an open letter...

dear nate:
i've been thinking about you a lot this week. my kiddos are headed your way for winter camp this weekend and since its the last weekend of jr. high winter camp it's their last weekend with you. i've been trying to come up with a way to explain how much you have meant to me and my students. but since i don't have a million dollars and can't send you bon jovi as a singing telegram... this letter will just have to do.

my first summer as the youth director at RLC i was at the end of my rope. ministry, as it turns out, was harder than i had anticipated. i felt like i had spent nine months waging battle. my program was teeny tiny and my students didn't seem to be listening to me. frankly, i wasn't listening to me. on the drive up to camp i remember thinking, "this week is my hail mary and if we don't score a touchdown i have no idea what is left to do, except maybe pack it in." i felt alone. i felt exhausted. but more than anything i felt God's silence. but something wonderful happened to me that week and that something wonderful was you.

when we sat in folding chairs on the first evening and you spoke about your heart for the week, your heart for students, and your heart for us leaders something profound happened in my spirit. i realized that i wasn't in it alone. the relief i felt in that moment can't be described. and you spent the rest of the week making sure i wasn't in it alone. nate, i hope you hear this from the very depth of your soul: you were Christ's hands and feet for me that week. your enthusiasm reminded me that i had joy left to give. your deep love for God showed me that i didn't have to have all the answers to love my students. the way you led your staff taught me how to lead mine. i am utterly and profoundly grateful to you for those things.

i want you to know that you have left a mark on forest home. that place is better because you were there. you left your mark on your staff, those college kids you mentored are better because of you. you left your mark on the students that interacted with you, they are better because of you. and you left your mark on the leaders, we are all better because of you. your willingness to serve- your "yes" to God's call has made a difference.

so to conclude this very long letter i just want to say thank you. i want to thank you for helping to usher people into the throne room of the Lord our God. i want to thank you for being a man of integrity and grace and love. i want to thank you and i want you to know that God used you to change the world.

i wish i could be there this weekend and say all this to you in person. but the interwebs will have to do.
i'm praying for you and your family as you seek God's will for the future.
thank you, thank you, thank you (did i cover that enough?)
chelsea

people need people...

today i was thinking about all the people God used to make me, me. it is a very long list. i was thinking about how there were so many people willing to pour out their lives into mine. it took a very large village to raise me. family and friends and youth leaders who were patient and loving and there when i needed them. uncle jody taught me how to tell a joke, oliver taught me what it means to stick around, lori hall gave me a passion for cooking, dani helped me see the world. i can go on and on. i needed them.

my hope is that in some small way i took those lessons and poured them into someone else. because i realize we were created for exactly two things. God took dust and breathed His breath of life upon it so that we could be loved and so that we could love.

are you loving someone? are you walking next to them no matter where the path is leading? i hope so. are you letting someone love you? are you willing to open up and let go long enough to be loved? i hope so. that's all there is.

Leaning Into It...

seattle is good for me. there is something in the air that whispers in my ear and settles in my heart. i'm happy. no, 'happy' isn't the right word. i'm content. i'm fulfilled at school and i'm getting involved in a great church. i get to see old friends that i missed so very deeply and i'm making new friends. things are probably as good as they could possibly be. 

but even though things are great i still spend a lot of time thinking about the "could be's". i find myself daydreaming about all the little things my heart desires. i spend a lot of time daydreaming about the big things too. i dream about wedding bells and babies. i dream about being debt free (no lie this is a big one! i had a dream the other night that i went to pay on my student loan and there was no more balance. best. dream. ever.). i dream about silly things like long hair without the wait and a bigger kitchen. i also dream about the big things, like the smell of an african rainstorm and the feeling of a tiny little hand in mine. i allow myself the room to live in the "could be" space.

i think that my daydreams are there for a reason. i think they give me hope when i've just about run out. i think they help me find out what my soul longs for. my daydreams have led me all over the world. so i like to lean into them. 

we're becoming a world that doesn't dream anymore. there's too many reasons not to. there's school shootings and fiscal cliffs. when we live in the clutter of the practical there's no room for the impractical. that makes me so sad. are we done telling kids to "dream big"? i hope not. are we done with "could be's", "maybe's", and "hope for's"? 

my dreams have taken me around the world. they've given me the courage to believe that the God of the universe wants to use me. my dreams have comforted me when the world around me has been cold and unforgiving. i know that not all my dreams will come true and i know that i can't spend all my time in the soft embrace of "could be". but i won't give them up. i won't lay them down. i'm going to lean into them and trust that the closer to God i get, the more my daydreams start to look like His.