WARNING: this is a long one. it takes me a while to get off my soap box... read at your own risk.
so a couple weeks ago i heard about this new reality show on lifetime. it's called: preacher's daughter and it follows three teenage girls and their families as they navigate what it means to be a preacher's daughter. i've seen a couple episodes and i feel like this show warrants some sort of response.
i wish i could say that hollywood has stretched and pulled at the truth and what's left is just a horrible exaggeration of the church. i wish i could say that i don't know girls or families or congregations like this. i wish i could say that across the board being a preacher's kid is every child's fantasy. i wish, i wish, i wish...
i want to be clear that i'm not claiming to be some parenting expert (i mean my only child has four legs, is covered in fur, and still chases his tail), but i am a "preacher's daughter" expert and the following are my two cents...
i completely understand the fear that these parents are gripped with. i know that it is a heavy weight to raise a child. you want them to be safe and loved and provided for. you want them to grow up to be men and women who stand for something- who contribute to society. when you are the head of a church there's extra weight added. you know that fair or not your child represents you. a congregation of people look to you to be their leader and the way they perceive your kid counts against you (or for you, depending on said kid). the pressure of that must be incredibly intense.
PREACHERS: there was a scene that i watched tonight: the daughter had put some pictures up on facebook that her parents deemed inappropriate, the three of them were arguing about it and then dad said this: "do you think that this behavior is the behavior a preacher's daughter should be showing? does this represent us well?"AHHHHHH!!!! i hate this sentence. i'm so glad i never heard these words come out of my parents' mouths. let me translate what that seventeen year old girl just heard her father say: "your behavior is unacceptable only because you make me look bad to my congregation and to little baby Jesus."it is completely fair to call your kid out on their stupid mistakes, my parents did it all the time. it is fair to monitor their facebook pages and want them to make good choices. you know what isn't fair?? it isn't fair to lay the weight of your church on your teenagers' shoulders! when you do that your kid will start to equate keeping up appearances with faith. suddenly they look at God as someone who is keeping track of their "good" and "bad" behavior. Mom's and Dad's (especially mom's and dad's who are in leadership positions at church): HEAR ME! your child is a beautiful and precious gift from God (this, i assume, you already know) so deal with them. listen to them. listen to their words and their actions. correct them when they are off course. hand our punishments and kisses and prayers. remember that they can't read your mind and they don't know you love them if you don't say it AND show it. be present. don't let cell phones and ipads, TV and internet wedge themselves between your family. have dinner together. be vulnerable and make your home a safe place for them to be vulnerable. NEVER and i mean never use the calling that God gave you as a way to manipulate your child. it won't give you the result you're looking for. i promise.
CONGREGATIONS: in the first episode of this show that i saw, one of the daughters and her friends were helping out a clothing drive at the church. they started goofing off and one of the elderly members of the congregation was displeased with their behavior. that sunday after services that member went to the pastor and voiced her "concerns". i believe she said something along the lines of: "pastor, i don't see how you can lead your church if you can't lead your family. i'll be praying for you all." UGH! ok people, listen up: your pastor is a human being. he or she has strengths and weaknesses. you can't possibly imagine what it feels like to have your family on display week in and week out. your comments are not helpful, they are judgmental. i happened to be blessed with a home church that loved my brother and i unconditionally. they forgave us when we made mistakes and encouraged us throughout our lives. of course i've had the odd experience with someone who felt that because i was the pastor's daughter they could say whatever they wanted to me, but mostly my experiences were beautiful ones. but i have friends who have completely walked away from the faith because of "helpful comments". let your pastors raise their children and support them the way they try to support you. please pray for them, but there's no need to throw that around as some sort of "holy ninja star".
PASTOR'S DAUGHTERS: oh, my sisters... where to begin with you? i guess i have this to say: don't let your relationship with God be dictated by the ways the church has hurt you. the church is just made up of people and those people sometimes mess up. it's not fair to put your churches on this pedestal and expect them to be perfect. remember that whether you asked for it or not you are being watched. that shouldn't make you feel pressured to be anyone other than who you are, but it does mean that you carry a responsibility. i want you to know that you are seen. i want you to know that your questions and doubts and fears are all ok. more than anything i want you to value yourself, not only as a child of your earthly father, but as a daughter of our Heavenly King. i don't want your churches to become prisons, rather they should be the places where you feel free. remember that even though at times it feels the needs of your church will always trump your needs, your parents love you. they love you so much. and maybe give your dad a break when he asks you to put on a sweater before church. you're right it shouldn't matter what you wear, but if it doesn't matter than why have the giant fight? just wear the sweater. give a little and trust that your parents will try to give a little too.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
hide and seek...
when i was baby-sitting in high school my absolute favorite game to play with the kiddos was hide and seek. whoever invented hide and seek knew that no human being could keep a five year old entertained for five consecutive hours. at some point they'd need to sit in a bathtub, breathe, and hope said five year old took a few extra minutes to find them. i haven't played hide and seek in years, but recently i've picked it up again.
there's a gate that guards the entrance to my heart. it's tall and menacing. i've got really ugly trolls guarding said gate and a moat, just in case! no one gets further than i want them to. i've had the gate my whole life. i'm not sure what exactly prompted me to build it, but build i did and let me tell you, upkeep on a moat is not pretty.
but these past nine months that i've been living in seattle something really surprising has been happening: i've been taking down the gate. it's just a little at a time, a brick here, giving the trolls a vacation, things like that. last night i was talking with my class meeting (basically a small group my seminary places all students in) and i realized that the more i take apart my gate the more exposed i've been feeling. that nakedness has led me to hiding.
i've been hiding from my Abba. isn't that crazy? i've been avoiding church, been avoiding prayer, been avoiding the people in my life who help draw me closer to God. i'm not sure what i'm scared of. here i am, seminary student, cowering in a bathtub, hoping the God of the Universe takes a few extra minutes to find me (by the way, don't spend too much time dissecting that metaphor, it is not at all theologically sound).
here's the good news, actually here's the great news: that's ok!! we all hide from God. we all get scared and feel vulnerable. i think that when we have these seasons of bathtub cowering it's important to remember that they're just seasons. it's ok to give yourself a few extra minutes, but then stand up, get out of your hiding place and remind yourself that there's no where safer than Abba's embrace. i'm not sure i'm ready to come out of my hiding place quite yet, but i'm working on it. for right now, i'm content to know that eventually i'll be found and the gate will be all put away and what happens after that will be pure adventure.
there's a gate that guards the entrance to my heart. it's tall and menacing. i've got really ugly trolls guarding said gate and a moat, just in case! no one gets further than i want them to. i've had the gate my whole life. i'm not sure what exactly prompted me to build it, but build i did and let me tell you, upkeep on a moat is not pretty.
but these past nine months that i've been living in seattle something really surprising has been happening: i've been taking down the gate. it's just a little at a time, a brick here, giving the trolls a vacation, things like that. last night i was talking with my class meeting (basically a small group my seminary places all students in) and i realized that the more i take apart my gate the more exposed i've been feeling. that nakedness has led me to hiding.
i've been hiding from my Abba. isn't that crazy? i've been avoiding church, been avoiding prayer, been avoiding the people in my life who help draw me closer to God. i'm not sure what i'm scared of. here i am, seminary student, cowering in a bathtub, hoping the God of the Universe takes a few extra minutes to find me (by the way, don't spend too much time dissecting that metaphor, it is not at all theologically sound).
here's the good news, actually here's the great news: that's ok!! we all hide from God. we all get scared and feel vulnerable. i think that when we have these seasons of bathtub cowering it's important to remember that they're just seasons. it's ok to give yourself a few extra minutes, but then stand up, get out of your hiding place and remind yourself that there's no where safer than Abba's embrace. i'm not sure i'm ready to come out of my hiding place quite yet, but i'm working on it. for right now, i'm content to know that eventually i'll be found and the gate will be all put away and what happens after that will be pure adventure.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
To My Girls...
tomorrow is valentine's day and i've been thinking a lot about my girls. i've been thinking about the jr. high and high school students that i've worked with, mentored, and loved since they were little. there are some things that i wish someone would have said to me 20 valentine days ago. so, my sweet girls, this is for you....
to my girls:
valentine's day is another day in the year that we compare ourselves to others. it's a day that we look around and wish that our lives looked more like someone else's. i think it was designed to make women feel unsatisfied. if you're in a relationship than you have this expectation of what the night should look like. usually that expectation comes up short because your boy can't read your mind and even if he could, he probably doesn't possess the resources to make it rain while you're surrounded by twinkle lights and his embrace. if you're single than this is a night that you feel that singleness in every pore of your body. as someone that has never spent a valentines day with my soulmate (i haven't met him yet, but if you run across him tell him i'm getting pretty tired of waiting) pay attention to the following...
1. you are beautiful. every part of you is beautiful. we shouldn't need male attention to realize that, but somehow we do. but when you start to feel like smashing all the mirrors in your house because you're so disgusted with yourself, i want you to remember this: YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. God could have put you together any way He wanted and He wanted you just as you are. embrace that. be confident. trust that God doesn't make mistakes and He didn't make a mistake with you.
2. you are not alone. when all your friends start to get into relationships it feels like you missed the normal bus. i know it feels like you're all alone, but you aren't. you have people in your life who love you. don't discount that love because it doesn't fit into the box you want it to. embrace the fact that you have family and friends who care about you. when you feel like the loneliness is closing in, call one of those people up. let them love you!
3. there are thousands of adventures out there waiting for you. one of my biggest pet peeves is that there are no girl adventure movies. batgirl never gets to save the day (and let's be honest, she's not gonna catch any bad guys in those heels). the sandlot gang is sorely lacking in estrogen. in the movies girls are the prize. they're the thing all the boys fight over or they're there for eye candy and snarky one-liners. but that isn't reality. you can have thousands of adventures. you can travel the world. instead of watching your life pass by you while you wait for a valentine, get out there! go chase one of your dreams. get dirty. let yourself see what the stars look like on the other side of the ocean. i have had so much fun exploring. my life has been utterly and totally changed because i let God whisper adventure in my ear.
4. boys can be your friends. some of my best friendships are boys. boys are smart (sometimes) and funny. they teach you to not take yourself so seriously. they are loud and chaotic and fun. go have fun. go be friends with boys without hoping something else will happen. one of the ways that God taught me to value myself was through boys who didn't hold my hand or kiss me or buy me dinner. God taught me what it means to trust a man through friendships with great and wonderful men. go find yourself a matt janosov or a tyler hellinga. they will be some of your most treasured friendships.
5. lean into God. being single is hard. don't let anyone ever tell you it isn't. there are times that it feels like you will never get the someday you're waiting for. you are allowed to grieve that. and when it feels like the sadness is crushing you, go spend some time with God. talk with Him about your hurt. trust him with your hopes and your dreams. there is no love like the one He has for you. those aren't empty words. i have been waiting 29 years for a "someday" kind of love. there have been times that i thought the waiting would kill me. but in those moments i have leaned into my Jesus. i have trusted Him with every tear and i haven't ever regretted it. He loves me more than anyone ever can. i'm better because i trust that love.
i'm sure i've got more advice than this, but i think this is a good start. tomorrow when you're surrounded by paper hearts and chocolate boxes remember that you are loved. remember that you are so very important. and remember that you are never, never alone. i'm always a phone call away.
love,
chels
to my girls:
valentine's day is another day in the year that we compare ourselves to others. it's a day that we look around and wish that our lives looked more like someone else's. i think it was designed to make women feel unsatisfied. if you're in a relationship than you have this expectation of what the night should look like. usually that expectation comes up short because your boy can't read your mind and even if he could, he probably doesn't possess the resources to make it rain while you're surrounded by twinkle lights and his embrace. if you're single than this is a night that you feel that singleness in every pore of your body. as someone that has never spent a valentines day with my soulmate (i haven't met him yet, but if you run across him tell him i'm getting pretty tired of waiting) pay attention to the following...
1. you are beautiful. every part of you is beautiful. we shouldn't need male attention to realize that, but somehow we do. but when you start to feel like smashing all the mirrors in your house because you're so disgusted with yourself, i want you to remember this: YOU. ARE. BEAUTIFUL. God could have put you together any way He wanted and He wanted you just as you are. embrace that. be confident. trust that God doesn't make mistakes and He didn't make a mistake with you.
2. you are not alone. when all your friends start to get into relationships it feels like you missed the normal bus. i know it feels like you're all alone, but you aren't. you have people in your life who love you. don't discount that love because it doesn't fit into the box you want it to. embrace the fact that you have family and friends who care about you. when you feel like the loneliness is closing in, call one of those people up. let them love you!
3. there are thousands of adventures out there waiting for you. one of my biggest pet peeves is that there are no girl adventure movies. batgirl never gets to save the day (and let's be honest, she's not gonna catch any bad guys in those heels). the sandlot gang is sorely lacking in estrogen. in the movies girls are the prize. they're the thing all the boys fight over or they're there for eye candy and snarky one-liners. but that isn't reality. you can have thousands of adventures. you can travel the world. instead of watching your life pass by you while you wait for a valentine, get out there! go chase one of your dreams. get dirty. let yourself see what the stars look like on the other side of the ocean. i have had so much fun exploring. my life has been utterly and totally changed because i let God whisper adventure in my ear.
4. boys can be your friends. some of my best friendships are boys. boys are smart (sometimes) and funny. they teach you to not take yourself so seriously. they are loud and chaotic and fun. go have fun. go be friends with boys without hoping something else will happen. one of the ways that God taught me to value myself was through boys who didn't hold my hand or kiss me or buy me dinner. God taught me what it means to trust a man through friendships with great and wonderful men. go find yourself a matt janosov or a tyler hellinga. they will be some of your most treasured friendships.
5. lean into God. being single is hard. don't let anyone ever tell you it isn't. there are times that it feels like you will never get the someday you're waiting for. you are allowed to grieve that. and when it feels like the sadness is crushing you, go spend some time with God. talk with Him about your hurt. trust him with your hopes and your dreams. there is no love like the one He has for you. those aren't empty words. i have been waiting 29 years for a "someday" kind of love. there have been times that i thought the waiting would kill me. but in those moments i have leaned into my Jesus. i have trusted Him with every tear and i haven't ever regretted it. He loves me more than anyone ever can. i'm better because i trust that love.
i'm sure i've got more advice than this, but i think this is a good start. tomorrow when you're surrounded by paper hearts and chocolate boxes remember that you are loved. remember that you are so very important. and remember that you are never, never alone. i'm always a phone call away.
love,
chels
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Currents: February...
I'm copying this idea from Maryann, because I love her, all her ideas, and her cats!
Currents: February 2013
Current Drink:
I've been digging the green tea recently. Mostly because it's hot but tastes like practically nothing. I am a fan of bland liquids.
Current TV Show:
I am so desperately in love with New Girl. Each week I am cracking up. This show is so fresh. It's hilarious.
Current Worry:
Mostly I worry about Bingley, all the time. Seriously. Like every day. It is pretty ridiculous. I worry that he's sick (he is constantly eating things he shouldn't). I worry that he misses Daisy and doesn't get enough socialization. Do dogs need to be socialized? Is that a thing? I worry that he spends too much time alone. Worry. Worry. Worry.
Current Location:
I'm going to say the SPU library because I basically live there.
Current Movie:
Thanks to Netflix I finally saw Pitch Perfect. I'm not gonna lie, I avoided this movie because my inner voice told me it would be incredibly stupid. But I'm gonna have to admit that my inner voice was a dirty liar and I LOVED IT!
Current Food:
Mulleady's Mac n' Cheese.
Current Obsession:
Babies. All of my friends are having tiny little nuggets of cuteness. I am obsessed. I love all the pictures they post and when I need a real life baby snuggle I can go visit the Ballast's and get some Sadie snuggles. Seriously what is it about that baby smell? It is like crack.
Current Book:
I mean, I could list all the books I have to read for school... other than that I don't really have time to read, which is sad and awful. Let's not talk about it.
Current Fashion:
Scarves! I am delighting in scarves.
Current Thankfulness:
I am profoundly thankful for the community I am building in Seattle. I cannot even begin to think of what my life would look like without them. They push me to be better. They love me when I fall short. They are truly God's gift to me.
Current Music:
I'm about to type something I never, ever thought I would: TAYLOR SWIFT IS AMAZING. Usually I can't stand Tay-Sway, but I am super digging her new album Red.
Current Wishlist:
To be debt free, but I have a feeling I'll be wishing for that for a long, long time.
Currents: February 2013
Current Drink:
I've been digging the green tea recently. Mostly because it's hot but tastes like practically nothing. I am a fan of bland liquids.
Current TV Show:
I am so desperately in love with New Girl. Each week I am cracking up. This show is so fresh. It's hilarious.
Current Worry:
Mostly I worry about Bingley, all the time. Seriously. Like every day. It is pretty ridiculous. I worry that he's sick (he is constantly eating things he shouldn't). I worry that he misses Daisy and doesn't get enough socialization. Do dogs need to be socialized? Is that a thing? I worry that he spends too much time alone. Worry. Worry. Worry.
Current Location:
I'm going to say the SPU library because I basically live there.
Current Movie:
Thanks to Netflix I finally saw Pitch Perfect. I'm not gonna lie, I avoided this movie because my inner voice told me it would be incredibly stupid. But I'm gonna have to admit that my inner voice was a dirty liar and I LOVED IT!
Current Food:
Mulleady's Mac n' Cheese.
Current Obsession:
Babies. All of my friends are having tiny little nuggets of cuteness. I am obsessed. I love all the pictures they post and when I need a real life baby snuggle I can go visit the Ballast's and get some Sadie snuggles. Seriously what is it about that baby smell? It is like crack.
Current Book:
I mean, I could list all the books I have to read for school... other than that I don't really have time to read, which is sad and awful. Let's not talk about it.
Current Fashion:
Scarves! I am delighting in scarves.
Current Thankfulness:
I am profoundly thankful for the community I am building in Seattle. I cannot even begin to think of what my life would look like without them. They push me to be better. They love me when I fall short. They are truly God's gift to me.
Current Music:
I'm about to type something I never, ever thought I would: TAYLOR SWIFT IS AMAZING. Usually I can't stand Tay-Sway, but I am super digging her new album Red.
Current Wishlist:
To be debt free, but I have a feeling I'll be wishing for that for a long, long time.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
an open letter...
dear nate:
i've been thinking about you a lot this week. my kiddos are headed your way for winter camp this weekend and since its the last weekend of jr. high winter camp it's their last weekend with you. i've been trying to come up with a way to explain how much you have meant to me and my students. but since i don't have a million dollars and can't send you bon jovi as a singing telegram... this letter will just have to do.
my first summer as the youth director at RLC i was at the end of my rope. ministry, as it turns out, was harder than i had anticipated. i felt like i had spent nine months waging battle. my program was teeny tiny and my students didn't seem to be listening to me. frankly, i wasn't listening to me. on the drive up to camp i remember thinking, "this week is my hail mary and if we don't score a touchdown i have no idea what is left to do, except maybe pack it in." i felt alone. i felt exhausted. but more than anything i felt God's silence. but something wonderful happened to me that week and that something wonderful was you.
when we sat in folding chairs on the first evening and you spoke about your heart for the week, your heart for students, and your heart for us leaders something profound happened in my spirit. i realized that i wasn't in it alone. the relief i felt in that moment can't be described. and you spent the rest of the week making sure i wasn't in it alone. nate, i hope you hear this from the very depth of your soul: you were Christ's hands and feet for me that week. your enthusiasm reminded me that i had joy left to give. your deep love for God showed me that i didn't have to have all the answers to love my students. the way you led your staff taught me how to lead mine. i am utterly and profoundly grateful to you for those things.
i want you to know that you have left a mark on forest home. that place is better because you were there. you left your mark on your staff, those college kids you mentored are better because of you. you left your mark on the students that interacted with you, they are better because of you. and you left your mark on the leaders, we are all better because of you. your willingness to serve- your "yes" to God's call has made a difference.
so to conclude this very long letter i just want to say thank you. i want to thank you for helping to usher people into the throne room of the Lord our God. i want to thank you for being a man of integrity and grace and love. i want to thank you and i want you to know that God used you to change the world.
i wish i could be there this weekend and say all this to you in person. but the interwebs will have to do.
i'm praying for you and your family as you seek God's will for the future.
thank you, thank you, thank you (did i cover that enough?)
chelsea
i've been thinking about you a lot this week. my kiddos are headed your way for winter camp this weekend and since its the last weekend of jr. high winter camp it's their last weekend with you. i've been trying to come up with a way to explain how much you have meant to me and my students. but since i don't have a million dollars and can't send you bon jovi as a singing telegram... this letter will just have to do.
my first summer as the youth director at RLC i was at the end of my rope. ministry, as it turns out, was harder than i had anticipated. i felt like i had spent nine months waging battle. my program was teeny tiny and my students didn't seem to be listening to me. frankly, i wasn't listening to me. on the drive up to camp i remember thinking, "this week is my hail mary and if we don't score a touchdown i have no idea what is left to do, except maybe pack it in." i felt alone. i felt exhausted. but more than anything i felt God's silence. but something wonderful happened to me that week and that something wonderful was you.
when we sat in folding chairs on the first evening and you spoke about your heart for the week, your heart for students, and your heart for us leaders something profound happened in my spirit. i realized that i wasn't in it alone. the relief i felt in that moment can't be described. and you spent the rest of the week making sure i wasn't in it alone. nate, i hope you hear this from the very depth of your soul: you were Christ's hands and feet for me that week. your enthusiasm reminded me that i had joy left to give. your deep love for God showed me that i didn't have to have all the answers to love my students. the way you led your staff taught me how to lead mine. i am utterly and profoundly grateful to you for those things.
i want you to know that you have left a mark on forest home. that place is better because you were there. you left your mark on your staff, those college kids you mentored are better because of you. you left your mark on the students that interacted with you, they are better because of you. and you left your mark on the leaders, we are all better because of you. your willingness to serve- your "yes" to God's call has made a difference.
so to conclude this very long letter i just want to say thank you. i want to thank you for helping to usher people into the throne room of the Lord our God. i want to thank you for being a man of integrity and grace and love. i want to thank you and i want you to know that God used you to change the world.
i wish i could be there this weekend and say all this to you in person. but the interwebs will have to do.
i'm praying for you and your family as you seek God's will for the future.
thank you, thank you, thank you (did i cover that enough?)
chelsea
Thursday, January 24, 2013
people need people...
today i was thinking about all the people God used to make me, me. it is a very long list. i was thinking about how there were so many people willing to pour out their lives into mine. it took a very large village to raise me. family and friends and youth leaders who were patient and loving and there when i needed them. uncle jody taught me how to tell a joke, oliver taught me what it means to stick around, lori hall gave me a passion for cooking, dani helped me see the world. i can go on and on. i needed them.
my hope is that in some small way i took those lessons and poured them into someone else. because i realize we were created for exactly two things. God took dust and breathed His breath of life upon it so that we could be loved and so that we could love.
are you loving someone? are you walking next to them no matter where the path is leading? i hope so. are you letting someone love you? are you willing to open up and let go long enough to be loved? i hope so. that's all there is.
my hope is that in some small way i took those lessons and poured them into someone else. because i realize we were created for exactly two things. God took dust and breathed His breath of life upon it so that we could be loved and so that we could love.
are you loving someone? are you walking next to them no matter where the path is leading? i hope so. are you letting someone love you? are you willing to open up and let go long enough to be loved? i hope so. that's all there is.
Monday, January 14, 2013
Leaning Into It...
seattle is good for me. there is something in the air that whispers in my ear and settles in my heart. i'm happy. no, 'happy' isn't the right word. i'm content. i'm fulfilled at school and i'm getting involved in a great church. i get to see old friends that i missed so very deeply and i'm making new friends. things are probably as good as they could possibly be.
but even though things are great i still spend a lot of time thinking about the "could be's". i find myself daydreaming about all the little things my heart desires. i spend a lot of time daydreaming about the big things too. i dream about wedding bells and babies. i dream about being debt free (no lie this is a big one! i had a dream the other night that i went to pay on my student loan and there was no more balance. best. dream. ever.). i dream about silly things like long hair without the wait and a bigger kitchen. i also dream about the big things, like the smell of an african rainstorm and the feeling of a tiny little hand in mine. i allow myself the room to live in the "could be" space.
i think that my daydreams are there for a reason. i think they give me hope when i've just about run out. i think they help me find out what my soul longs for. my daydreams have led me all over the world. so i like to lean into them.
we're becoming a world that doesn't dream anymore. there's too many reasons not to. there's school shootings and fiscal cliffs. when we live in the clutter of the practical there's no room for the impractical. that makes me so sad. are we done telling kids to "dream big"? i hope not. are we done with "could be's", "maybe's", and "hope for's"?
my dreams have taken me around the world. they've given me the courage to believe that the God of the universe wants to use me. my dreams have comforted me when the world around me has been cold and unforgiving. i know that not all my dreams will come true and i know that i can't spend all my time in the soft embrace of "could be". but i won't give them up. i won't lay them down. i'm going to lean into them and trust that the closer to God i get, the more my daydreams start to look like His.
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