writer's block...

today i am attempting to work on lesson plans for next year. once a week i'll be teaching religion at the school, teaching at youth group, teaching confirmation, and leading a small group. this is an awful lot of chelsea. frankly if i was my students i'd rebel. anyway, in order not to have my head explode i am trying to plan out all those lesson plans. i figure if i'm at least a little organized than maybe it will all come together easier. but i am finding myself with a giant mental block. i just can't seem to wrap my head around what i should be teaching, especially for the small group.

so i tried a few of my standard writer's block solutions. i read for a little while (big mistake, turns out david platt got my head spinning and i'm not sure if i can right it), then i read my bible (uh-oh romans, not the book for righting that head of mine), and then i tried writing in my prayer journal. nothing was doing the trick. so here i am sweet blog, i'm here to upchuck all my thoughts and feelings in a wildly desperate ploy to get my brain jump started.

first i have to say i'm sorry. i'm sorry to God. i'm sorry that i value my possessions and my time and my desires more than i value Him. i'm sorry to my students. i'm sorry that i tell them to give God their whole heart, when i am only willing to give Him part of mine. it's hypocritical and i'm sorry. i'm sorry to my friends and family. i'm sorry that i'm not more willing to be vulnerable and open with you. i'm sorry that each moment of my life doesn't drip with the grace of God. i'm so sorry.

because here's what i remembered today; here's the thing that we have to write in stone on our hearts: this is not the end. this time here is just a vapor. it's just a drop of what's coming. blink and you'll miss it. there's not enough time for us to waste on what we want.

when He called out to drop their nets and follow Him, it was a charge. He was offering them an opportunity to join Him in setting the world on fire. but He was also asking them to drop their nets. drop your livelihood, drop your families, drop your fears and your dreams and everything you ever thought about who you are. drop it. drop it all. and when i was five years old on a mission trip in mexico and i asked God into my heart i was dropping all of it.

i was admitting that i need Him. i was admitting that i'm not enough and that even if i was, He's all i'll really ever need. i was giving Him my forever. so here it is without edit:

God asks for all of me. here are my dreams God: i give you every label i've ever wanted attached to me. i offer you "wife", "mother", "successful", "noticed", "talented", "happy", "comfortable", "safe", and "friend". you can have all of them. i place my simple sacrifice on your alter. instead i pick up the only mantle that has ever mattered: "servant". i am your servant. i am your follower and disciple and that means you get everything. that means even if i live a life here on earth full of loneliness and pain it's worth it. because today is just a piece. my life here is just a teeny tiny piece of forever. and i want all that i am to matter forever.

i want all that i am to radiate who You are. i want every cell in my body to cry out: HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY!

love songs...

so with the wedding mania (one more to go in august and then i'm done for awhile!) i've had the past year-ish i have had the chance to see so many real-life love stories. i've loved that each ceremony has had the unique feel of the couple it's for. i love stories, especially ones about love. although i think my idea of what a truly great love story may be different than most. anyway, i think the best way to tell a story is through music. experiencing all these wedding stories has gotten me to thinking about the best love songs. so, here are my top 20 (in no particular order) love songs. they may surprise you, but i promise they'll delight you! p.s. I think I could have made this list way longer but I tried to keep it concise!

20. On a Night Like This: Dave Barnes
19. Best Days: Graham Colton
18. Just Stay Here Tonight: Augustana
17. You are the Best Thing: Ray LaMontagne
16. Running Back to You: Matt Wertz
15. My Man: Barbara Striesand
14. Gravity: Sara Bareilles
13. Rhythm of Love: Plain White T's
12. I Won't Give Up: Jana Kramer
11. Just the Way You Are: Bruno Mars
10. So Close: Jon McLaughlin
9. Bless the Broken Road: Rascal Flatts
8. Luckiest: Ben Folds
7. The Heart of the Matter: India.Aire (this is a cover, but it's the best version)
6. I want to Hold your Hand: The Beatles
5. I Will Not Take My Love Away: Matt Wertz
4. Feel This: Betheny Joy Galeotti (featuring Enation)
3. For Good: Indina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth
2. I Miss You: Incubus
1. How Sweet It Is: James Taylor