boiling point and their relationship never really returns to what it looked like before. the tone of the show shifts as well. this episode reminds the viewer that a presidency may be full of nuances, but ultimately legacies are defined by one single decision, for better or worse.
2. impact winter (season 6)
cj, toby, and the president head to china for what is to be bartlett's last international trip of his presidency. his MS has progressed significantly and he is forced to stay in a wheelchair. meanwhile, josh is left behind to "keep an eye on things." this is also the episode that we see tangibly a change we have felt instinctively. donna officially quits and moves onto working for the vice-president's campaign. in my opinion donna is the character that changes the most in the series. this episode is where that change starts to practically show itself. she's no longer an assistant and she no longer can work under josh. their relationship is utterly different. i love that this episode has me feeling all topsy-turvey. the storyline in china reveals just how tenacious president bartlett is. the josh/donna storyline reminds me the end is near and shows how carefully crafted these characters were.
1. tomorrow (season 7)
in many ways the series finale left me craving more. i wanted to flash forward 5 years and see where all these characters were (and the blurb in the premiere of season 7 doesn't cut it). but really, this episode is the perfect end to a series that i love so much. as president bartlett and his staff are preparing to say good-bye, president-elect santos and his staff are just beginning. i have probably watched this episode (and the entire series) more than 30 times and without fail this episode makes me cry. always. my favorite moment is when debbie is showing ronna her desk. ronna wanders into the oval office and it's clear she's overcome with emotion and this room. debbie has this to say:
Your most important job is keeping track of who's going in and out of the Oval Office. The first thing you'll need to do is establish who'll have walk-in privileges. Usually it's just the First Lady and the Chief of Staff. At some point the President's going to ask you to take away his wife's walk-in privileges. Don't do it no matter how much he begs. You have the right to attend the morning staff meeting. I never went because the senior staff was already appropriately intimidated by my stern visage and dry wit. But you're young, you have a baby face. They are going to try and walk all over you. You should go. [Stands behind Ronna as she looks into Oval Office with awe.] You desk sits right outside this door. You prepare his schedule. You decide who goes in and who doesn't. Your most frequent response to any question will be 'no'. [Gives Ronna's arm a reassuring sqeeze] Say it with empathy and you'll be fine.
it always hits me at this moment in the episode how powerfully the simplest of jobs impact our world. in a lot of ways ronna is just a secretary. she's going to answer the phone and file papers, and yet she sits right outside the oval office and she decides who goes in and who doesn't. her presence makes an impact. ultimately that's something this show constantly teaches me: my presence makes an impact.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
a reminder i needed desperately...
my dad likes to end sunday services with the phrase: "God is good, all the time and all the time, God is good." sometimes it's hard to believe that. this year especially i found myself wanting nothing to do with God. didn't crack my bible unless i had to for school (so, ok, i guess i cracked my bible a lot), didn't participate during worship beyond singing, didn't even really want to go to church. i guess if i'm going to be really bluntly honest it's because i have felt that God dealt me a bad hand.
i am desperate to be a mom. i have all this love and light stored up in me and i just want to drench my children in it. even at 7 i was dancing around my bedroom, cradling my dolls and telling them that mommy loves them so much. i'm told that when my brother was born i barely let anyone near the newborn because he was "mine." motherhood is the dream that whispers to me before i fall asleep and it lulls me awake each morning.
for a variety of reasons i'm not sure that dream will ever become reality. at least not in the way i always thought it would and that knowledge built up a big wall around my heart. i felt like i was playing chicken with God. "give me what i want, in the way that i want it or i'm just going to dig my heels in even further!" i'm so glad that my God knows how to love me even when i'm a stubborn idiot.
a few years ago when i was first dealing with the reality of facing a future without pregnant bellies or crib preperation i was crying on the phone with my kathy. kathy eisenhower baby-sat me, came to all my soccer games and speech contests, and she was the first person to ever tell me that i don't need a man to be happy (although to be fair, i was 5 at the time and i'm pretty sure she was reacting to a break-up. but hey, true advice none the less). kathy, who has struggled with her own infertility said that not getting pregnant is like sitting in a waiting room and never hearing your name called. my kathy has been someone who understands and loves me and is always there when i need to talk.
for years kathy prayed and hoped and tried to live her life in a way that honored the Giver not the gift. last week God reminded her that she belongs to a tribe of women he did not forget: sarah, elizabeth, mary, kathy...
i am desperate to be a mom. i have all this love and light stored up in me and i just want to drench my children in it. even at 7 i was dancing around my bedroom, cradling my dolls and telling them that mommy loves them so much. i'm told that when my brother was born i barely let anyone near the newborn because he was "mine." motherhood is the dream that whispers to me before i fall asleep and it lulls me awake each morning.
for a variety of reasons i'm not sure that dream will ever become reality. at least not in the way i always thought it would and that knowledge built up a big wall around my heart. i felt like i was playing chicken with God. "give me what i want, in the way that i want it or i'm just going to dig my heels in even further!" i'm so glad that my God knows how to love me even when i'm a stubborn idiot.
a few years ago when i was first dealing with the reality of facing a future without pregnant bellies or crib preperation i was crying on the phone with my kathy. kathy eisenhower baby-sat me, came to all my soccer games and speech contests, and she was the first person to ever tell me that i don't need a man to be happy (although to be fair, i was 5 at the time and i'm pretty sure she was reacting to a break-up. but hey, true advice none the less). kathy, who has struggled with her own infertility said that not getting pregnant is like sitting in a waiting room and never hearing your name called. my kathy has been someone who understands and loves me and is always there when i need to talk.
for years kathy prayed and hoped and tried to live her life in a way that honored the Giver not the gift. last week God reminded her that she belongs to a tribe of women he did not forget: sarah, elizabeth, mary, kathy...
kathy and her newly adopted little boy josiah
this picture reminds me that i am a part of that tribe. i am not forgotten. i am not left alone. this picture reminds me that families are made in many ways and that God will not leave me without a community to love. mostly this picture reminds me that when i'm hurting and broken instead of digging my heels in and wanting to stand alone, i should be letting myself melt into my God's arms. it's the only safe place. so tonight, for the first time in a very long time, i feel hope. i trust that someday i'll get to experience the joy kathy is holding in her arms right now. and i hope that when my day comes i can look back and see that i was as faithful as my kathy. i hope i can be as brave and strong and that i can give hope to other women who live in our tribe.
kath- you know this already, but you are family. you may not be flesh of my flesh but you live in my heart. i'm so happy for you and phil. i'm so overjoyed. thank you for being a soft place that i can land when the world is just a little too hard.
Friday, April 26, 2013
preacher's daughter...
WARNING: this is a long one. it takes me a while to get off my soap box... read at your own risk.
so a couple weeks ago i heard about this new reality show on lifetime. it's called: preacher's daughter and it follows three teenage girls and their families as they navigate what it means to be a preacher's daughter. i've seen a couple episodes and i feel like this show warrants some sort of response.
i wish i could say that hollywood has stretched and pulled at the truth and what's left is just a horrible exaggeration of the church. i wish i could say that i don't know girls or families or congregations like this. i wish i could say that across the board being a preacher's kid is every child's fantasy. i wish, i wish, i wish...
i want to be clear that i'm not claiming to be some parenting expert (i mean my only child has four legs, is covered in fur, and still chases his tail), but i am a "preacher's daughter" expert and the following are my two cents...
i completely understand the fear that these parents are gripped with. i know that it is a heavy weight to raise a child. you want them to be safe and loved and provided for. you want them to grow up to be men and women who stand for something- who contribute to society. when you are the head of a church there's extra weight added. you know that fair or not your child represents you. a congregation of people look to you to be their leader and the way they perceive your kid counts against you (or for you, depending on said kid). the pressure of that must be incredibly intense.
PREACHERS: there was a scene that i watched tonight: the daughter had put some pictures up on facebook that her parents deemed inappropriate, the three of them were arguing about it and then dad said this: "do you think that this behavior is the behavior a preacher's daughter should be showing? does this represent us well?"AHHHHHH!!!! i hate this sentence. i'm so glad i never heard these words come out of my parents' mouths. let me translate what that seventeen year old girl just heard her father say: "your behavior is unacceptable only because you make me look bad to my congregation and to little baby Jesus."it is completely fair to call your kid out on their stupid mistakes, my parents did it all the time. it is fair to monitor their facebook pages and want them to make good choices. you know what isn't fair?? it isn't fair to lay the weight of your church on your teenagers' shoulders! when you do that your kid will start to equate keeping up appearances with faith. suddenly they look at God as someone who is keeping track of their "good" and "bad" behavior. Mom's and Dad's (especially mom's and dad's who are in leadership positions at church): HEAR ME! your child is a beautiful and precious gift from God (this, i assume, you already know) so deal with them. listen to them. listen to their words and their actions. correct them when they are off course. hand our punishments and kisses and prayers. remember that they can't read your mind and they don't know you love them if you don't say it AND show it. be present. don't let cell phones and ipads, TV and internet wedge themselves between your family. have dinner together. be vulnerable and make your home a safe place for them to be vulnerable. NEVER and i mean never use the calling that God gave you as a way to manipulate your child. it won't give you the result you're looking for. i promise.
CONGREGATIONS: in the first episode of this show that i saw, one of the daughters and her friends were helping out a clothing drive at the church. they started goofing off and one of the elderly members of the congregation was displeased with their behavior. that sunday after services that member went to the pastor and voiced her "concerns". i believe she said something along the lines of: "pastor, i don't see how you can lead your church if you can't lead your family. i'll be praying for you all." UGH! ok people, listen up: your pastor is a human being. he or she has strengths and weaknesses. you can't possibly imagine what it feels like to have your family on display week in and week out. your comments are not helpful, they are judgmental. i happened to be blessed with a home church that loved my brother and i unconditionally. they forgave us when we made mistakes and encouraged us throughout our lives. of course i've had the odd experience with someone who felt that because i was the pastor's daughter they could say whatever they wanted to me, but mostly my experiences were beautiful ones. but i have friends who have completely walked away from the faith because of "helpful comments". let your pastors raise their children and support them the way they try to support you. please pray for them, but there's no need to throw that around as some sort of "holy ninja star".
PASTOR'S DAUGHTERS: oh, my sisters... where to begin with you? i guess i have this to say: don't let your relationship with God be dictated by the ways the church has hurt you. the church is just made up of people and those people sometimes mess up. it's not fair to put your churches on this pedestal and expect them to be perfect. remember that whether you asked for it or not you are being watched. that shouldn't make you feel pressured to be anyone other than who you are, but it does mean that you carry a responsibility. i want you to know that you are seen. i want you to know that your questions and doubts and fears are all ok. more than anything i want you to value yourself, not only as a child of your earthly father, but as a daughter of our Heavenly King. i don't want your churches to become prisons, rather they should be the places where you feel free. remember that even though at times it feels the needs of your church will always trump your needs, your parents love you. they love you so much. and maybe give your dad a break when he asks you to put on a sweater before church. you're right it shouldn't matter what you wear, but if it doesn't matter than why have the giant fight? just wear the sweater. give a little and trust that your parents will try to give a little too.
so a couple weeks ago i heard about this new reality show on lifetime. it's called: preacher's daughter and it follows three teenage girls and their families as they navigate what it means to be a preacher's daughter. i've seen a couple episodes and i feel like this show warrants some sort of response.
i wish i could say that hollywood has stretched and pulled at the truth and what's left is just a horrible exaggeration of the church. i wish i could say that i don't know girls or families or congregations like this. i wish i could say that across the board being a preacher's kid is every child's fantasy. i wish, i wish, i wish...
i want to be clear that i'm not claiming to be some parenting expert (i mean my only child has four legs, is covered in fur, and still chases his tail), but i am a "preacher's daughter" expert and the following are my two cents...
i completely understand the fear that these parents are gripped with. i know that it is a heavy weight to raise a child. you want them to be safe and loved and provided for. you want them to grow up to be men and women who stand for something- who contribute to society. when you are the head of a church there's extra weight added. you know that fair or not your child represents you. a congregation of people look to you to be their leader and the way they perceive your kid counts against you (or for you, depending on said kid). the pressure of that must be incredibly intense.
PREACHERS: there was a scene that i watched tonight: the daughter had put some pictures up on facebook that her parents deemed inappropriate, the three of them were arguing about it and then dad said this: "do you think that this behavior is the behavior a preacher's daughter should be showing? does this represent us well?"AHHHHHH!!!! i hate this sentence. i'm so glad i never heard these words come out of my parents' mouths. let me translate what that seventeen year old girl just heard her father say: "your behavior is unacceptable only because you make me look bad to my congregation and to little baby Jesus."it is completely fair to call your kid out on their stupid mistakes, my parents did it all the time. it is fair to monitor their facebook pages and want them to make good choices. you know what isn't fair?? it isn't fair to lay the weight of your church on your teenagers' shoulders! when you do that your kid will start to equate keeping up appearances with faith. suddenly they look at God as someone who is keeping track of their "good" and "bad" behavior. Mom's and Dad's (especially mom's and dad's who are in leadership positions at church): HEAR ME! your child is a beautiful and precious gift from God (this, i assume, you already know) so deal with them. listen to them. listen to their words and their actions. correct them when they are off course. hand our punishments and kisses and prayers. remember that they can't read your mind and they don't know you love them if you don't say it AND show it. be present. don't let cell phones and ipads, TV and internet wedge themselves between your family. have dinner together. be vulnerable and make your home a safe place for them to be vulnerable. NEVER and i mean never use the calling that God gave you as a way to manipulate your child. it won't give you the result you're looking for. i promise.
CONGREGATIONS: in the first episode of this show that i saw, one of the daughters and her friends were helping out a clothing drive at the church. they started goofing off and one of the elderly members of the congregation was displeased with their behavior. that sunday after services that member went to the pastor and voiced her "concerns". i believe she said something along the lines of: "pastor, i don't see how you can lead your church if you can't lead your family. i'll be praying for you all." UGH! ok people, listen up: your pastor is a human being. he or she has strengths and weaknesses. you can't possibly imagine what it feels like to have your family on display week in and week out. your comments are not helpful, they are judgmental. i happened to be blessed with a home church that loved my brother and i unconditionally. they forgave us when we made mistakes and encouraged us throughout our lives. of course i've had the odd experience with someone who felt that because i was the pastor's daughter they could say whatever they wanted to me, but mostly my experiences were beautiful ones. but i have friends who have completely walked away from the faith because of "helpful comments". let your pastors raise their children and support them the way they try to support you. please pray for them, but there's no need to throw that around as some sort of "holy ninja star".
PASTOR'S DAUGHTERS: oh, my sisters... where to begin with you? i guess i have this to say: don't let your relationship with God be dictated by the ways the church has hurt you. the church is just made up of people and those people sometimes mess up. it's not fair to put your churches on this pedestal and expect them to be perfect. remember that whether you asked for it or not you are being watched. that shouldn't make you feel pressured to be anyone other than who you are, but it does mean that you carry a responsibility. i want you to know that you are seen. i want you to know that your questions and doubts and fears are all ok. more than anything i want you to value yourself, not only as a child of your earthly father, but as a daughter of our Heavenly King. i don't want your churches to become prisons, rather they should be the places where you feel free. remember that even though at times it feels the needs of your church will always trump your needs, your parents love you. they love you so much. and maybe give your dad a break when he asks you to put on a sweater before church. you're right it shouldn't matter what you wear, but if it doesn't matter than why have the giant fight? just wear the sweater. give a little and trust that your parents will try to give a little too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)